Coming out to parents

[Lake James]

Hey everyone 

As always I am still very much confused.....male/female/male/female/male?

Anyway I have decided I definitely sit closer to the male side of things and want to start experimenting with how changes would feel.  I have even started to come out to people as possibly trans.  So far I have told my counsellor, doctor, massage therapist , my ex and a few friends.....all have been great and very understanding. 

The problem is....my parents and especially my mum.  I know I don't need to tell her yet as I have no intention to transition fully, but merely test the waters atm.  Thing is though, I see all this testing as pointless if I can never transition because of how worried I am about telling her.  I am not young, I am 37 but I am so worried about hurting her/being rejected/making her lose her only daughter etc.  It was bad enough when I came out as gay many many years ago.  This would just break her, I know.

So, how did you all find it?  Do the ones who hate it, ever get over it?  Does the relationship ever feel the same again?  Is it worth the risk?

Thanks Lake

[MelissaAnn]

What I did with the person that I thought would be really upset and mad at me about transitioning was I was very open, honest and I tried very hard to convey the pain, the struggle and the hardships I've endured through my life knowing that I was in the wrong body. Once getting through all of this. He was very understanding and has come around. As far as is it worth it? I'm sorry to say, only you can answer that question, but for me it was well worth it. I now have a stronger closer relationship with this person. Just because you want to test the waters does not mean you have to come out yet. Experiment with your clothing your hairstyle and whatever else you want to test. That's your own style of personal expression and nobody should judge you too harshly for that. I hope this was helpful for you. I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and maybe angels always look upon you and help guide you on your journey.

Much love,

Melissa Ann

[Lake James]

Hi Melissa 

Thank you for your reply.  I guess you're right about just testing the waters and for now, not worrying about having to tell everyone.  I suppose I so desperately want to know that doing this isn't going to totally break her, but then I could try things out and decide its not a path I need to pursue anyway...so I would have hurt her for no reason. 

This being in the middle part is very hard.  Sometimes I wish I had never sussed out what was wrong in the first place.

xx

[MelissaAnn]

Are you seeing a therapist? They certainly would help you to work through your feelings. There are people on this site that are gender fluid. I don't know if you've read any of their threads. But maybe that's more along the lines of what you're feeling just a thought.

[Lake James]

I do have a therapist and we are trying to work some of my feelings.  I now know that I definitely feel more male than female.  If I  could go back in time and change my birth sex, I would change it to male, without a doubt, but to change my whole life now...that's the tough part.  I worry that I could transition and then feel even more wrong.

I have had a look at the gender fluid/ non binary boards, but being in the middle as such feels uncomfortable too.  I just don't know.

[MelissaAnn]

(((HUG))) I just want you to know that whatever you decide you have a friend in me, you are accepted, and I consider you part of my family. I know the decision to transition is a very difficult one. It took me 51 years to come to terms with it and decide to do it. I agree if I could go back and change my gender. When I was born. I would definitely do it. I can tell you after I started the HRT. I definitely knew I was on the right path. I don't know if I'll ever be passable, but on the same token, I really don't care what matters more to me is that I'm expressing my true self. It really doesn't matter to me what anybody else thinks around me. I know I'm a good person. I know that I'm worth it. I know that you are a terrific person and I know that you are worth it. So try to keep your head held high and continue to do some soul-searching. If you have any questions at all. Feel free to PM at any time.

With much love,

Melissa Ann

[FTMax]

What I did with the person that I thought would be really upset and mad at me about transitioning was I was very open, honest and I tried very hard to convey the pain, the struggle and the hardships I've endured through my life knowing that I was in the wrong body.

This.

I went into the coming out conversation with my father believing that it would be the last time we would ever speak. I was brutally honest about how I had been feeling, how long it had been going on, and everything I had done up until that point. I also made it clear that I was beyond the point of caring what other people thought about me and had already been cutting people out of my life because of their potential for negativity. It may not have been true, but I intimated that I would be fine if he didn't want to speak to me again - I felt that this was necessary to convey my commitment to transitioning and to force him to not sit on the fence about it. Obviously not the correct approach for everyone, but it worked for my old man. He is super supportive.