You just have to go with it my love!!! I hated growing my facial hair out for laser and electrolysis. For me it was a weird one as the hairs on my face were thick and black but sparse.
How much full time are you? Out at work and so on or just in public. If it's not a great commitment, you'll have to spend a little while in the male presentation doldrums whilst the thing does its work. For a time, a few months ago, I had the thickest, longest facial hairs I've ever allowed myself. Then I had them shot to bits by the Alexandrite machine!!!
TBH - I just left them there. Week three (or so) after the first treatment was the most life changing for me. It began when weird dotty bits appeared along my jawline followed by the little black hairs literally falling out in clumps. I could run a nail over my chin and find hair under it!!!
At the end of the day I would exfoliate and find the water full of hairs. I've had a second session and number three is on its way. As a (previously) obsessive shaver I can go for days now (in pretend boy) without putting a razor anywhere near my face. It helps with the dysphoria as it's one less male activity in my daily routine. My skin is better. Like SO much better.
And when the follicles are dead, there's nothing hiding under the skin. Where once there was dark shadow, there is now even tone. Additionally shaving chops the hair off at the skin surface. What it doesn't do is get the sub-facial hair out. When that happens the pores close up. The skin texture becomes smooth and make-up sits so much better.
I've got a way to go with it, but to all intents and purposes I don't have problem facial hair any more. And I no longer have to attack my skin with nasty blades any more.
Whilst that may not be so helpful - think that transition isn't a straight line. We have to go forward, then into reverse to undo silly things we've done. There have to be, by definition, resting periods. We can't just bump over a set of points and switch from the male track to the female. All sorts of things need to happen. Like at the moment the good train Melissa D is in the service bay having a repaint and makeover. She'll be out and rolling in her new pink and gold livery soon. But these things take time. Like everything else. Transition is hard. Life is hard, but it's harder for us because it's been going wrong since day one.
Laser will help you to be you. I'm not going to lie - it has created, for me, everything I ever wanted to create. I never was a boy in a dress. I'm a girl, so are you, I just need to help society along with recognising that fact by correcting a few unfortunate things that happened at birth. Sort of like Educating Rita. It has done SO much for me. It WILL do so much for you. It will. I wish I could be in the same room, sit down and say it over and over until you believed me.
I can't. So you'll have to be a bearded lady for a bit. I was. I found it quite funny to think of myself that way and it helped. Now my poor little razor gathers dust and my transition gathers momentum. I just need my laser technician and beautician to make the finishing touches, the full tank of diesel if you like. Then I'm on the right track baby (I was born this way...).
And if I seem happy about it then I am
You can be too. But you need to get strong before you can get happy. Seriously!! It's hard for girls out there. The only way to get over dysphoria is to do something about it. Not just quick fixes and patches. And if that means having a beard for a while then so be it. Transition isn't something I want you to give up on.
For the sake of all of your sisters here and elsewhere - don't give up because it hurts. Life can get better, you just need to power through the nasty bits and come out in a nice pair of heels.
Warmest thoughts. And slightly annoyed if you give up thoughts
Missy xx
