Dealing with physicals? + dysphoria

[Retina]

I didn't see anybody else mention problems like this so here I go:

A few days ago I had an appointment with an endocrinologist. I've been waiting about 4 years for this day due to parents previously not being supportive of my gender identity. I don't mean to rant too much about waiting but ugh, seeing as I'm still a minor they can't give me testosterone and it's just, I've been waiting so long to finally get something done and my mother never took me to a psychologist or gender therapist until not too long ago. The dysphoria part is how I'm pretty much far into puberty and that something could have been done like hormone/puberty blockers when I first showed signs of increasing gender dysphoria but back then my parents thought it was a phase and making me wait until now has had really bad effects on my mental and emotional health.

Anyway, the part about the physical, the endo was willing to write a prescription for hormone/puberty blockers had I went with a full physical during the appointment but the moment she said she needed to examine all those parts that make me heavily dysphoric I almost had a complete panic attack and refused. So now, after waiting a while for the appointment I'm just sitting here with nothing done and my mother said it's my fault that "I didn't get what I want" and she made a comment about predicting I'd probably never go through with transitioning medically because I freak out when my triggers are mentioned.

To make matters worse, I already have problems with people touching me anywhere on my body because of past experiences. Have any of you other guys struggled with physicals required to get HRT? If so, how did you deal with it? I really don't want to be one of those people forced to wait even longer because my anxiety is putting me back. My mom's only advice was "toughen up".

[Kreuzfidel]

Basically, I did just have to "toughen up". 

It's a necessary means to an end for a great many of us.  Without doing what the doctor requires of you, your chances of starting T may be greatly diminished which just prolongs your suffering. 

I don't know if you can speak to your doctor about your feelings, but sometimes they will offer to give people a mild sedative during the exams themselves for folks who are excessively anxious.

[CursedFireDean]

My doctor doesn't require a lower exam until you're either 21 or sexually active. And my previous doctor only required it if you were 18 or active. When i went to a gyno when I was 15, same thing. So talk to your doctor about your feelings and I'm sure they'll either give you sedatives or decide it isn't necessary yet.

As for putting off transition because of anxiety, I can relate. I went to a doctor who had awful nurses for drawing blood and they'd bruise up my arm badly and poke me as many times as apparently they're legally allowed and STILL not get blood, so long story short I got AWFUL anxiety around getting bloodwork done. (I just go to LabCorp now, I don't let my docs nurses touch my arms.) What helped me then was having friends with me when j went. I know that's harder in your situation, but I know that at least for me, the need for T eventually kicked my anxiety to second priority. I also have that with my shots, I get extreme anxiety over them, but inevitably my need for the T overrides the anxiety.

[FTMax]

My doctor was actually very understanding about my dysphoria when prescribing me T. She did a few cursory physical tests like listening to my heart/lungs, feeling lymph nodes, etc. in addition to the blood work. She told me that if in the course of discussing my medical history she felt I would benefit from additional screening, she would strongly recommend it, but wouldn't force the issue. She really wanted to do a pelvic exam and pap smear as I've never had them done, but completely understood when I refused. She also made a note on my file that no one should bring it up with me again unless I have any abnormal test results.

I think the key here is finding a trans friendly doctor and being very picky about it. I was desperate to get the ball rolling with T as soon as possible, but after long discussions with some friends who go to the same clinic, I was only willing to take appointments with a specific doctor because of her reputation.

[2fish]

My personal experience. I had to go through a full physical to get t. It wasnt pleasant but I had to be a big boy and do it. My dr used male pronouns when talking to me. He did make it a pint to mention that my downstairs was normal, i used to think there was something wrong with it since I disnt associate with being biologically female. So i was glad he did tell me that. Before coming out as trans i would have never gone through a full physical, but since my dr was exextremely polite and used male pronouns with my chosen name it made me feel okay about the.whole thing. My dr also walked me through the entire process. Maybe if you told your dr to tell you what theyvwere gping to do it would help.

[zero.cool.crash.override]

My insurance required my primary care physician to refer me to the therapist, who could then refer me to the endocrinologist.  I asked the primary doctor if he could do the initial referral with just a phone call or email, but he made me come in for a physical because he'd never met me and I'd never had a physical on my medical records with them.  The physical included blood work, height and weight, blood pressure, look in ears and eyes, listen to my breathing with a stethoscope, and gentle prodding in my abdomen.  He did not require one of those lower exams or the breast squashing thing, although he did remind me that I was overdue and offered to schedule it for me.  I was really nervous about the physical, but it was worth it!

[Bimmer Guy]

My physician didn't require it for T. 

I had to get a mammogram for top surgery.  I had always refused to do even though my doctor wanted me to get one at age 35 (I'm 44).  What I did was just tell myself it was a means to an end.  I knew it was "one and done".  I would never have to do it again.

Like Kreuzfidel said, you just sort of have to accept that you have to do some things to get what you need.

It sounds like it would be really traumatic for you, and I am sorry for that.

I would find out if:
1) they could give you something to relax you before you do the exam
2) find another physician who will give you the T without the exam

It must have been so disappointing to wait so long for something and then not get it when you need it.  Hang in there and let us know how it goes.

[ThatAussieDude]

Yes, I had to have 2 actually. The nurse that did the not so nice lower one was considerate when I told her how I feel about that area, and did it as quickly as possible. I told her that I didn't want to know anything of it and she accepted that. I didn't have one on my chest. The other my GP did and was blood pressure, height and weight and listening to my breathing.