I love the school I am at. They have done a phenomenal job of keeping my trans status quiet. Unfortunately, I have probably been outed by visiting staff from other places because of all the extra documentation I have to carry for now. I'm working on getting a new, updated birth certificate but its taking a bit of time. It's just really frustrating seeing their looks of confusion. Is it bad that I am looking forward to leaving everything behind when I am done with school? My wife says its no different than being in the military. I'll be gone weeks at a time and home for just a couple of days. I need this space so much right now because I feel so lost in my life. I feel pretty worthless most of the time. I've failed too much this past year and it has cost me dearly. Yet academically, I am soaring higher than I ever have in my life. I have passed surprise tests I didn't study for, which has opened even more employment avenues. I don't do well with tests usually. But everything seems to come at a price. In every good that comes my way, I brace for a s*#%storm of bad afterwards.
I've pushed my closest friends away and snapped at them like a wounded animal cornered.
What the hell is wrong with me? Have I really become this jaded person who would rather be alone with my thoughts than spend time with people I care about?
