Thinking about quitting my job

[Amy1988]

I did not see this coming.  My boss and a coworker at work are both coming on to me pretty strong and I don't know what to do about it.   I never imagined that anything like this would ever happen.  I kind of blame myself a little because I told people that I was post op but now things are getting out of hand.  I just want to go to work and do a job.  Thankfully my boss will be on vacation for thanksgiving all next week and I think I can avoid the other guy but I may not go back after thanksgiving.  This is a nightmare situation.  Has anyone else ever  experienced anything like this?  What did you do? 

[LordKAT]

It is called sexual harassment and only you can make it stop by reporting it first. To your bosses boss perhaps. If not, lawyers abound.

[Brenda E]

My boss and a coworker at work are both coming on to me pretty strong and I don't know what to do about it.

LordKAT is absolutely right.  This is blatant sexual harassment.  It's illegal.

Here's a great guide to how you should proceed:

http://www.equalrights.org/legal-help/know-your-rights/sexual-harassment-at-work/

I kind of blame myself a little because I told people that I was post op but now things are getting out of hand.

Stop that line of thought right now.  You are not to blame.

[ImagineKate]

Our company has a hotline to report this and they take this sort of stuff seriously. Does yours? That would be where I would report it. Also try HR and see what they have to say.

It can be stopped pretty early on as no company wants a  sexual harrassment lawsuit, but if it comes down to that, that is always an option.

[Amy1988]

Our company has a hotline to report this and they take this sort of stuff seriously. Does yours? That would be where I would report it. Also try HR and see what they have to say.

It can be stopped pretty early on as no company wants a  sexual harrassment lawsuit, but if it comes down to that, that is always an option.

The company does have a number to call but I'm really really afraid because I'll have reveal that I'm transgender and I don't know how they will react to that.  The other thing is I really like my boss.  He has been really good to me and he's a nice person and I don't want to get him in trouble.  I may report the other guy if he persists but I'm really freaked out about the idea of telling the company I'm a transgender.  God what a mess.  I'm gonna take the rest of my vacation days next week and decide what I'm going to do.

[Brenda E]

Amy, if the company has an HR hotline like you say, it sounds like a big and established enough company to have a fairly robust non-discrimination policy.  Can you look it up?  It's often posted at the bottom of job ads ("XYZ Inc does not discriminate on the basis of race, age, sex, disability, gender etc."), and should be fairly prominently displayed on the HR webpage for the company or in printed HR materials.

Take a few days to calm down.  Chat to your manager and explain that you're uncomfortable with how he's acting.  If he's the good guy you think he is, he'll stop.  Otherwise, your next call should be to HR.  Even if they don't have a policy explicitly protecting trans workers, you can be fairly sure that they'd much rather not be known for employing sexual harassers like your boss.

[Amy1988]

Amy, if the company has an HR hotline like you say, it sounds like a big and established enough company to have a fairly robust non-discrimination policy.  Can you look it up?  It's often posted at the bottom of job ads ("XYZ Inc does not discriminate on the basis of race, age, sex, disability, gender etc."), and should be fairly prominently displayed on the HR webpage for the company or in printed HR materials.

Take a few days to calm down.  Chat to your manager and explain that you're uncomfortable with how he's acting.  If he's the good guy you think he is, he'll stop.  Otherwise, your next call should be to HR.  Even if they don't have a policy explicitly protecting trans workers, you can be fairly sure that they'd much rather not be known for employing sexual harassers like your boss.

It's actually a huge global company Swiss owned and I know they have a anti descrimination policy for gays and lesbians but it doesn't mention transgender.  So I don't know.

[Stephe]

Well you said "because I told people that I was post op", I would guess they know you're trans? If you are going to otherwise quit, what have you got to lose? And screw the "he is a nice guy", no he isn't!! He is a jackass that should be fired if he is harassing you to the point of quitting. At least report this other jerk and when he is fired maybe the boss will get a clue?

[Jessica Merriman]

I told people that I was post op but now things are getting out of hand.

Um, if you told them you were post op doesn't it feel safe to assume they know you are trans? 

[Amy1988]

Um, if you told them you were post op doesn't it feel safe to assume they know you are trans? 

Oh certainly the people in my work group know but the company isn't centralized.  HR is in a completely different building and they don't know me. 

[BreezyB]

That's definetly sexual harassment and against the law in many country's, including the U.S. if your company has a HR Department I would be reporting it to them first. Let them know you want to make a formal complaint. Have details ready including dates and times of when this has occured.

You have a right to feel safe at your workplace, and your work has an obligation to provide a safe working environment.

Hope you can get this sorted out Amy. Know one should have to leave their work because of harassment, no one!

Hugs,
Bree

[Amy1988]

That's definetly sexual harassment and against the law in many country's, including the U.S. if your company has a HR Department I would be reporting it to them first. Let them know you want to make a formal complaint. Have details ready including dates and times of when this has occured.

You have a right to feel safe at your workplace, and your work has an obligation to provide a safe working environment.

Hope you can get this sorted out Amy. Know one should have to leave their work because of harassment, no one!

Hugs,
Bree

Thank you. I'm going to take all next week off and figure out what I'm going to do.

[ImagineKate]

The company does have a number to call but I'm really really afraid because I'll have reveal that I'm transgender and I don't know how they will react to that.  The other thing is I really like my boss.  He has been really good to me and he's a nice person and I don't want to get him in trouble.  I may report the other guy if he persists but I'm really freaked out about the idea of telling the company I'm a transgender.  God what a mess.  I'm gonna take the rest of my vacation days next week and decide what I'm going to do.

The hotline is confidential in our case and I already told HR I'm transitioning. That to me is a shield in advance of anything negative coming my way. But I don't see anything negative coming my way as I'm a very productive, senior employee with long-ish tenure (8 years) and we have openly gay employees, as in on fire gay, pink shoes and everything. And it's New York after all. Besides HR says she knew two other people who transitioned on the job.

In any case, sexual harassment happens same sex so you can go that route too if you really don't want to reveal you're trans. I would at least talk to someone confidentially. You can also avail yourself of EAP counseling if it is causing stress and affecting your work. They can offer helpful advice.

[missymay]

I know, right?