and it went really well.
Talk about a burden lifted. About a week and a half ago I began drafting a letter. I knew I wouldn't be able to get the words out if I relied on that. I strategized for a day when I didn't have to get to work early (she works afternoons) and when our teenage son would be at school. I told her that I now have the language for how I've always felt, that I identify as non-binary, trans-masculine, and that I want either top surgery or a major reduction. The latter is probably not an option to take them to where I'll be happy, but it's a step in the conversation.
I don't think she was terribly surprised, which makes sense given that I have always presented as 'clearly lesbian' but not butch, but somewhat masculine-of-center. And, she's known for a while that I've no particular fondness for my breasts. Her primary concern was whether or not my 'object of choice' (i.e., women v. men) might change. Nope. And, I assured her that while I would like low-dose T for some of the changes, I don't want facial hair (or butt hair) or deeper voice. My voice is already a lower register than any number of FTM I know.
We had a great chat, which morphed into a conversation about our son's schooling, but rerouted itself to the issue at hand. It was also great because it prompted a discussion about why I would have been so anxious [as in, had anxiety] about sharing this with her. So, I'd call it a win-win. I'm sure she'll have some other questions, and that's both fine and to be expected. I assured her that I wasn't rushing into anything. I want to lose some weight before I would go under the knife. Not easy for this menopausal body, but I'm way more motivated now that my goal is to be as small and healthy as possible before surgery. I digress...
Anyway, just wanted to share that I leapt off the high-rise, and survived. Thanks for 'listening.'
