do you think your realistic about your trasitioning perception

[Skylar105]

This was actually a subject that was brought up in my therapy session recently. It's interesting because I still present as male (unable to present as female due to family etc.) when it comes to thinking though I have always thought negatively towards my transition (specially when triggers came about.) but in my recent session I learned about rational thinking. I started to think about my transition such as things what can I do the improve my presentation. I actually had a passing moment for the first time. (sorry that it was a bit off topic.)

My thinking has became neutral lately, like I don't think positive. I also don't think negative. :3 But thinking neutral has allowed me to control my emotions a bit better!

[Releca]

Good question. I find that my perception and whether I'm being realistic about it are always shifting. When I first began the process, I, like many, just wanted to pass to avoid what I thought at the time would be ridicule and danger if I did not (I've since learned that those are not realistic outcomes). Once I started passing and became attracted to men, I started dating. And now that I'm dating, I want to find a heterosexual partner to fall in love with who might also be a partner in raising my children. Am I being realistic? I have no idea. I think the only realistic thing is that I have no idea what the future will hold, and thinking that I do makes my world smaller.

Why would happiness with a good husband and kids be unreasonable.  Go for it girl! 

This was actually a subject that was brought up in my therapy session recently. It's interesting because I still present as male (unable to present as female due to family etc.) when it comes to thinking though I have always thought negatively towards my transition (specially when triggers came about.) but in my recent session I learned about rational thinking. I started to think about my transition such as things what can I do the improve my presentation. I actually had a passing moment for the first time. (sorry that it was a bit off topic.)

My thinking has became neutral lately, like I don't think positivealso don't think negative. :3 But thinking neutral has allowed me to control my emotions a bit better!

I'm glad your family is starting go open up a bit. I'm pre hrt myself and my family still disapproves of my choice. Well my in-laws that is disapproves my actual family is either to religious or to disconnected to talk about it with

[JulieM]

My concern too, Stephanie. I'm 58 and just starting. I've lived in the same house for 30 years and we have a very friendly neighborhood--good for crime prevention, hard to stealth transition. I'm working at a company at a job I love. The bottom line is I have to transition in-place and I'm dealing with my concerns: I don't want to be the neighborhood or work "->-bleeped-<-" (and I use that word advisedly and deliberately), and I don't want relations with my wife's family to suffer. But, my biggest worry is whether I can really own this. 58 years of putting "me" in a box makes me wonder if I can ever relax and be genuine, open and confident. The woman I see in my mind isn't beautiful, or svelte, or sexy. But she's confident, put together and a lot of fun to be around. And I worry about my shame, my secretiveness, and my total lack of self-confidence now.

I can do the logistics: the hair, the face, the weight loss. I'm not sure about my ability to become that woman, though...

[Nicolette]

Susan yes I'm using a phone to write post. Though some good leather may be nice too.

Sorry to interject, but "leather"? My first language is English, but don't get its use in your context. Is this a typo or meaning "get it on with someone nice" or new slang?

[JenniR04]

I try to be as realistic as I can be. I know I'll be okay no matter whether I fully pass or not. I know I am a woman and we all come in many different forms and faces and presentations.

Do I have dreams? Of course, every girl does. I would love to one day get to near or 100% passing both with looks and voice, living full-time as the woman I know I am, dating (right now it's a preferred woman, but who knows as I transition), and whatever else comes along.

I take such joy in seeing everyone in whatever looks they present, as it's the confidence and security of the person within that really shows how they are perceived by everyone else.

[TSJasmine]

I'd say I'm pretty realistic. I mean, I understand that I may never be 100% passable without FFS & That's okay with me. I know there's a 100% chance I'm going to get it so it's not something I think much about. How I'm going to get it? Not sure. I'm not worried about that right now. What I'm worried about is getting my first car, getting a job somewhere I like, & getting my associates degree & then continuing to University. I used to worry so much about my surgeries & I've reached a point in my life where I stopped because I learned to stop caring if anyone knew I was a tgirl. Some don't, & some do. Either way, if it bothers anyone, it's their problem, not mine. Plus, I have no doubts whatsoever that I'll be getting FFS one day, & chances are, it may be a lot sooner that I think. or farther. Either way, it's not the most important thing in my life atm. So, overall, yes. I would say my transitioning perception is pretty realistic. I just prefer to focus on other things so I don't have much time to care about the dysphoric features since more often than not, HRT will help them significantly. I'm just leaving it to time & my HRT to give me the strength to get through it

[Releca]

Sorry to interject, but "leather"? My first language is English, but don't get its use in your context. Is this a typo or meaning "get it on with someone nice" or new slang?

Leather like pants or depending on how you spin it is also slang for bdsm. Just be warned if you look it up you can never go back and only do it in a place you are comfortable with alternative activities. Quite the world. I meant it in the sense of jacket or pants though.

[Releca]

I try to be as realistic as I can be. I know I'll be okay no matter whether I fully pass or not. I know I am a woman and we all come in many different forms and faces and presentations.

Do I have dreams? Of course, every girl does. I would love to one day get to near or 100% passing both with looks and voice, living full-time as the woman I know I am, dating (right now it's a preferred woman, but who knows as I transition), and whatever else comes along.

I take such joy in seeing everyone in whatever looks they present, as it's the confidence and security of the person within that really shows how they are perceived by everyone else.

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable goal to hit and I don't see why you are not able to reach it. Its the same one I  have, now if only I stop looking at other women and getting mad/jealous I'm not there yet.

[PinkCloud]

Realistic, I am not even sure what that means anymore...

Some say I look like a woman, and think I never get clocked. Others clock me on the get go or are confused about me, and prolong their staring activities beyond reasonable interest. What do they think? I don't know. Maybe they like something about, or maybe they are repulsed. I will never know, so why bother.

Truthfully, I have given up on passing. I might pass 100% with FFS, but why would I? I think I pass 80% of the time. 20% is clocking time. At the one hand, being passable sounds nice and all, but at the other hand I am who I am, and no FFS can change the fact I was born a boy, and somewhere, someone will know.

I am not sure what to think about it anymore...

[Releca]

Pink what is important is do you feel happy with yourself being whom you are. Everyone sees the world differently and somewhere someone may know you're born male and someone may look at a cis woman and think she is a man. That really doesn't matter in my opinion but how you feel yourself is. If you feel like a woman then as far as it matters its nice to meet you Ms cloud.

[Skylar105]

Why would happiness with a good husband and kids be unreasonable.  Go for it girl! 
I'm glad your family is starting go open up a bit. I'm pre hrt myself and my family still disapproves of my choice. Well my in-laws that is disapproves my actual family is either to religious or to disconnected to talk about it with

.

Well my family still hates me for it. Because of their beliefs. Butttt the fact I passed to a complete stranger made me very happy. I'm 9 months into hrt now, and even with my family being the way they are I'm able to have hope because of the one stranger. basically if it can happen once it can happen again. I'm starting to disconnect from my family because they always made things my fault when I try to talk with them. I was also recently diagnosed with aspergers (which explains a lot.) but once I get out everything can be good!

[Releca]

.

Well my family still hates me for it. Because of their beliefs. Butttt the fact I passed to a complete stranger made me very happy. I'm 9 months into hrt now, and even with my family being the way they are I'm able to have hope because of the one stranger. basically if it can happen once it can happen again. I'm starting to disconnect from my family because they always made things my fault when I try to talk with them. I was also recently diagnosed with aspergers (which explains a lot.) but once I get out everything can be good!

I can related to that I'm being hit on both sides. My family are Quakers and on my in-laws are LDS so for me I'm getting hate three ways till Sunday by one nor staying what god made me and two still having a much stronger pull towards women then men. I'm my families option I'm doomed to hell the moment I chose to do it and not when I actually start.

I know having any mental limitations can also make your family see you as something else. I have ADHD and depression so my family always tells me that its only my depression or its because I'm sick that I want to be a woman and not that I'm actually a woman. Its making it hard for me to start among other little factors and the best advice I can give is to do what makes you happy. Now if I could follow my own advice.

[JoanneB]

I'm not sure if it is my nature or an occupational hazard, how I always look at life in terms of balance, or trade-offs. There are no perfect solutions. There are always compromises that come with every choice, whether you are aware of them or not.

To paraphrase  Grace, I never expected to achieve my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. Yet, it happened. I also never expected to once again be seriously looking at transition. Yet, it's happening. Though I achieved my dream, any decision is harder then ever. Plenty of tradeoffs for both pro and con. Ultimately I suspect to know a decision is going to based on pure emotional need. Will I be happier? So far with every step I've been taking the answer is yes

My only expectation these days I guess is always expect the unexpected. So far I haven't been disappointed.

[evecrook]

same here, never truly thought I would be actually doing this, always kept it hidden. Instead of accepting I was denying until it finally  appeared before me as doable