Passing & Staying positive

[TSJasmine]

Okay, sooo I've been on these forums for a while now & I've noticed that although many have their sad, dysphoric days, a lot of you are so happy & content with your transitions & passibility. I feel like, visually, I'm a passable person but what gives me away is my height & my voice. I fall into the tall category for a girl & I've noticed that when I speak, people stare at me. Until I speak, they only take a look, & not so much stare. (I really wonder what goes through their minds when they hear me talk) . Anyways, I'm just not that confident of a person to think I'm so fishy that nobody will know I'm TS by looking at me & although some may say I'm stealth, I'm really not & if I am, it's only by chance, not exactly by trying. Like I said, most people don't even take a second look unless I speak, in which case they keep taking more looks or just altogether stare as if they've never seen a tgirl before.

So once again, back on topic, how do you guys stay so content & sure of your passibility? I feel like anxiety from being TS has been etched into my soul.

[angie]

I'm with you girl I'm the same exact way tall for a girl and feel like I passed pretty well until I talk and have TS anxiety as well!  I have kind of noticed though that when people stare I just stare back at him with a big smile and they usually turn away!

[Jessika]

Me too.
6 ft tall and my voice uugh. haha

My looks I am working on, always WIP. 

[Lostkitten]

Okay, sooo I've been on these forums for a while now & I've noticed that although many have their sad, dysphoric days, a lot of you are so happy & content with your transitions & passibility. I feel like, visually, I'm a passable person but what gives me away is my height & my voice. I fall into the tall category for a girl & I've noticed that when I speak, people stare at me. Until I speak, they only take a look, & not so much stare. (I really wonder what goes through their minds when they hear me talk) . Anyways, I'm just not that confident of a person to think I'm so fishy that nobody will know I'm TS by looking at me & although some may say I'm stealth, I'm really not & if I am, it's only by chance, not exactly by trying. Like I said, most people don't even take a second look unless I speak, in which case they keep taking more looks or just altogether stare as if they've never seen a tgirl before.

So once again, back on topic, how do you guys stay so content & sure of your passibility? I feel like anxiety from being TS has been etched into my soul.

I seen your photos and you probably seen me whine also on this forum about sugar coating. Which I really do not. And you surely pass without a doubt as a sexy lady o.o.

Not sure what your height is and being 6.2ft myself I cannot say that 5.9 is short. In the Netherlands you would be short yes, but anywhere else it probably is pretty tall. But you look as pass-able as possible judging from the pictures I have seen. Tall stands out but as long as you rock it, you will just impress people. I really wouldn't worry about that if I were you.

About my voice, I recall being in a drag-queen bar once. One drag-queen, clearly as the name states a man with a lot of make-up, took it less extreme and looked very feminine. He spoke with a heavier voice but even so.. it made you doubt? I once had an interview myself with four people in front of me. When I get nervous and have to present myself I lower my voice automatically. Even so two of them addressed me as a he the other two as a she.

Voice is a tricky one and when on the phone.. I am always addressed with sir (which I hate, stop putting sir at the end of a sentence x_X) Just work on your voice so it sounds androgynous enough in real time.

[TSJasmine]

I seen your photos and you probably seen me whine also on this forum about sugar coating. Which I really do not. And you surely pass without a doubt as a sexy lady o.o.

Not sure what your height is and being 6.2ft myself I cannot say that 5.9 is short. In the Netherlands you would be short yes, but anywhere else it probably is pretty tall. But you look as pass-able as possible judging from the pictures I have seen. Tall stands out but as long as you rock it, you will just impress people. I really wouldn't worry about that if I were you.

About my voice, I recall being in a drag-queen bar once. One drag-queen, clearly as the name states a man with a lot of make-up, took it less extreme and looked very feminine. He spoke with a heavier voice but even so.. it made you doubt? I once had an interview myself with four people in front of me. When I get nervous and have to present myself I lower my voice automatically. Even so two of them addressed me as a he the other two as a she.

Voice is a tricky one and when on the phone.. I am always addressed with sir (which I hate, stop putting sir at the end of a sentence x_X) Just work on your voice so it sounds androgynous enough in real time.

I'm actually 5'8" lol Barely scraping, but still 5'8". Everyone around here is Mexican & Mexican girls are really short (Usually around 5'3" & below). I feel like even 5'7" would be kind of tall around here. & Thank you for your kind words You're very pretty! & about the voice thing, I actually instinctively raise my voice when I'm answering / talking on the phone versus when I'm in public. I talk with my completely normal voice in public but online & over the phone, I talk in a higher pitch. I don't ever get sir'd on the phone, but alas, real life is not on the phone :/ It's scary talking in the female voice around friends because I'm afraid they'll tell me I sound annoying or it's weird or something.

[Lady_Oracle]

So once again, back on topic, how do you guys stay so content & sure of your passibility? I feel like anxiety from being TS has been etched into my soul.

Cause of my voice mainly and hair but I do have a very fem figure too. If I didn't have my voice, I would be having tons of anxiety out in public.

[TSJasmine]

I have similar issues Princess Jasmine. I'm not tall I'm 5'8" and 132 pounds but I have a deep voice and am not perfectly passable. I really hate it too. I started HRT at 24 19 years ago and was extremely unhappy, I would say more than extremely, it literally drove me insane it was so out of control, with what puberty had done to my appearance, both face and body. From very passable and pretty to possessing mannishness that I had never seen before. I wish I could say I was content and happy but not to sugarcoat I'm really not. I can pass physically although not as well as I would like but I really lost my attractiveness with the last part of puberty, which happened right before I began HRT. My voice is much like you described. Once I open my mouth it's all over. I'm sorry to come off so negative.  These things really depress me and have for a very long time. I'm going back to therapy over them.

5'8" is tall for a girl isn't it? I'm 5'8" too & it's usually taller than other girls :p If the features were bothering you so much, would you consider FFS? It can do wonders. Also, are you still on HRT? Or did you stop from the dysphoria? Allowing the HRT the time to reverse what puberty had done is part of the process too :x

[AngieFerg]

I had FFS Princess Jasmine with Dr. Ousterhout. It was not miraculous. It didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. I met some nice TS people while I was there but the surgery was disappointing. I spent a lot of money. In the pre-operative visit he told me that my forehead bone was very thin and he would not be able to give me as much reduction as he would prefer to be able to. That was based on my pre-operative x-rays. That was back in 2008.

[TSJasmine]

Cause of my voice mainly and hair but I do have a very fem figure too. If I didn't have my voice, I would be having tons of anxiety out in public.

How did you achieve it?

[TSJasmine]

I had FFS Princess Jasmine with Dr. Ousterhout. It was not miraculous. It didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. I met some nice TS people while I was there but the surgery was disappointing. I spent a lot of money. In the pre-operative visit he told me that my forehead bone was very thin and he would not be able to give me as much reduction as he would prefer to be able to. That was based on my pre-operative x-rays. That was back in 2008.

I'm sorry to hear that :/ Are you sure you're not passable? Or is it just the dysphoria? I can't imagine someone who started hormones when they were 24 not being passable

[amber roskamp]

Okay, sooo I've been on these forums for a while now & I've noticed that although many have their sad, dysphoric days, a lot of you are so happy & content with your transitions & passibility. I feel like, visually, I'm a passable person but what gives me away is my height & my voice. I fall into the tall category for a girl & I've noticed that when I speak, people stare at me. Until I speak, they only take a look, & not so much stare. (I really wonder what goes through their minds when they hear me talk) . Anyways, I'm just not that confident of a person to think I'm so fishy that nobody will know I'm TS by looking at me & although some may say I'm stealth, I'm really not & if I am, it's only by chance, not exactly by trying. Like I said, most people don't even take a second look unless I speak, in which case they keep taking more looks or just altogether stare as if they've never seen a tgirl before.

So once again, back on topic, how do you guys stay so content & sure of your passibility? I feel like anxiety from being TS has been etched into my soul.

Jasmine I have seen you post plenty of times and you are one of the prettiest girls here... 5'8 is with in the normal height for a girl. My mom is 5'8. Appearance wise I would say that there is absolutely nothing I have seen from your pics that would tell me that you are trans.

I think many of us struggle with confidence for  long time, but I feel like the more  you are out an about the more confident you will get. Any kind of transition always takes getting used to. whether it is moving to one city to another, leaving high school to go to college, or a mtf transition. It takes time to adjust in any of these cases. Some of the things you have to adjust to is the fact that people treat you differently. our society tends to put a lot more pressure on womens appearance then mens, so people tend to put a lot more of their focus on your appearance now that you are a women then they did when you were living as a boy.

just because you were getting stared at doesn't mean that its because they knew you were trans. it is likely that they might have just thought you were pretty. women always complain about getting stared at. Im guessing most the time people are staring at them it has nothing to do with them being perceived as trans.

as far as the voice goes just practice, practice, practice. Its really hard getting that right though.

[sam79]

I find that passing is all about confidence regardless of anything else.

Anxiety is just a fear ( sometime irrational, sometimes not ). Although anxiety comes first, it's what is before confidence. I remember the days before I found my confidence. I didn't pass, which gave me huge amounts of anxiety. But I've never let anxiety stop me. 99 times out of 100, the fear behind it is baseless. And so what anyway? I wasn't going to stop being the authentic me. And so confidence grew every time I pushed anxiety away.

Having said that, my confidence was shattered with one particular public and embarrassing event some time ago. It was shattered because I started denying and repressing being trans. It turned from a fact into a weapon, which when called out ripped me to shreds. I've learned a lot from that, and learned to own being trans as much as anything else. Then it's not something that can hurt me.

Now days, I've no idea how other people perceive me. I just go about my way and don't really take notice. There are no issues when chatting to anyone or doing anything. I occasionally notice guys checking me out, but otherwise I'm basically ignored ( which is just perfect ). I believe this is just blending in, which has always been my goal. But I've also little to be anxious about ( I think ). While I am tall at 6", my body is mildly feminine, and my voice is good. I don't just talk the talk .

So if you get anxiety over your voice which you know isn't where it needs to be, then invest and fix it ( I'm suggesting therapy, not surgery ). You're going to need your voice for the rest of your life, so invest... .

If you get anxiety over things like height ( which you're not tall compared ), then you're going to have to learn to deal with it. Anxiety over something you cannot change doesn't have much purpose. Remind yourself of that every time, and soon it will just be, and it won't bother you as it does now.

[TSJasmine]

Jasmine I have seen you post plenty of times and you are one of the prettiest girls here... 5'8 is with in the normal height for a girl. My mom is 5'8. Appearance wise I would say that there is absolutely nothing I have seen from your pics that would tell me that you are trans.

I think many of us struggle with confidence for  long time, but I feel like the more  you are out an about the more confident you will get. Any kind of transition always takes getting used to. whether it is moving to one city to another, leaving high school to go to college, or a mtf transition. It takes time to adjust in any of these cases. Some of the things you have to adjust to is the fact that people treat you differently. our society tends to put a lot more pressure on womens appearance then mens, so people tend to put a lot more of their focus on your appearance now that you are a women then they did when you were living as a boy.

just because you were getting stared at doesn't mean that its because they knew you were trans. it is likely that they might have just thought you were pretty. women always complain about getting stared at. Im guessing most the time people are staring at them it has nothing to do with them being perceived as trans.

as far as the voice goes just practice, practice, practice. Its really hard getting that right though.

Thank you Yeah, I honestly feel like if I sounded completely like a girl then I wouldn't be able to be clocked. I think that's the case with many tgirls. I've noticed that even if a girl has manly features, we usually brush it off because their voice is a girls.

[TSJasmine]

post a clip in the voice thread. we'll be able to hear how you sound.

I use the Soundcloud mobile app and record off my mobile using the default voice recording app.

Okay I made a soundcloud. Anything you want me to read from for the recording? lol

[AngieFerg]

I'm sorry to hear that :/ Are you sure you're not passable? Or is it just the dysphoria? I can't imagine someone who started hormones when they were 24 not being passable

Passable yes but perfectly passable no. I was pre-op a lot of that time and I regret not getting post op sooner. I went off HRT for a short time and the testosterone came back but it didn't completely undo what the injections that I had been on had done. When the T came back it was awful. Body hair and body odor were horrific.  The injections were by far the most effective way of taking estradiol from my experience btw.  One thing that all the years of estrogen in the world doesn't seem to change is a deep voice from puberty. The bone structural change also will not change back and demasculinize in face or body. I saw a lot of bone structure change in my face just in the year and a half before I started HRT at 24. Let me tell you the difference between 20 and 24 in me was phenomenal. At 20 I still looked like my old self but at 24 my face had changed shape and had a cleary mannish look that I did not have at 20. I was very pretty before the last part of puberty still and I could not stand to look in the mirror, literally, after the last bit of change. I was in really  bad shape over it and had some emotional breakdowns over it. Those feature changes would never go away with HRT in all the years. It won't change bone structure.

[Megumi]

I'm 5'11" and people tell me all the time that I'm very pretty even though that's hard to believe while living in the land of the 5'2"-5'5" tall girls. I stand out like a sore thumb and get stared at all of the time for my height but I don't have issues. I've learned that people see me just as a really tall woman who is pretty, or at least that's the jist I've gotten from people when I've outed myself. My best feature though is my voice and that seals the deal or at least that's what I think as I have busted my rear end over the last year to get my voice in good shape where everyone says it's amazing.

[Stephe]

I feel like, visually, I'm a passable person but what gives me away is my height & my voice. I fall into the tall category for a girl & I've noticed that when I speak, people stare at me. Until I speak, they only take a look, & not so much stare. (I really wonder what goes through their minds when they hear me talk).

So once again, back on topic, how do you guys stay so content & sure of your passibility?

I went to a voice trainer and fixed my voice. THAT gave me untold amounts of confidence in myself. When people see girl and hear boy it really scrambles something in their brain and I can see why. Even if people clock me as being TG, my voice matches my appearance and it doesn't freak people out.

[Stephe]

I've noticed that even if a girl has manly features, we usually brush it off because their voice is a girls.

BINGO! I'm always shocked how much time/money/effort people put into everything else when the voice is IMHO the very first thing you should address when starting to transition. A good voice or even decently female sounding voice will "unclock" you if other parts of you aren't 100% passable.

[ImagineKate]

I have a voice therapist I'm going to but if I can't get good results I'm going to Yeson or Haben. She said my voice isn't all that low and I could get good results. I want to wake up in the morning and sound female from the get go without even thinking about it.

Voice is my major insecurity. To heck with FFS, I probably won't need it and I dread having it anyway.

[TSJasmine]

taken from IDEAS. copyright belongs to them
When the sunlight strikes raindrops in the air, they act as a prism and form a rainbow. The rainbow is a division of white light into many beautiful colors. These take the shape of a long round arch, with its path high above, and its two ends apparently beyond the horizon. There is , according to legend, a boiling pot of gold at one end. People look, but no one ever finds it. When a man looks for something beyond his reach, his friends say he is looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

https://soundcloud.com/bunny443/pot-of-gold