Passing & Staying positive

[TSJasmine]

tons and tons of practice!  To stop that nasally voice from happening all you have to do is relax your voice box as much as you can and speak from the top of your throat so it feels like you're pushing air from the top, not from the back of the throat... idk if that makes sense 

Hmmm so almost like making a little bit more of a breathey sound when I speak?

[Jordan]

Same for me, whenever I talk then people stare up until then Im just a kinda tall girl, then some people will call me "he"

Had people one day say "she" then the next "he"... get called sir and he on the phone 10+ times a day...

Kinda got frustrated with it at first, I know my natural voice is tuff and masculine, but I dont think I should ever hide it, its not something I feel I need to change to feel more Like the Gender I know I am...  I cant really hear my voice as being masculine only other people think that, to me Im just me...

So Ive chosen to just talk as normal when I open my mouth.

Sometimes I'll get uber deep when I really need too and I find that my serious MAN voice can get things accomplished on the phone when I need to with certain types of people lol...

Its actually really interesting to be looked at as If Im the strange one in whatever situation sometimes, It reminds me how people can make decisions so instantly.  Spontaneous change in a human mind is a amazing thing to see 10+ times a day.. 

But beside all the scientific evidence I hope to gleam from my existence and the impact I make on others, I am just happy to be right now and dont care what I sound like or how tall I am but if these things are so important to you they can be modified but only in very very serious cases and Voice surgery should only be considered definitely as a last resort..

[katiej]

Hmmm so almost like making a little bit more of a breathey sound when I speak?

For me, it's the opposite of this.  To get rid of the nasal sound I have to consciously push my voice and project a bit more.  So it's the opposite of breathey.

[CrissyMarie]

I have my brother give me his honest opinion on both looks and voice and he gives me advice and tells the truth.  So, I learned to speak and sing more like a natural girl by singing all the time and chat normal in record mode on my phone and adjust as I need to.  Once I find what I like I try to hold it there and keep using that tone so my mind remembers it and it comes out naturally when I go to speak.  Nobody has said anything or was curious as I walk and dress correctly.  Proper makeup, and dress right.  It takes a lot of practice but with HRT it has increased my confidence 80% as I still have my nerves but yet I fight through it and just try to be me.  I only use woman's restroom, as I'm to scared to ever go back into men's bathroom ever again.  I'm 5'8" by the way and I've met lots of girls shorter then me and a lot who were the same size as me.  I usually make the short girls I'm near laugh to make me feel more comfortable.  "You girls are so short, I feel like a giant".  They laugh and usually reply with a smile "nah, you're fine girl".  So, confidence in who you are goes a long way because the way I've played things out in public and in my head is denial of my past and say I was born this way I'm just a tall girl.  When you have that attitude and go around like you've been a girl forever then people start to assume your a normal average girl.  Just like today I walked into woman's restroom without hesitation and said jokingly "wow this bathroom is crowded", and waited my turn.  Ya sure I was taller then every girl waiting in there and got looks, but the looks stopped once this woman came out of the stall I was waiting for and was the same height as me.  Lol.  It's all about confidence, practice, and attitude.

[Joanna Dark]

So once again, back on topic, how do you guys stay so content & sure of your passibility? I feel like anxiety from being TS has been etched into my soul.

I used to have tons of anxiety and I'm tiny (5'5.5 and 120 lbs), but I always thought I never passed. Apparently my voice sounds fine, and I was actually wondering this, but people never change their body language when I speak. I don't even pass as a man. And that might sound great, and it is, but you lose validation and you're always left to wonder what people think. But now I just accept people see me as female no mater what but it took time. I'm still insecure. I think it's a process. I've been transitioning for nearly 21 months, so it's been awhile. Give it time and everything will fall into place. Just try to talk in a feminine voice and don't stop. That's what i did. I prolly sounded weird at first but now...completely femme and never get sir'd ever.

[Skeptoid]

I have tons of anxiety about passing or not. I don't think I do but at the same time not many people bug me about it. When people approach from behind I get quite a few double takes just wearing (women's) jeans and tshirts when I use the restroom. However, not so sure about the front. I only got ma'amed for the first time on a front approach last Friday. It was the dude handing me my food at a cafeteria line style restaurant.

When I wear a dress (I haven't in public since before I started hormones. I'm kinda crazy and once my own breasts started growing I really didn't want to pad anymore so I'm waiting until this coming spring to see how it is.) people could be staring because they notice my face or because they think I have a nice figure. It's really confusing for me and makes it hard to tell whether I should be nervous or proud.

[katrinaw]

Aaah, voice.... Got from a close Fully MTF TG friend the name of a voice trainer... certainly hot on my list of firsts, then facial Hair etc.

But like others have mentioned if voice training does not work by the time I go fulltime (and come out fully) Yeson is hot on my radar.

Everything that has been said through this thread is of value... thanks all

Jasmine, great topic, thanks 

L Katy

[Lostkitten]

The more you are afraid to be spotted, the less you will pass. Even if you just think about it your whole expression/posture changes. Confidence makes you pass.

I know it is not always as easy as that but try to get to a point where you don't worry so much anymore if you pass as a woman, but if you pass being you. Sure, you want to be seen as a woman but 90% of the people you pass in your daily life are not people you ever get to know, and matters how they look at you. So don't worry so much about them, live your life and well, it is understandable to get anxious when you talk to someone and your voice isn't good enough yet.

For many you will notice that if you worry less, you will pass more.

[Pia Bianca]

https://soundcloud.com/bunny443/pot-of-gold

I'd gender that voice female.

[LizMarie]

I'm 5 foot 9 inches now and was 5 foot 10 inches when I started HRT. I was worried about my height as my spouse, daughter, sister, mother, and grandmother were all shorter than me. Then one of my best friends (natal female) pointed out to me that several of my female friends were taller than me, including her, and that one of my natal female friends was over 6 feet. After she said that I began noticing how many tall women I saw downtown at lunch time at various lunch stops. And then I stopped worrying about my height.

In my experience talking to people, the things that will "out" you the fastest are voice, beard shadow, nervousness when presenting female, and failing to take care of your face. Get those eye brows done! Use a good foundation to cover shadow until you're done with electrolysis and/or laser. Work on that voice or get to Yeson and be done with it. And most of all, start being comfortable with yourself.

[Allyda]

I'm waiting for that day to happen lol Also, is it true hormones can make you shrink? I've always wanted to shrink & I *actually* think I have. When I very first started hormones I was 5'8" 1/2". Now, ever since I started, I get recorded being slightly shorter & last time I went I was 5'8" flat. If I drop under the 5'8" scale next time I go I'll flip because all my prayers were heard lol

Sorry hun, hrt doesn't make you shrink. I have dropped a shoes size tho since beginning hrt from a woman's size 9 down to a woman's size 8. But I think part of that is getting more of my arch back from having broken my feet a few times. 5 ft. 8 in. is only just above average height for a woman these days. I'm 5-5 but in heels or my wedges I'm 5-9, lol! There are lot's of tall women out there. So have fun, live your life and just be you dismissing worries about height cuz for this day and age your not that tall.

Ally

[Skeptoid]

I've been told I "appear" confident though. I try my best to not slouch, walk from point A to point B without glancing around like a nervous wreck, etc., etc.

[Joanna Dark]

I never really saw the effect of confidence as I'm pretty insecure yet I pass no matter what: crappy clothes, no makeup, dirty, blah, blah, blah. But I have been on a regular dose of HRT for 14 months and an extremely low, very inconsistent dose for six months before that. However, I also have a rare condition and am a true hermaphrodite. That term doesn't bother me since in the mid-1980s when I was born that's what I thought of myself and it's very hard to stop thinking it. I believe this super charges my feminization, so there's that. I went to get my meds yesterday at a place where many trans women get their's and the pharmacist told me to enter the guy's number whose medication I was picking up for him.

So I don't know. But I'm sure confidence and proper presentation more than anything goes a long way. There's a reason some other girls I know when someone makeup is over done call it "->-bleeped-<- makeup." I can't stress the importance of practice on makeup, mannerisms and immersing yourself in your womanhood will have on passing. If you're dressed right and have your maekup done flawlessly yet subdued, most will pass.

[katrinaw]

Sorry hun, hrt doesn't make you shrink. I have dropped a shoes size tho since beginning hrt from a woman's size 9 down to a woman's size 8. But I think part of that is getting more of my arch back from having broken my feet a few times. 5 ft. 8 in. is only just above average height for a woman these days. I'm 5-5 but in heels or my wedges I'm 5-9, lol! There are lot's of tall women out there. So have fun, live your life and just be you dismissing worries about height cuz for this day and age your not that tall.

Ally

Somewhere between Women's 8 and 9 depending on style and make... I am also only 5'4" Bare feet and standing bolt upright... so I really hope the only shrinkage I get is shoulder width... 

Will also take on the more positive and confident stance / approach... thanks all 

L Katy

[ᴏɴᴇ ʟɪғᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ ☆]

I pass probably about 90% of the time so I'm really quite lucky. I'm 5'7" so just a bit taller than the average woman, really hoping there's justice in this world and I stay somewhere in a normal range once I'm post-pubescent. My voice is not super low yet (I'm fifteen) and mostly just kinda cracks a lot. When it does is mostly when I get second glances. I'm pretty content with myself right now.

[TSJasmine]

I pass probably about 90% of the time so I'm really quite lucky. I'm 5'7" so just a bit taller than the average woman, really hoping there's justice in this world and I stay somewhere in a normal range once I'm post-pubescent. My voice is not super low yet (I'm fifteen) and mostly just kinda cracks a lot. When it does is mostly when I get second glances. I'm pretty content with myself right now.

I was like 5'7" when I was 15 too lol It's amazing how much you can grow in a year Maybe you'll get lucky though!

[Skeptoid]

Oh my goodness if I was able to turn the clock back to where you are now, knowing what is possible... I'd have fought with all I have to get testosterone blockers.

One more thing about that confidence bit. I have met nervous wrecks of natal girls and they have no problems being identified as women. I've met girls who act very "mannish," yet they have no trouble being identified as women.

[Joanna Dark]

One more thing about that confidence bit. I have met nervous wrecks of natal girls and they have no problems being identified as women. I've met girls who act very "mannish," yet they have no trouble being identified as women.

Exactly. As much as peeps talk about confidence, and it is a big part for some peeps, if you look cis, are tiny, busty and have curves and no visible "tells," you will pass and be she'd and miss'd no matter what. But, you can have none of those things and still pass 100 percent without confidence, as long as your presentation is right. The number one thing I taught myself through practice is makeup. I'm actually quite proud of myself, and I know some loathe makeup in these parts, and that's fine for them, but I do hear a lot of anti-makeup talk, or used to here, and I never thought it was fair that I would get called a stereotype simply because I lovelovelove makeup. It's just who I am and when I look good and really did a great job with my makeup, I feel uber-confident. And it shows cause I felt that way yesterday and this really hot guy let me go first and was smiling at me (in that I'd klove to get in her panties type of way) but though this is harsh or eeky, I can't help but become weak in the knees when a cute guy smiles at me (if he isn't so hot, I might get creeped, depending on the level of smile and if it's a I want her legs wrapped around me look). I get called babe or baby or little mama and a thousand other pet names daily when I'm out and I've learned to love it. Or deal. Most will get here if you stay on HRT long enough. I would love to know firm stats on detransition, as I'm almost certain many stop for family or spousal reasons, which I get, but I feel like I'm living a dream with my hottie, bearded BF, so it can happen to you too. I'm no model.

Gawd, I talk too much, but really I can't stress learning how to do makeup, if you're into it even a little, because it really does boost your confidence. Ninety percent of women won't leave the house on a first date or a job interview without makeup.

[Skeptoid]

I have nothing against makeup. I just want it to enhance preexisting passability, na'mean? If I roll out of bed I want peope to see a bedraggled lady not an incredibly, stunningly, almost mind blowingly, attractive dude.

[TSJasmine]

Exactly. As much as peeps talk about confidence, and it is a big part for some peeps, if you look cis, are tiny, busty and have curves and no visible "tells," you will pass and be she'd and miss'd no matter what. But, you can have none of those things and still pass 100 percent without confidence, as long as your presentation is right. The number one thing I taught myself through practice is makeup. I'm actually quite proud of myself, and I know some loathe makeup in these parts, and that's fine for them, but I do hear a lot of anti-makeup talk, or used to here, and I never thought it was fair that I would get called a stereotype simply because I lovelovelove makeup. It's just who I am and when I look good and really did a great job with my makeup, I feel uber-confident. And it shows cause I felt that way yesterday and this really hot guy let me go first and was smiling at me (in that I'd klove to get in her panties type of way) but though this is harsh or eeky, I can't help but become weak in the knees when a cute guy smiles at me (if he isn't so hot, I might get creeped, depending on the level of smile and if it's a I want her legs wrapped around me look). I get called babe or baby or little mama and a thousand other pet names daily when I'm out and I've learned to love it. Or deal. Most will get here if you stay on HRT long enough. I would love to know firm stats on detransition, as I'm almost certain many stop for family or spousal reasons, which I get, but I feel like I'm living a dream with my hottie, bearded BF, so it can happen to you too. I'm no model.

Gawd, I talk too much, but really I can't stress learning how to do makeup, if you're into it even a little, because it really does boost your confidence. Ninety percent of women won't leave the house on a first date or a job interview without makeup.

I agree with this so much. If it weren't for makeup, I can't say I'd be even slightly passable. I love makeup & I've always been very infatuated with it & the beauty & illusions it can bring. I wear quite a bit of makeup, but I wear sheer foundation so it's not cake at all. The only place my face looks semi-caked is my under eyes & that's only because I have bad dark circles & MAC Studio Fix Concealer is the only think thick enough to cover them, plus it doesn't crease so it's lovely. Eyeshadow is almost an every day thing for me, but it's usually natural & only ever semi-dramatic if I'm going out to a party.