I Dont Want To, But I Have To

[Deltaforce]

How do people deal with it...the coming out fully, and your apperance changing? Should I even dare tackle this subject?

You see, it's sort of a complicated story...It started earlier, a few months ago. I just started college, the world was going good. I decided to join a GSA in my school, sort of secretely (I know it wasnt the smartest thing to do) and basically, my mom found out (she's against anything LGBT, is a Bible thumping Christian.) Now, the thing is, that when she was wondering why I would join such a club, I lied and pretended I was straight (I am actually pansexual), which caused her to think that it made no sense to go there, since "I was straight, and they wouldnt accept me, or try to convert me"  That's not too much of an issue, but the thing is, I'm not really straight at all, and I dont exactly identify as female. Now, I've been wondering how it may go if I decided to come out to her...and even more, I may have to do it sometime. I'm planning in the near future to make myself more masculinized, and she will definitely notice that...and I am also in love with my friend, who I may decide to be with in the near future as well, and she will definitely notice that also. I dont know how to deal with it, how to handle it...because I keep on looking at it from her point of view, and all I see from her point of view is that the little girl she had is becoming a man partially, and all the stigma and such attached to it. At the same time, it's becoming increasingly difficult to get things done as a girl, because to be honest, I hate being a girl, and would just like to look and be a man for a few months of my life at the very least. I dont know whether it would be a good idea to come out to either of my parents...because my dad is really great with this kind of stuff, and doesnt judge, but my mom on the other hand sees it as confused people. Once we nearly got into that conversation, and she was like, "Are you one of those people who thinks they're a boy?" and I ended up shutting up about it.

I dont know what to do...because everything keeps on feeling just horrible. It feels like everything I do will be overshadowed by my gender-I would love to do things like dance and act, but I couldnt stand having to do such as a woman...and yet, coming out to my mom feels like a double edged sword...because I feel like if I'm stealing her daughter away from her, the one she knew.  I dont know how to come out well, and, well, should I dare? I dont want to get kicked out of my house and at the same time, I cant do anything with this body as it is. And, more importantly, how do you deal with the change in appearance when it comes to other people seeing yourself? It feels like some akward, weird thing that I wish not to touch, and yet I have to. I dont know if this is exactly a coming out question, but it's along that lines, so I'll ask away.

(also, sorry for my continous topics...I've never had much people to talk about this    )

[ᴏɴᴇ ʟɪғᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ ☆]

Hey there Deltaforce We seem to be kinda similar and no one else has replied so I figured I'd add my two cents.
My mom is  also  die-hard Christian who wears a crucifix daily and has a tattoo of Jesus on her forehead (okay I may be making that last part up ) so I can totally relate.

How do people deal with *gasp* coming out and transitioning, you ask? The only real answer is that somehow minute by minute you just do it. If you come to the conclusion that you are indeed trans, my guess would be that at some point there will come a day where you can not bear to spend another day in the wrong body. Now, as you mentioned you're in college and therefore an adult you are at perfect liberty to do what you please without your parents' permission. But given what you've posted it sounds like your relationship with your mother is pretty important and so you may need to come out sometime soon.

There are many good examples on the web of ways to do this. I would recommend a heartfelt letter--it's honest and it gives her time to think before getting back to you. Then you guys can sit down and have this highly consequential talk. On the topic of what to include, talk about whatever you feel is relevant--when you realized you didn't feel female, how you feel about it now, and what you plan to do about it is a good place to start.

Alright my hands starting to cramp and I think I've covered everything of importance. If you have any other questions email me or reply back here. Good luck!

[FTMax]

It's kind of like ripping a band-aid off. Fast or slow, it's not much fun.

I came out out of necessity, after a long time of being closeted and finally realizing that I needed to transition if I was ever going to be truly happy with my life. That was how I explained it to my parents - that this wasn't a passing phase or simple desire of mine, that it was a necessity for me to be able to lead any kind of life. I answered all of their questions about what it would mean for me, my life, my relationships, etc. And they're cool with it.

My dad is a super conservative, evangelical Christian. I was fully expecting to be disowned when I came out to him, but he has worked incredibly hard to get my name right, get pronouns right, and make sure other people treat me like his son. He probably gets more offended than I do when I get misgendered. I honestly think it was all due to how I presented it.

So if you decide you need to come out (and there are plenty of people who don't), find the way that you can be most honest whether that's in person, in a letter, or over the phone. Really give some thought to what you want to convey, and go for it. No matter what their beliefs are, I don't think any parent in the world wants their child to suffer. Just tell them how you feel and why you need to do what you're doing.