Somewhere in the middle

[Innes]

I am new to these forums but found it in order to find myself some help and answers to questions I have.

I am 20. I have been crossdressing for 7 years or so. I used to have therapy to decide if I wanted to transition but decided to not do it, I felt I was too young for the choice and needed to wait. I regret this a fair bit but I don't dwell on it as I don't have the ability to go back.

I still, to this day do not think I want to transition but I want to hit that middle point, where I have an androgynous appearance so I can fit into both male and female. I know if I take hormones I can do this. (Atleast I think)

The issue is, though I can go through with transitioning, I want to still be a man and have a working (Sorry for getting graphic but its the only way to explain my feelings) penis. I know I can freeze sperm but to me that isn't the same. I need to find that middle point where I can still live as a fully working man but be able to have more feminine features and become more feminine physically.

Thank you, any help is useful

Notes: I am booking an appointment to go back to therapy, but I want to know my options quickly so I can think about them before any session starts. I have done some googling but I cannot find anything useful.

[Axolotl]

I suppose it's a question of why you may want to transition.  Is it for you to feel like your true self?  Or is it more about looking a certain way?  There is overlap between those two concepts.  Really, the question you may want to ask yourself is what are your priorities?  Is sex and reproduction a higher priority to you than requiring femininity to be your true self?

I grew up with an androgynous appearance, and I usually hated it.  People were cruel to me, and everyone's influence always pushed me in the male direction.  My own feelings pushed me towards the feminine side.  I eventually tried to transition, but I stopped because my family convinced me I should want to get married and have children as my highest priority.

I let other people's advice influence me into thinking I valued sex and potentially having children over what I really require to be me.  I wish I had made the decision to stop letting other people influence me sooner, because then I would have had 10 more years of my life that actually had value.  My transition was delayed by 10 years because of a situation similar to what you're describing.  I hope you find your answers.

[Devlyn]

Hi Innes, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm the resident Bostonian.

Not what you want to hear, but everyone's mileage varies on HRT. There are no guarantees of development, function or fertility. I want a working penis, too, but I'm currently struggling with function and libido issues. You have tough decisions to make. Most of us have faced or will face them. We can't make your decision, but we'll walk the path with you.    See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Roberta W]

There are ways to have some feminine features without destroying your male functionality should you decide you need it in the future ... After all, you're young.  You could consider the following:  Breast Implants, Electrolysis, pierced ears & earrings, longer hair ... And your attire, of course.  With those things, you'll be addressed as ma'am most of the time, yet you have not touched the functionality of your male parts.

[Jacqueline]

Hi Innes,

Welcome to the site. It looks like people have already given you the different pov. I can't really help as I want to transition and the working libido is not as high a priority to me. Actually been a relief to have it reduce.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna