im cutting him off

[Jo-is-amazing]

Yay!!!
You can do it
Best of luck Jaz
>--(^_^)--< <3

[Joanna Dark]

But...if he stays...you may have a good thing going on.

Bingo!

With my BF I had just started HRT, so I looked the same as ever, and his whole thingy/reason for approaching me was caused he thought  I looked pleasant and couldn't tell if I was a boy or a girl, but thought I was a girl. He said he wouldn't have been able to sleep if he didn't find out.  We talked, hung out, I stayed over his apartment (On the couch, as we stayed up all night chatting and laughing. We clicked very, very well). And now, 18 months later, we'll still together. I told him that night (I'm trans, even though I'm intersex. I appropriate the trans label cause it's easier and I'm intersex, but it doesn't matter).

We didn't hook up for six months, though we shared the same bed when we moved in together within three months of meeting, and usually I would be stand off-ish but it was the day after my B-Day, I had a lot of money, I was high, just sold my weight set, and had a new iPad). We met in prolly one of the worst areas in N. America: The Somerset Bridge in Kensington, Philadelphia.

So, I never thought he'd call, check my posts from June 5-10, 2013 and you'll see. My point is, is that Beth is right: you have everything to gain and nothing to lose, except some face. it sucks being trans but sometimes ya gotta bite the bullet. If you're post-op though, then...if you can keep that secret, I wouldn't call you a liar. You have the right to privacy and some secrets, especially a medical one. You are a woman after all. What is a a woman if not a being filled with secrets. Or is that just empty deoadarant sticks jk lol Don't just give up. For yourself. You deserve happiness. There are so many times I wanted to give up and no matter what happens I know that we love each other, that we loved each other and so if I just walked away because I didn't want to divulge...that would be the worst torture. What could have been

[Daisy Jane]

Thanks, I'm going to do #2. I'm scared of losing him.

Glad to hear you've changed your mind. I've had someone disappear on me out of the blue, and it has made it really hard to trust people.

[Pia Bianca]

I know your situation is difficult and I can totally relate. While I was never in a situation to tell somebody I'm trans (yet), I have things in the closet, too. Telling someone your best kept secrets is a big sign of trust and might deepen your love for each other even more.

Sure... there's the possibility of everything going bad. But afterwards you'd know at least. Running away will make you wonder forever if there might have been a chance for you two.

That said, you've nothing to loose. Just throw in all your love and trust and everything will end well. And looking at your avatar I'd say dumping you were the bigger sin...

[ImagineKate]

He's Catholic, he'll believe it's a sin to be with me.

Can you cite church doctrine that says this? I was told that the Church is largely silent on transgender individuals.

I am probably the worst example, but I have been divorced (marriage annulled by the church) and trans (haven't figured out that one yet). I still go to church and I'm even a lector in the church. I will probably have to stop being a lector but that doesn't stop me from being Catholic.

[Deborah]

The church is largely silent but will not recognize a gender change.  It has stated that gender is what exists between your legs at birth and that it cannot be changed by surgery or hormones.

So, by church standards a mtf and a male would be homosexual and not permitted to wed.

Here is a link with the Catholic Church's position as far as it has been made public. 

http://ncronline.org/news/vatican-says-sex-change-operation-does-not-change-persons-gender


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[ImagineKate]

The church is largely silent but will not recognize a gender change.  It has stated that gender is what exists between your legs at birth and that it cannot be changed by surgery or hormones.

So, by church standards a mtf and a male would be homosexual and not permitted to wed.

Here is a link with the Catholic Church's position as far as it has been made public. 

http://ncronline.org/news/vatican-says-sex-change-operation-does-not-change-persons-gender


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First of all, some seem to think this is an unfounded rumor.

https://catholictrans.wordpress.com/2013/12/07/what-does-the-catholic-church-actually-say-about-->-bleeped-<-/#Document

Secondly this document also flies in the face of a lot of things from Vatican II.

For example, the church recognizes baptism from all Christian churches. I was baptized in the Presbyterian Church but I received my Catholic sacraments and I am catholic. Theoretically I can get them to change my gender on my baptismal record. Will they recognize that as valid?

They also left the door open:

"-- An analysis of the moral licitness of "sex-change" operations. It
concludes that the procedure could be morally acceptable in certain
extreme cases if a medical probability exists that it will "cure" the
patient's internal turmoil."

So they are saying it is morally acceptable in certain extreme cases. I guess if the choice is transition or suicide, would that qualify?

[Deborah]

They are saying the surgery may be licit but that it does not change your gender so marriage and holy orders would not be allowed.


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[Jaz650]

First of all, some seem to think this is an unfounded rumor.

https://catholictrans.wordpress.com/2013/12/07/what-does-the-catholic-church-actually-say-about-->-bleeped-<-/#Document

Secondly this document also flies in the face of a lot of things from Vatican II.

For example, the church recognizes baptism from all Christian churches. I was baptized in the Presbyterian Church but I received my Catholic sacraments and I am catholic. Theoretically I can get them to change my gender on my baptismal record. Will they recognize that as valid?

They also left the door open:

"-- An analysis of the moral licitness of "sex-change" operations. It
concludes that the procedure could be morally acceptable in certain
extreme cases if a medical probability exists that it will "cure" the
patient's internal turmoil."


So they are saying it is morally acceptable in certain extreme cases. I guess if the choice is transition or suicide, would that qualify?

Basically many clergy in the Church believe you will always be the sex you were born. This means that if you marry a man, you are in a same sex marriage, which if you're sexually active, you are committing a grave sin. However, it is true that there is no official teaching, and there is a teaching in the Catechism of Conscience. The other day my priest basically told me I can't marry a guy, so I puzzled him with the question what if I marry a guy that was born a girl? Lol

[Jill F]

OK, not Catholic here, but studied religion extensively in college.  My question:

If you were born intersex, whom can you marry if you are Roman Catholic?

[ImagineKate]

Basically many clergy in the Church believe you will always be the sex you were born. This means that if you marry a man, you are in a same sex marriage, which if you're sexually active, you are committing a grave sin. However, it is true that there is no official teaching, and there is a teaching in the Catechism of Conscience. The other day my priest basically told me I can't marry a guy, so I puzzled him with the question what if I marry a guy that was born a girl? Lol

Absolutely. And I will tell you that a lot of priests and religious have opinions but the only law that matters is what comes out of the Vatican.

I have hope that God will enlighten Pope Francis and fully welcome transgender into the church.

Remember the Church persecuted people for science, I believe Galileo was persecuted and I think they've since apologized. I have had priests and monks and nuns tell me that they believe in evolution and that the world was not literally created in 7 days, and not to take Genesis literally.

So my sister I would take some comfort in the fact that the Church can and does come around sooner or later. Just pray on it and don't give up on your dreams.

[ImagineKate]

OK, not Catholic here, but studied religion extensively in college.  My question:

If you were born intersex, whom can you marry if you are Roman Catholic?

They would probably tell you to stay celibate because you can't conceive.

[Deborah]

OK, not Catholic here, but studied religion extensively in college.  My question:

If you were born intersex, whom can you marry if you are Roman Catholic?

Intersex is considered a different category and so each case would be considered individually.  But there is nothing that categorically denies Intersex people the right to marry.


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[Jaz650]

I just told him...

[Jaz650]

Absolutely. And I will tell you that a lot of priests and religious have opinions but the only law that matters is what comes out of the Vatican.

I have hope that God will enlighten Pope Francis and fully welcome transgender into the church.

Remember the Church persecuted people for science, I believe Galileo was persecuted and I think they've since apologized. I have had priests and monks and nuns tell me that they believe in evolution and that the world was not literally created in 7 days, and not to take Genesis literally.

So my sister I would take some comfort in the fact that the Church can and does come around sooner or later. Just pray on it and don't give up on your dreams.

The Church is divided on many issues. The best we can do is pray, receive Absolution frequently, receive Communion, and ask Jesus to guide us through our Conscience. We're called to follow two Commandments Love God, and love our neighbor as ourselves.

[ImagineKate]

I just told him...

Hopefully he takes it well. You will be in my prayers.

[ImagineKate]

Intersex is considered a different category and so each case would be considered individually.  But there is nothing that categorically denies Intersex people the right to marry.


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So what about de la chappele's syndrome? Also known as XX males.

Who determines the sex at birth and on what criteria?

[Deborah]

I don't know how the judge each case anything I might say would be speculation.

My guess is that they will just play external genitals. If those were ambiguous, they would probably go with what the person feels.


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[Alexis2107]

I don't know what to do!! I thought I had it all figured out.. My priest supported me. I was supposed to forget my past, and be the best Catholic WOMAN I could be. But now this... I'm supposed to love my neighbor as myself, and honestly if I was him, I'd be hurt if a girl lied about not being transgender. He's so cute and smart, it would be wrong to lie and rob him from the chance of having children. How,am I supposed to act? What's morally right and wrong? I've come to the conclusion that I just need to let guys know at the beginning. I hope he lives a happy life, he deserves one.

You'll have children still sweetie... there's plenty of children that need good parents that they currently don't have and waiting to be adopted.  My fiance' told his parents that I just am unable to have children

[cassieohpia]

I so need to know what happens here. I will send out positive thoughts into the etherverse with one young man in their sights. I really hope he sees sense and realises who you really are. Your willingness to sacrifice makes you truly religious which is not that common in my experience.

The Catholic Church has had many divisions. Is this because of god or because of man? And I don't mean 'mankind'.

Only you can know the truth at the heart of your belief and this is the whole concept of 'faith'. The faith has to be in the truth, not the way it's been interpreted. If you were a scientist, like Gallileo, hundreds of years ago you would have been persecuted by a pope. Was god wrong then or were the men who interpreted him? Now the church endorses and supports evolution, the Big Bang theory...

Has god changed his mind? I doubt it. I will declare myself as agnostic but I can't see how god was wrong so often in the past. Rather, it was men choosing their interpretations to fit what they wanted. And trans*?? You are a woman. A beautiful one if somebody loves you.

Really hope he knows what he has and realises that god is love. Certainly any god that I'd give any credibility to.

Xxxx