It Just Gets More Confusing

[lindagrl]

Will try and keep this shortish.
i have been reading quite a bit about gender identity to get a clearer picture of who i am and i am still confused.
Took a couple of tests too, the Open Sex Role Inventory (too dated?) and another one that seems built on the same principles.
i got a score of masculine 100 and feminine 107 on the first one and Nearly Feminine on the other. Nearly, what a horrible word.
It seems to me that there are many acquired traits that could mess up the validity of the test outcome,
for instance i was raised to be tough or i wasn´t worth spit, so i became tough, but inside i was fragile and could not hide that very well
and the result was that i wasn´t worth spit.  i am so dismayed that i score mostly in between genders, it´s really disappointing,
now is that because i reject who i am and want to play pretend or because i truly identify more with one gender over the other?
Only i can answer that i guess and i don´t know.

i love to wear female clothing, but get no sexual kick out of it, it´s more like a tool to help my feminine side emerge.
i feel comfortable like that and even sexy and sensual but without the arousal.  i want to be feminine, am a nicer person like that,
it brings out my naturally submissive side, which i have had to stifle most of my life.  i want to become more feminine and am looking
for ways to accomplish that as i practice feminine traits almost all of the time now.  i don´t like the male me, it´s too extreme for my liking,
too rough around the edges, i want to be a nice person.  Taking hormones sounds like something i would want to do but i am fine with having a penis.
Will stop now before i repeat myself too much.  Does this make any kind of sense?
Thanks for reading this.
A person calling itself linda

[Seras]

You know the only test worth anything is this one.

http://amitransgender.com/

[lindagrl]

You know the only test worth anything is this one.

http://amitransgender.com/

Seras, i honestly laughed out loud and now am all smiles.
Thanks so much

[Seras]

I take it I don't have to explain it then

But yea, I did a bunch of those tests they really are worthless you know. If it was that easy then there would not be such a complex path to transitioning full of roadblocks imposed by psychs, therapists and the like. Ultimately it just comes down to how you feel which I think that link I posted is actually kind of illuminating for, when you think about how the answer made you feel.

As for the last part of your OP plenty of trans people do not have terrible dysphoria when it comes to genitals. Some never even seek the surgeries even if they can afford it. Doesn't matter. It is not a huge deal for me either. For me voice and facial surgeries are way higher on my list of priorities. On the other hand others feel the dysphoria on this stuff in the most crippling ways imaginable, this is why the tests are no good, there is no "typical" version of gender dysphoria.

Anyway I am glad you liked the link

[lindagrl]

i turned off the computer and went straight to bed after your first reply Seras, was so happy and did not want to start over analyzing again.
Half woke up a few times thinking about this, a bit scared some other message might come saying the opposite.
Yes yes, voice and face is very important to me too.
You really helped me so much, this is a major realization for me, a great big step in understanding me. 
Hugs to you if that´s ok

[sam79]

As much variety as there is in the definition of transgender, remember that the term covers all different parts of the spectrum. From crossdressers to bi-gender, gender fluid and more. The amount of diversity is truly amazing!

You've a good starting point to go from with a gender therapist. Just hold off from trying to work out the answer now. Working it all out will happen in good time .

xx

[lindagrl]

Hi SammyRose,
That´s good advice and think i can keep to it because i feel much better after finding this simple affirmation of what i want in my heart,
it really is all that matters to me at this time. A huge weight off of my shoulders 
ty xx

[Jessica-Louise]

You know the only test worth anything is this one.

http://amitransgender.com/

Haha that's brilliant. I love it!

I believe that if you even think that you're trans then you're almost definitely on the trans side of the spectrum. The real question though is does that mean one should have HRT and/ or surgery? Which of course takes a bit more thought. That's when it's time to speak to a gender specialist which is what I would recommend for you, lindagrl.

[katrinaw]

LoL Seras, nice 

Lindagrl - For me I have always wanted to transition, no confusion. If had looked to change as a six year old, right up till my twenties, I would have been psycho-analysed and been told its all in your head take these drugs to cure your disease.. or worse!

So I retreated into trying to be male, being CD in private at any opportunity! Over time the desire and emotions have pushed me to the brink of coming out so many times... but for the sake of the family etc. I pulled back at the last minute, until about 12 years ago.

Sometime around then I took the plunge into HRT (so calming and wonderful watching the changes (too slow for me tho)), anyway plan was to do 4 years, see how it runs then come out, well here I am... Did not follow my heart, soul and female drivers, now about to do more destruction than had I have taken control all those years ago (not the loony bin time  ).

So my advice is; if your heart says become a woman then follow it, else you will teeter on the edge forever, if you are just happy with CD'ing... then be happy continuing... not sure of collateral damage that you may bring on by transitioning into womanhood, but if that's where your heart is, better to call it when you're ready.... speaking from poor decision making on my part. BTW love HRT - my little life savers 

Love Katy

[Jade_404]

This entire thread even made me feel better about my path ahead 

Hugs to you all!!!!!!



Love,
Jade

[lindagrl]

Jessica, Katrinaw and Jade, thank you kindly for your input, really appreciate it.
That little link that Seras put up did the trick for me i think, at least there are no nagging doubts today about where to head.
i don´t know how to find a gender therapist here, don´t even know the correct Icelandic term for it,
but in about a week from now i will be going to a meeting of the small trans community here and i am sure
i will get some information then.  Am also looking for a new therapist to see, i think perhaps a woman would work best for me.
Yes sisters, it´s the heart that matters and i am just laughing now about how i could have been so confused when the
answer was there all along. Can never thank Seras enough for having simplified it for me. An epiphany moment i shall never forget.
Am going out for a walk with my wife now, will check back here later on, am just enjoying feeling a hundred pounds lighter.
love and hugs to you all
linda

[Deborah]

Will try and keep this shortish.
i have been reading quite a bit about gender identity to get a clearer picture of who i am and i am still confused.
Took a couple of tests too, the Open Sex Role Inventory (too dated?) and another one that seems built on the same principles.
i got a score of masculine 100 and feminine 107 on the first one and Nearly Feminine on the other. Nearly, what a horrible word.

A person calling itself linda

Those kind of tests are fun to take but in my opinion are nearly worthless in defining any sort of gender identity because they rely on stereotypes that don't hold up in the real world. 

For example, on one test I took the question was were you good at math.  If you are you are male and if not you are female.  That's really stupid and ignores the fact that some of the leaders and founders of the computer age were women.  (Google Grace Hopper).

Second, at higher IQ levels these cognitive academic differences are virtually non-existent.  So, have fun with the tests but don't base any decisions on YOU from their results.

Also, don't refer to yourself as it.  You are a human being with inherent dignity regardless of everything else.  Remember that first and everything else will follow.  :-)


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[Allyda]

Those kind of tests are fun to take but in my opinion are nearly worthless in defining any sort of gender identity because they rely on stereotypes that don't hold up in the real world. 

Also, don't refer to yourself as it.  You are a human being with inherent dignity regardless of everything else.  Remember that first and everything else will follow.  :-)

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I second this^^___^^. Never call yourself "it" hun. You are a wonderful feminine human being, a woman who is ready to come out of her shell and align your outside appearance with what's been inside all along. Yes, by all means get yourself a Gender Therapist if one is available in your area. If not you can explore online options. The support group is also a great idea. There you'll meet ladies and gents, Andro's  in a similar situation as yourself. I wish I had one close by me to go to.

Anyhoo, I wish you the very best as you begin your journey!

Ally

[Seras]

I just wanted to say that it made my day that I could cheer you up

I spent a long time trying to deliberate this stuff. Got a whole philosophy degree during my time of questioning myself and it still didn't figure it out. Until one day outside in the cold and snow having a smoke I just had a similarly simple epiphany that I had been feeling this way for so long and it hadn't gone anywhere. That having these desires and wants to transition and to be transgender over such a period of time and as a constant, pretty much is being transgender. What exactly you do and where you go with this is up to the individual but yea, it was a good day. It really was that simple, I could hardly believe it took me so long to see it. That was the final one of two realisations that for me really helped me accept myself.

[lindagrl]

i got that math question too and found it bizarre.
Ok girls, i won´t ever call myself an it again,
thank you so very much, can´t write much
just happy and kinda choked up from emotion.
Joining this forum was the first step, i want to tell you
how special you all are to me.
Glad i made your day Seras 
A woman called linda