Yesterday I had the strangest thing happen. I saw an old friend I don't see often. She'd heard my wife and I have separated and we hugged and cried a bit. Given that, I decided to explain why we'd separated. I know I can trust her confidentiality and so I began telling her I'm transgender. As I went on, her eyes welled up in tears and her face took on an anguished look. When she composed herself, she tearfully explained that last Christmas she and her adult children had found her husband had been online seeking out gay liaisons. He admitted as much to her and denied it to the kids.
I don't need to go into more detail, but this poor woman is devastated and because her husband is a well known and respected businessman and local figure she feels forced to secrecy. She has little knowledge of LGBT and apologized, but asked the difference between transgender and gay. I explained and while not at all condoning or excusing this guy's infidelity and betrayal of her trust, I did try to explain that being gay or bi wasn't a choice for him and a tiny bit of the feelings of need, but shame, fear of detection, etc that he has felt and undoubtedly continues to feel.
She now knows about me but more importantly was able to talk about her situation as well and release some of the feelings she's had to hide. I was shocked to hear this story, but not as surprised as I would have been had I not been transgender. It was a blessing that both of us were able to share. I promised her I'd be available to her at any time she needs to talk, vent, whatever.
Oh! And later in the day, a member of my church came to me on a matter relating to her daughter, a freshman at an all women's college. She started telling me about the girl's roommate issues, social pressures, etc when suddenly she was speaking of a "terrible" situation where one young freshman 'girl' NOW wants to be addressed as a male!! (oh no!!!) AND 'she' is EVEN going to have SURGERY (Oh heaven forbid!!!).
This woman has NO idea that I myself am transgender (pre-transition) but I was able to explain to her also that this young man, though 'she' for now, is in a woman's body, is just another person; that this is not something to be feared, disgusted with, or angry about... also that transgender individuals are just like the 'normal' population with some being nice and some being not so nice, etc. Thankfully this woman has a lot of respect for me and I believe I was successful in giving her a different and far healthier perspective. I indirectly suggested she pass on what I'd said to her daughter and I have hopes she will.
BTW, I think I'd heard/read an NPR report on just that young man in a story about an increasing issue at all-women's colleges where a 'girl' will apply to the school and then having been accepted comes out as transgender. Obviously, school administration and student reactions are all over the place, but in all reported cases there is a dialogue going on and there are attempts to be somewhat fair, reasonable, and intelligent on some level.
Each of these situations gave me a good feeling in that I was able to help another person with a listening ear, an open heart and a bit of understanding. It's easy (for me at least) to become mired in all of my own issues revolving around my gender and it was refreshing and encouraging to know that my perspective as transgender could help other people in surprising and unsuspected ways.
