Hello Ladies, This forum is simply amazing, am so very happy to be here and thankful for the understanding, patience and guidance i have received
from you it´s magnificent, courageous, wise and generous members. Too much? No you really deserve all the praise i can think of.
i want to try and give something back and maybe i can. i want to tell you the story of my wife and i, how we got to where we are today.
First a little history.
Before we found each other we were in a desperate situation with our lives. Jenn was stuck in severe poverty in the land of her birth The Philippines.
Her heart was broken, her only real boyfriend had abandoned her for his former love and her future seemed bleak. Eldest of four sisters, she
was the only one still not married. She had plenty of suitors but was looking for real love and at 35 she was almost giving up all hope for herself.
Her sister lived in Thailand at that time with her American husband and invited her to stay. There she first tried the internet and found me there.
i was in a really bad way, i could not hold onto a job, was going through a family tragedy that was tearing me apart and had been alone for 20 years.
Was a daily smoker of Cannabis, had tried many times to quit but no amount of rehab and AA seemed to be able to drive the addiction from me.
The loneliness was driving me mad, i had become almost totally recluse, angry at the world and myself and known to my neighbors as that crazy "guy."
i decided to give myself one last chance and spent a whole night making a profile on MSM. Jenn wrote her first ever email to me and i fell for her instantly.
After saving up every bit of cash i could i was able to come to her two years later and we married in her little village in the mountains of Negros Oriental.
Stay with me please, i am getting to the important part.
i had many times mentioned to Jenn that i was submissive and that it was important to me to be able to share that with her, but coming from a patriarchal
background she could not grasp the concept of what that meant and always just said OK dear, love is the important thing, we will work it out.
i began wearing panties and had no idea why i was doing that, just knew that i liked it. Jenn was very confused but tried to hide that and be supportive
of my needs, even buying panties for me when out shopping. i started thinking of myself as a sissy, having learned that term in chat rooms and soon
i wanted to wear nothing but female clothing while at home. To say that it blew her mind would not be an understatement, she was very worried about us.
She also felt that this behavior really was too much, a deal braker and although we talked a lot we could feel how we were slowly moving away from each other.
She did not want to know anything about it anymore, said you just do your thing, but please don´t involve me in it. i was still hooked on the smoke and that
more than anything was hurting our marriage. There was lots of drama and plenty of crying, but we still loved each other desperately and clung on to hope.
This is becoming longer than i thought it would be, sorry about that, but i am on a roll and have to continue.
My character was changing, it felt as if i was emerging from a cocoon that i had hidden in for so long. i did not understand what was going on but i knew
that i was something other than a sissy, being feminine had become very important to my peace of mind, was not something i could just turn off.
Our sex life had all but stopped, not because she did not want it, but because i was not able to be a man any longer, it just felt wrong and i could
not explain to her why. We were both hurting pretty badly, but always we clung on to love and hoping we could somehow find a way.
Early in our marriage she had to deal with serious illness, first Graves Disease and shortly after she recovered from that, breast cancer.
It was more than enough for her to deal with and here i was acting crazier with each passing year. i can´t understand how she stuck with me.
A couple of years ago after 9 years of marriage we reached the point of full crisis. That´s when our breakthrough happened.
Somehow she had worked out in her mind that there were more serious problems than me dressing and acting feminine and she began to view
it in a different manner, she was interested now and that big change of heart made all the difference to us. She finally began seeing me as i am,
a woman in a mans body. She beat me to it, because i was still lost in space with no idea why i was acting like i was. Our sex life improved but had changed,
we were like a couple of girl friends and we both liked it very much. She liked the change in character, i was milder, gentler, more patient and loving.
Life became fun again, we rediscovered our laughter. She would sometimes look at me moving about the apartment in my skirt and top and say
look at you, you are a girl, that´s so cute and i would blush and we would both laugh as i nodded my head.
i could have saved you all this reading and simply written that transitioning had saved our marriage, but would you have understood how?
Recently things have moved fast. Now she is my most fervent supporter and says don´t even think about turning back, i don´t want that,
there is nothing to turn back to. We are happier and closer now than we have ever been and we cherish what we have together.
It´s been almost two weeks since i quit the Cannabis and for the first time ever i don´t feel it trying to pull me back in.
i don´t want it anymore, there is nothing to go back to.
It´s been a long and winding road, but i think we are going to make it. Sometimes i am still a troubled soul but it´s fleeting now, fading away.
The last part of my journey led me here to this forum and it was only today that with the help of the clever Seras that i finally took in who i am,
a lady called linda. Now i look forward to continuing on the path of self discovery and here is where i want to stay.
For you who made it all the way to the end, i say thank you for existing, don´t give up on love, it can conquer all.
Hugs to you all my sisters
