Raising a stink in the ladies room

[Ms Bev]

Okay, now I have to put the driver's license to good use, tomorrow.  I heard from a small grapevine of friends that there are rumbles in the female sector at work about me using the ladies room a few times lately.  Honestly, I prefer the ladies room in the mall food court, because it is usually very clean.  The one in my own store is DISGUSTING!  But.....sometimes, I just can't go the distance, as it were.  The food court potty is 5 times as far away.  Actually, I've only used ours in the store 3 times.
And, who would have guessed who busted me?  A girlfriend, of course.  Yes, sadly, my friends have shifted loyalty on me.  My very best friend, a lady my age who works with me, has found soooo many ways of telling me she wants to keep some distance so she won't accidently embarrass me by using the wrong name or pronoun.  I've tried many ways of making it easy for her, but the bottom line is, she is embarrassed by close association with me.  Sad.....very sad.....our 5 years friendship has been trashed.  I cried, often.  I grieved for a month, with Marcy consoling me.  But now it's done.  Too much emotional water over the dam.  I was okay for her, as long as I dressed male, even though she knew I was TS, and even her, trying to explain it to our coworkers, etc. BUT......the day I wore women's slacks, top, necklace, and didn't bind my breasts.........well, that was just too much.
Am I blending several posts into one?  Sorry, it's the way I write.  One thing leads to another.  Don't you just hate the way women think??
Okay, back to the potty issue........no, it wasn't my best friend that 'outed me' about the ladies room, but a younger girlfriend, one who still is supposedly my friend.  Both, along with a few others apparently object to my using the ladies room.
So, tomorrow, I'll see my HR manager, and let her know there are 'rumblings' among the gg female contingent about my ocassional presence in the disgusting ladies room.  I'll show her my new license, clearly marked FEMALE, and let her know that I will refer all complaints her way.  The room stinks enough as it is, so this, I am, sure, will raise a bigger stink yet.
Okay, thanks for letting me vent, folks.  *sigh*


Bev,
pissed

[Hazumu]

They  seem to be making it so you have very little choice but to 'shove it down their throats'.

Remember, racial integration also had to be 'shoved down their throats'...

Karen

[tinkerbell]

Yeah, unfortunately, I've had my share of those type of "friends" as well.    It does hurt when people you have trusted for a number of years turn their backs on you and become distant.  On the other hand, this always has a positive outcome, methinks.

Why? Well, first of all, because their indifference proves that they were never your friends to begin with, and really Beverly, who needs friends like them? 
Second, this experience will lead you to a new circle of people where you will be truly loved for who you are, Beverly and not your evil twin.

Oh yeah.  Definitely.  I'd also raise the biggest stink ever  > if I were to experience the same thing ; and the sooner you do it, the better!

Everything will fall into place Beverly; you can be sure of that.




tink

[Melissa]

Good luck with that.  Unfortunately, even if management does say you can use it, it will create an even bigger rift between you and the other women.

Sorry, it's the way I write.  One thing leads to another.  Don't you just hate the way women think??

Hmm, I never thought about this being the way women thought.  I just thought it was how *I* thought.

[Ms Bev]

Hi, Karen, Tink, Nichole, Melissa...........Thanks very much for your comments.  I went to work today, for me, the last day of my work week, and went to see our HR manager, but found she is on vacation for a week.  So, I spoke with the General Manager's Assistent, who supports me fully.  She said the General Manager would be on conference calls for another hour after I left, so I gave her my information.  I told her briefly, that there was a potential problem with some of the other female employees over the restroom issue, and I wanted to give them a way to neutralize the issue before it became a problem, and that I would, in the future be using the ladies room.  I produced my new drivers license, and showed it to her.  She said "Bev....great picture!"  I said, "what I want you to see is this", and pointed to the female gender marker.  "I see it" she said, smiling.  "I'll talk to _____ right after his conference calls."  "There is no issue with you using the ladies room".  She smiled, and bid me a great weekend.
 
I could continue to keep the status quo, and use the mall restroom, but somehow......even though it's nicer, I have this image in my mind of an old black and white sign over the door that says, TS ONLY, and a similar sign over the one in my own company that says GG ONLY.  It's not my style to run, or hide.  The people I work with are cowards.  They will talk among themselves about me, but not in my presence.  Then again, a few have tried to personally intimidate me in the past, and have learned that they made a huge mistake, with one exception:  one of my ex 'good friends' said to me, in connection with my gender and marriage status, "you know how I feel about same sex marriage....it's just wrong".  I said "you're entitled to your opinion, but don't ever inflict it on me again".  Then, she said "why don't you and Marsha go to Boston and get married?"  I told her, "We are married".  "yeah, but now you're both women".  I said, "Like I said, mind your own business".  I should have said, "okay, since she and I are both women, you shouldn't mind me using the ladies room, right?"  Duh!

Anyway, we'll see what happens.  I've seen things like this before where I work....outrage over something they can't control anyway, then, slowly, their outrage dissapates, until finally, it turns to apathy, until they find something new to chew on.  I'm not worried at all.  I am, however, fully prepared to take down anyone who gets in my way, 'friend' or foe.


Bev,
still pissed

[NicholeW.]

Great, Bev!! HUGS! Good for you.

Now, just work on being pissed but clear minded!! 

Doncha hate it when "what I should have said" comes to ya after the fact?!! 

Nichole

[Nero]

I could continue to keep the status quo, and use the mall restroom, but somehow......even though it's nicer, I have this image in my mind of an old black and white sign over the door that says, TS ONLY, and a similar sign over the one in my own company that says GG ONLY. 

Reminiscent of the Jim Crow laws. Of course you don't want to be forced to use a separate restroom. It's demoralizing.

[Lisbeth]

Reminiscent of the Jim Crow laws. Of course you don't want to be forced to use a separate restroom. It's demoralizing.

[Ms Bev]

Well, I've been back to work the last 2 days, and have made sure that I use the company ladies room several times a day, and make sure at least one woman notices, including management.  I still use the mall restroom twice a day; it's still nicer, cleaner. I know, it sounds like I potty a lot, but hey....I'm an old lady, and drink a gallon of water a day for my voice, and for my health.   The point is, I am being very open and self-assured about my rights, and even the loudest of complainers have remained silent.  I think while I was out for those 2 and 1/2 days, the word from management must have gotten around.  The most strident complainer now just looks like she has her mouth packed with sand.
I know I'm a better person than that, but her expression when I return from the ladies room just makes me smile inside, then I take up the water bottle and start all over again.   >

Bev

[Lisbeth]

For those who liked the sign, I modified this one to create it:

It's a photograph of an actual sign from a building in the South.  The date in the lower left corner is "Aug. 7, 1956."

[Suzy]

Beverly,

I'm so sorry you have to go through that.  Truly.  On the other hand, the mature way you have handled this will go a long way to set a precedent there.  We all should thank you.

I also have to say, I've enjoyed the puns.  Glad to see you have kept your sense of humor through this.

Bunches of hugs!

Kristi

[Ms Bev]

..........Glad to see you have kept your sense of humor through this.  Bunches of hugs!

Thanks so much for the kind words, Kristi.  Actually, I wish I could say in all honesty I'm keeping my sense of humor about this, meaning the work environment in general.  I have managed to keep my sense of humor about the restroom non-issue. 

Several months ago, as Mike, I was well liked by most people in the whole place, respected, never had a time where I was not part of some socializing, etc.  Now, I am the company pariah.  Sounds paranoid, right?  Not really.  I have a few friends, a fair number of supporters outside my own area, and a very large number (most) of the people in my area that do their best to demoralize and undermine me.      My few friends keep me posted and up to date, and I both hear and see what's going on around me.
I cried all the way home from work sunday night.  I held it together until I left the parking lot.  I would die before I'd let them have the satisfaction of seeing me like that.  What they see instead is a (now) loner, self assured, unscathed, impenetrable. 

I cannot in good conscience, allow myself the luxury of behaving in any other way.  What keeps me going, is the support I have from management and a very small number of friends, and the knowledge that I'll use this job from here on as the briefest possible training ground and later springboard, for perfecting my voice with customers.  I can hardly wait to get out of there.  I am certain that starting out as Beverly in a new company will be much easier to deal with than what I have now......a 5 year history as Mike.  This is easy to see and understand.  Example....we have a new assistant manager for our area, and he calls me Bev, or Beverly, and she or her, flawlessly, every time, and treats me face to face as a woman.  That's because he was told that's who I am, from the beginning of his employment, some 2 weeks or so ago.  Simple as that.  So, in a new work environment, I feel certain they will call me by the correct name, and use the correct pronouns.  I'm not naive enough that I can go somewhere else, and not be clocked by some.  But I expect they will still use the correct name and pronouns, regardless.

Anyway, it's been a tough row to hoe.  I'm not so much complaining, as venting, and hopefully getting my experiences out there to people who are on the same path as me, maybe some steps behind. 



Bev