Numb

[BlaineGame]

I've been feeling so numb lately...like, I find myself having no feelings to express sometimes. This started about a week ago and I don't know why...my psychiatrist once said it wasn't good if I ever felt numb. He said that happens when your mind is trying to suppress something.

What is my mind trying to suppress? Is it trying to suppress my feelings and thoughts for being trans? Is it trying to suppress how my parents react? I just don't know anymore...I don't know who I am or what I want to do with my life...I'm 21 and still live at home...idk, maybe I overthink things....

Has anyone else ever felt numb before? If so, how did you overcome it?

[Lostkitten]

Well, nope, feeling numb is not a good thing and I can speak out of experience. I felt numb-ish since I was around 16 till 22 and I can only recall memories when I talk and talk till piece by piece memories come back up. I compare it with depression. It kindaaa does the same to you but instead of feeling like crap, you push it away and feel nothing at all. And just like depression it isn't like anyone can help you to come out of it. Unfortunately.

Put goals for yourself, something to move forward to even if the steps you take are very, very small. Something to look forward to and to one day achieve. So that whenever you got a day where you feel lower than usual you just remind yourself of where you want to stand, someday.

If you feel like the emotions are bulking up but you cannot like.. how you say it? Live it, express them? Watch or do something which would get the emotions out of you anyway. In my case I felt in my stomach I was heaping up so many tears but I couldn't ever express them. Watching tear jerking movies/series did the trick. It sucks to feel hurt, but it is alright. It sucks even more not to feel hurt. It may sound very cheesy but if you never experienced what pain feels like then happiness is less appreciated, because you don't know otherwise.

I read so many stuff going on with you, your family, your situation. Whenever I see your posts pass by I feel bad for you. It must be tough .. I really hope things will improve for you soon. Just think of where you want to be at eventually and go for it, bits by bits ^^.

[FTMax]

Yep. I've had a lot of bad experiences that I do my best to never think about. As a result, I am super closed off and reserved and I refuse to talk about myself to other people.

+1 to goal setting.

Instead of focusing on the lack of feeling, do things that force you to feel something. Write down some goals or a to-do list so you can feel a sense of accomplishment when you complete things. Hang out with your friends. Learn something you've never thought about learning before. Explode your comfort zone.

[darkblade]

Not really in a proper state of mind to write much of a coherent response at the moment, but I just wanted to say that yes I've probably been feeling numb since I was about 14. It's like I know I feel stuff, I just don't know how to get at those feelings, I know they're there but I just can't feel them. Sometimes I want to cry but I just can't make the tears come. I used to cry a lot when I was younger, but since then only rarely. I mentioned this to my therapist on my first session, before I mentioned anything about all this gender stuff. At my last session I mentioned that my mom thinks I'm depressed, and she said she kind of thinks so too, except that when I talk about this trans stuff I don't seem so depressed. I suppose I've been "feeling" more recently...Honestly I'd rather feel like crap than not feel at all. It makes you feel like a robot. I feel like I've been going through my life without putting any effort into anything, just going through the motions. That sucks too. I stopped trying to write poetry because when I looked back at anything I wrote, I could just see how devoid of emotion it was and it pissed me off.

[BlaineGame]

Not really in a proper state of mind to write much of a coherent response at the moment, but I just wanted to say that yes I've probably been feeling numb since I was about 14. It's like I know I feel stuff, I just don't know how to get at those feelings, I know they're there but I just can't feel them. Sometimes I want to cry but I just can't make the tears come. I used to cry a lot when I was younger, but since then only rarely. I mentioned this to my therapist on my first session, before I mentioned anything about all this gender stuff. At my last session I mentioned that my mom thinks I'm depressed, and she said she kind of thinks so too, except that when I talk about this trans stuff I don't seem so depressed. I suppose I've been "feeling" more recently...Honestly I'd rather feel like crap than not feel at all. It makes you feel like a robot. I feel like I've been going through my life without putting any effort into anything, just going through the motions. That sucks too. I stopped trying to write poetry because when I looked back at anything I wrote, I could just see how devoid of emotion it was and it pissed me off.

That's exactly my problem too! Like, the emotions are there but I can't express them....like, when I was talking to my mom the other day, I felt my gut twist up like I was going to cry but nothing happened...I didn't and still don't like the fading of emotions. It really sucks.

Well, nope, feeling numb is not a good thing and I can speak out of experience. I felt numb-ish since I was around 16 till 22 and I can only recall memories when I talk and talk till piece by piece memories come back up. I compare it with depression. It kindaaa does the same to you but instead of feeling like crap, you push it away and feel nothing at all. And just like depression it isn't like anyone can help you to come out of it. Unfortunately.

Put goals for yourself, something to move forward to even if the steps you take are very, very small. Something to look forward to and to one day achieve. So that whenever you got a day where you feel lower than usual you just remind yourself of where you want to stand, someday.

If you feel like the emotions are bulking up but you cannot like.. how you say it? Live it, express them? Watch or do something which would get the emotions out of you anyway. In my case I felt in my stomach I was heaping up so many tears but I couldn't ever express them. Watching tear jerking movies/series did the trick. It sucks to feel hurt, but it is alright. It sucks even more not to feel hurt. It may sound very cheesy but if you never experienced what pain feels like then happiness is less appreciated, because you don't know otherwise.

I read so many stuff going on with you, your family, your situation. Whenever I see your posts pass by I feel bad for you. It must be tough .. I really hope things will improve for you soon. Just think of where you want to be at eventually and go for it, bits by bits ^^.

Awe, thanks Kirey (lovely name btw). The goal idea is excellent. So far, I'm just living...but I'm not really doing anything. I think setting goals will definitely help!

Yep. I've had a lot of bad experiences that I do my best to never think about. As a result, I am super closed off and reserved and I refuse to talk about myself to other people.

+1 to goal setting.

Instead of focusing on the lack of feeling, do things that force you to feel something. Write down some goals or a to-do list so you can feel a sense of accomplishment when you complete things. Hang out with your friends. Learn something you've never thought about learning before. Explode your comfort zone.

I like those ideas! Unfortunately all of my friends live 4+ hours away Those three friends always know how to make me feel something, they are very special in my heart and I don't have friends where I live, just acquaintances...But I'll try the learning thing. It actually sounds fun and could help with my writing

[BlaineGame]

Goals for the rest of 2014:

1. Get a job by New Year's

2. Visit friends who live 4+ hours away

3. Get out of house daily, go to library or something

4. Walk dog around neighborhood

5. Complete at least 5 chapters of current novel

[alexclusive]

I feel like this from time to time and I'm not gonna lie I'm feeling it right now. Usually I know when it's coming like it'll gradually creep up on me. Most of the time it just gets so bad to a point where I'm dead ass fed up with it and my mind just says "->-bleeped-<- this I'm tired of this.. I'm tired of being tired" and I snap out of it. That or some major enlightening event happens or something inspires me and all of a sudden it goes away on it's own just for it to come back later. It comes back when I'm not being honest with myself and not tackling what's actually bothering me. It's when I'm not punching my problems square in the face and I'm just living in some fantasy land acting like everything is ok. I hate evaluating myself cause being honest with yourself isn't easy it just freakin hurts but sometimes you just gotta face the facts I guess.

[Bimmer Guy]

My theory:

You have had a emotionally wrought week, so your brain has shut down in order to heal itself.  It has cut off your emotions so that your system doesn't go onto overload.

It is a healthy response.

Just relax and give yourself a vacation from all of your thoughts.  You have had an emotionally draining last week.  Go see a movie.  Take a walk.  Just get out of your head (and the house, if possible).

[BlaineGame]

I feel like this from time to time and I'm not gonna lie I'm feeling it right now. Usually I know when it's coming like it'll gradually creep up on me. Most of the time it just gets so bad to a point where I'm dead ass fed up with it and my mind just says "->-bleeped-<- this I'm tired of this.. I'm tired of being tired" and I snap out of it. That or some major enlightening event happens or something inspires me and all of a sudden it goes away on it's own just for it to come back later. It comes back when I'm not being honest with myself and not tackling what's actually bothering me. It's when I'm not punching my problems square in the face and I'm just living in some fantasy land acting like everything is ok. I hate evaluating myself cause being honest with yourself isn't easy it just freakin hurts but sometimes you just gotta face the facts I guess.

Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying man. It does get annoying when it keeps coming back.

My theory:

You have had a emotionally wrought week, so your brain has shut down in order to heal itself.  It has cut off your emotions so that your system doesn't go onto overload.

It is a healthy response.

Just relax and give yourself a vacation from all of your thoughts.  You have had an emotionally draining last week.  Go see a movie.  Take a walk.  Just get out of your head (and the house, if possible).

Yeah, that's a good idea. I was actually thinking of staying at my friend's house for a week sometime after the holidays. I think that would wake me up a bit and dig me out of the hole I'm buried in.

[Alexthecat]

I think I have been numb for years or close to it. Going to an amusement park doesn't give the same satisfaction that it use to, I'm more content to just stay home all the time.