I feel like a lot has happened within the last couple weeks. I went to my first therapy session at the LGBT center. My heart was beating out of my chest that morning, but by the end of the session, I finally felt like I was on the right track, like a weight had been lifted from my heavy heart. I had confidence in what I was feeling, they were positive thoughts I had never had about myself before. I used to think that going to therapy meant that there was something wrong with me, but my therapist never made me feel like there was. In fact, he would often respond with, "That's actually normal." or, "That makes sense."
Hopefully he wasn't just being nice..
I had been wanting to come out to my mom for a long time, but I had always had the constant fear in my head about how she will take it. I felt that since I had taken the step to go to therapy, I could take another and talk to my mom. I know she's notice how unhappy I've been, and I know It's made her unhappy in return. So, that night, I asked her to talk in my room, and with a shaky voice and fidgeting hands, I told her.
It was the hardest bunch of words I have ever had to force out of my mouth! The whole time I was talking, I was going over all the scenarios in my head and praying that she wouldn't be upset or disgusted with me later. I just wanted her acceptance, and that's exactly what I got.
She was 100X more calm than I was, she listened to everything I said without interruption, and she reassured me that I wasn't 'crazy' like I referred to myself as. She admittingly said that she had already sort of knew what I was, but she didn't think that I would ever come out and say it, but she was glad I did.
She's supporting me, and she loves me. That is all I truly want out of all of this. I want to be myself, who I see myself as. And I want the support of all my loved ones while I take this journey. It just makes me more excited, and yes, maybe even, happy.
