Yeah, personally, I treat dilation as a minor chore - one which has nothing to do with sex.
The initial weeks the whole area was a surgical site, too, so I never really saw it in a sexual context during the whole high-dilation/high-maintenance period. (Sort of like how recovering from childbirth is distinct from making babies, I'd think!) Once it healed up and I started to think of it as my genitals instead of a surgical site, my mindset also shifted towards imagining having more fun with it.
There are cis women who have to dilate to deal with vaginismus or other issues, so now I look at it the same way, as a minor weekly task I do to keep everything shipshape for the good stuff. Toothbrushing is a good analogy!
Honestly, I'm more amazed that my wife can ever see it as attractive, after nursing me through those first few weeks... and then she reminds me that once a month hers is constantly leaking nasty fluids and she's sticking giant wads of cotton up there to deal with it, and that one thing vaginas are *known* for is requiring un-sexy maintenance. Oddly, I find that kinda comforting.
