Is it weird that I don't identify with being transgender?

[ScottyMac]

I know I am, as I'm a male currently in a female body. But I just can't relate to it all, I just see myself as a normal teenage boy. I think as soon as I get the hormones and surgeries I won't even think that I'm any different from other guys, the only thing different is my childhood but I never think/talk about that anyway.

I seem to always see people feel like they're lieing to their friends by not telling them they are trans. I just don't understand that, I won't be telling anyone. I'm just a normal guy, and want to be treated like it. Does it really feel like you're lieing by not telling people?

[Ms Grace]

Not telling people is an omission not a lie. If you feel like a guy and you present to people as a guy then they should accept you as a guy. I don't think you need to "identify" as trans, yes you are trans but just as cis people usually don't identify as cis there's no rule you have to have a feeling of identification as this or that. If you feel you are a guy then that's all that matters, the trans bit is ultimately just a label anyway.

[Tossu-sama]

I don't think it's weird at all. I don't identify myself as a trans either, I see myself as a regular man with some non-typical physical features, transsexualism being part of my medical history. For that reason I don't feel obligated to tell people about me being trans, you don't see people revealing every bit of their medical histories to the public either so why should I? I usually tell about it only when I think it might have some significance etc.

[JHeron]

I can relate. The only way I can describe it's that I feel like me all the time, it's just that me happens to be more aligned with a male personality than a female one. And it also happens that my body doesn't feel like it's what it should be. I know that's pretty much the very definition of FTM but.. it makes more sense to think of it like that than to think "oh yeah I'm transgender"

[Dominick_81]

Yes, I totally feel this way too. I hate being labeled as trans. I just want to be a regular guy and I want people to see me that way too, not as a trans guy.

[J.smallz]

Ive been this way since i was 5. I do have 2 trans tattoos from my beginning transition days but ive never really thought of myself as diff than any other boy, im jus a boy..


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[invisiblemonsters]

i don't think there's an issue with just saying you're a guy and not a trans guy because you are male. it isn't "lying" like others think because honestly, it is no ones business. the only time i think you need to bring up being trans and not just being a "normal guy" is when you're about to get intimate with someone because by that point, it is kind of something you can't avoid. i think maybe you could go "stealth" for the rest of your life given you have all the surgeries, etc. but i think that is too much of a hassle to explain to your future partner why you're taking T, or why you can't have children, and all this other stuff. eventually, it catches up to you, your previous life. you can't really avoid it all so i think people who want to go stealth, have surgeries and not mention being trans are just making it so much harder for themselves having to continuously try to avoid or yes, at that point, lie (or "twist the truth") about why they can't do certain things (like have kids).

[Jameson]

I totally get this. I didn't think about it until someone told/asked me a few years ago. It had been so long since I'd really thought about it that I thought trans* meant 'all done' meaning post op top and bottom and hormonally transitioned as well. I'm not that so I thought it wasn't for me. Is it possible to be that ignorant of surroundings? I guess so. I've presented as nearly male my whole life. It took someone saying "well, your trans right?" When I said 'no just a stone butch who hates my body', they thought I was putting them on. Then I looked it up (for the first time in 20 years) and saw that it was a spectrum of sorts and I was on it. It's extra weird because I lived in the bay area at the time, talk about being in your own world! I lived in an area with a lot of gays so I sort of blended in, but I wasn't active in gay community other than a bit online so I never had 'those' conversations, I'm straight anyway, others think I'm gay because I'm with women and I will participate in queer events if they want to. I was aware that people were doing it (transitioning) but thought I wouldn't somehow medically 'qualify' or something, I really thought it was for other lucky people. So the label fits but I'm still me. It does seem to have brought to my attention that top surgery and other procedures are now more available and accepted than before So a couple of years ago I began looking into options and paying more attention to 'trans*' topics. I plan top surgery as soon as circumstances allow and will see what else ends up taking shape. I'm just so glad that I can finally do something about this.

As far as identifying with the term, not so much, sort of like saying I'm a truck. Nope just a guy. That said I can see where advocacy is important and needed, especially outside of large cities, so maybe I should at least sometimes.

[wheat thins are delicious]

You aren't the only one that doesn't identify themselves as trans.  I'm a man first.  Being trans is not an integral part of my personality.  It's simply a medical condition I suffer from.  Other things about me are so much more important.

I never feel like I'm lying, because I'm not.  No one is obligated to tell anyone about any part of them.  In fact I find it really amazing and curious that such a large part of the trans community shames other people for not "being honest" if they live stealth. 

[Maleth]

Yes, I totally feel this way too. I hate being labeled as trans. I just want to be a regular guy and I want people to see me that way too, not as a trans guy.

I feel like I can relate to this the most. I don't see myself as trans most of the time, just a regular guy with a few quirks.

[FTMax]

Being trans is not an integral part of my personality.  It's simply a medical condition I suffer from.  Other things about me are so much more important.

This 100%. The only people I really self identify as trans to are medical professionals. To everyone else, I'm just a dude.

[Kingsly]

That's not weird at all.

For a really long time I did not like the trans label and didn't identify with it. I still don't really "identify" with it, but I will openly say I'm trans.

[Adam (birkin)]

I'm in the same boat. I have never felt like I am lying  by not telling people about my past. Even the word transgender really bothers me. A lot of the people in the news, or very public transgender figures (even the "positive" ones), don't adequately represent the way I feel about myself and my experiences. The word has a lot of implications associated with it now that I'm just not comfortable with. Laverne Cox is the only public transgender figure that I really would be OK associating myself with, and there's a few older transgender men who have authored books and such that I feel have represented how I feel and what I have experienced.

[JHeron]

I'm in the same boat. I have never felt like I am lying  by not telling people about my past. Even the word transgender really bothers me. A lot of the people in the news, or very public transgender figures (even the "positive" ones), don't adequately represent the way I feel about myself and my experiences. The word has a lot of implications associated with it now that I'm just not comfortable with. Laverne Cox is the only public transgender figure that I really would be OK associating myself with, and there's a few older transgender men who have authored books and such that I feel have represented how I feel and what I have experienced.

Exactly. I feel like the label trans doesn't accurately define me you know? i'm just a guy that twas born with a bit of a birth defect and once i correct it ill be like every other guy thats more so been sterilized due to a medical condition thats it. But to get into my mind is male my body blah blah i hate talking about it some times.. i just want to fix myself and move on.

[palexander]

ahh, this is very similar to what i first felt. please remember that others are not entitled to know every detail about you. you are male, do not doubt that! i think that you feel this way because you're stealth and the pressure of not telling anyone can be really difficult at times.

[Daft]

I don't identify as FtM, trans, etc. I'm male, first and foremost. I'm just a guy with a physical problem which I'm correcting.

"Lying" by omission is fine by me; nobody needs to know about my past (unless they're my doctor or someone I'm dating)

[blink]

It's not weird. If it were weird - even if every other person in the world with this condition decided they wanted to dash outside and do a musical number about it - it would still be your right to keep such private information, private.

Two ways of looking at this come to mind. One, it's a medical condition.
Folks with diabetes generally don't introduce themselves to everyone with, "Hi, I'm ____, I have diabetes!"

Two, it's regarding sex organs.
People don't usually introduce themselves with statements such as, "Hello, my name's ____ and one of my testicles is bigger than the other!"
Heck, combine the two. Medical condition affecting sexual organs. Outside of advertisements, people don't go around saying, "Hi, I have genital herpes."
It is sometimes relevant (not always) in a doctor's office, and it's relevant if someone may be interacting with your genitals. Otherwise it is not relevant and nobody's business.

[Taius]

This actually seems pretty normal to me. Most of the people I've met don't throw the term trans out there as an identifying label, unless they're in a place where they're intentionally looking for other trans people to talk and connect to.
When it comes to normal day to day work or school interactions, most who I know are just being the men and women they are, no trans about it.


And you know what? That's perfectly fine. You can be as open, or as 'stealth' about your past as you want. There's no one right way to be trans, we're all on a crazy roller coaster journey together.


As for lies and omissions...If you don't actively 'come out' as a fan of white chocolate to all of your friends, and coworkers, are you really living a lie for them, or are you just not giving them additional information which is not necessarily pertinent to their relationship with you?
Just some food for thought, as someone who hates white chocolate.

[DriftingCrow]

It's not weird nor unusual.

There's lots of things that make up a person, but most people only identify with very few. I am a person with small feet, but I don't identify with that; I am a person who's thin but I don't identify as being thin; I am very messy but don't identify as being messy.

Most people choose to identify with what's important to them or society pushes identities onto them. Society usually pushes onto people identities that are very obvious (ie: skin color or noticeable disabilities) -- if you transition and pass as male, it's not obvious to society that you're trans so they won't push that onto you. It's okay to not identify as being trans if that's not an important identifier in your self-awareness.

[Ayden]

Not strange at all. I do think of myself as trans in the same way I think of myself as blond or blue eyed. It's just a physical reality that I have. That being said, its not an all encompassing part of my life. I'm also a husband, a teacher, a big brother, a history buff, a goofball, a writer and a romantic. When compared to all that, its just another thing I have in a long list of potential qualifiers and those qualifiers are only known to a very small number of people. I don't advertise that I'm trans when I walk down the street, people just see the local gay foreigner and his boyfriend. Just because you don't tell everyone doesn't mean you are lying. A lie of omission is different. My grandfather used to say that a white lie that hurts no one and protects you is okay. The only people I tell are the ones I am very very close to and even some of them I don't see a reason to tell. My medical issues don't affect my ability to work or function in normal day to day life.