Not sure anymore...

[BlaineGame]

I'm not sure if I want to transition anymore. I mean, I love who I am on the inside but not the outside. However, I'm not even sure who I am on the inside anymore. I don't recognize myself inside or out.

I don't know, maybe I'm just having a moment of weakness...but I don't know if I want to be male or just stay female...

I feel guilty, like I upset my mom for no reason and am wasting money seeing a therapist...but I just get these points in time where I'm like why couldn't I have just been born male? It would've made my life easier if I was just born male.

My mom pointed out that I didn't act male and that males tend to roughen each other up and wrestle and stuff...I've never been one for physical violence, even if it's for fun. I've never really liked video games like most males do around my age; I don't like women, I like men; I'm weak, I can't even lift 50 pounds; my personality is submissive even thought I wish to be dominant, I'm so quiet and shy that it's painful; I'm not manly in any way....

If I did become male, where would I fit in? I'm not strong or interested in some things males are interested in...I would basically be male but with female traits and personality.

I just don't know anymore...I'm doubting my decision on becoming male but I'm not happy being female...

Any advice?

[Alexis2107]

What you're going through is gender dysphoria.. most of us have been there and back a few times.  HRT helps when you start, at least did for me.  Just hang in there.  I assume your avatar picture is you, if it is, you'll transition well... if I didn't know you were a trans guy, I'd think you were a guy.  Take care sweetie

[Lostkitten]

You are insecure of how you were raised. You were raised as a girl and stereotype wise parents tend to take care differently. Boys take risks, girls shouldnt take risks, and so on.

Video games is a trend nowadays but ten years ago all boys did not sit inside gaming. You went outside and found your way or just sat chilling with buddies.

Gay men are usually a lot more feminine, nothing to feel bad about.

Parents can be a pain in the ass sometimes. They do usually still love you for who you are bit they life in another reality and see a different you. They won't convince you, you have to convince them. Simply by being you and most of all, to become happier as you are becoming yourself. Confidence comes with happiness. Don't worry about it too much ^^.

And last, call me old fashnioned but years ago you didn't have all these places to talk about your problems. It is good that you can nowadays but try to do what you had to do before. Sit it trough. Changes take time and the more you try to push it, the longer it takes.

[adrian]

I'm not sure if I want to transition anymore. I mean, I love who I am on the inside but not the outside. However, I'm not even sure who I am on the inside anymore. I don't recognize myself inside or out.

I don't know, maybe I'm just having a moment of weakness...but I don't know if I want to be male or just stay female...

I feel guilty, like I upset my mom for no reason and am wasting money seeing a therapist...but I just get these points in time where I'm like why couldn't I have just been born male? It would've made my life easier if I was just born male.

My mom pointed out that I didn't act male and that males tend to roughen each other up and wrestle and stuff...I've never been one for physical violence, even if it's for fun. I've never really liked video games like most males do around my age; I don't like women, I like men; I'm weak, I can't even lift 50 pounds; my personality is submissive even thought I wish to be dominant, I'm so quiet and shy that it's painful; I'm not manly in any way....

If I did become male, where would I fit in? I'm not strong or interested in some things males are interested in...I would basically be male but with female traits and personality.

I just don't know anymore...I'm doubting my decision on becoming male but I'm not happy being female...

Any advice?

Hey,

it's normal to have these doubts and to question something that before you considered clear as day.

The fact that you didn't display what is regarded as stereotypical male behavior (such bs in my opinion) doesn't mean you are not "truly ftm". So put aside all of the doubts you have based on this right now! Who says you weren't unconsciously fulfilling your parents' expectations in behaving and acting the way you did. And would your mom question a cis guy's gender based on the fact that he played with dolls as a kid, or that he is weak? I doubt it.

Should I transition, I'd totally be a super femme guy. Oh yeah, and gay. But I'm still a guy. Maybe I'll finally be able to proudly wear a dress as a guy .

Point two is: if you feel uncertain about transitioning, that's OK. It doesn't mean you're "not trans enough" or any of that bs! If you feel your gender is shifting somehow, take time to explore this feeling. You don't have to rush anything. But the important thing is, don't question your decision because of what others tell you. Take all the time you need to figure out who you are and what you need, but don't disregard your own needs to protect someone. It's going to backfire sooner or later.

And if you're questioning your decision and identity at the moment, by all means continue to see the therapist. They can help you to work through this.

[BlaineGame]

What you're going through is gender dysphoria.. most of us have been there and back a few times.  HRT helps when you start, at least did for me.  Just hang in there.  I assume your avatar picture is you, if it is, you'll transition well... if I didn't know you were a trans guy, I'd think you were a guy.  Take care sweetie

Oh, my avatar is me  Thank you 

You are insecure of how you were raised. You were raised as a girl and stereotype wise parents tend to take care differently. Boys take risks, girls shouldnt take risks, and so on.

Video games is a trend nowadays but ten years ago all boys did not sit inside gaming. You went outside and found your way or just sat chilling with buddies.

Gay men are usually a lot more feminine, nothing to feel bad about.

Parents can be a pain in the ass sometimes. They do usually still love you for who you are bit they life in another reality and see a different you. They won't convince you, you have to convince them. Simply by being you and most of all, to become happier as you are becoming yourself. Confidence comes with happiness. Don't worry about it too much ^^.

And last, call me old fashnioned but years ago you didn't have all these places to talk about your problems. It is good that you can nowadays but try to do what you had to do before. Sit it trough. Changes take time and the more you try to push it, the longer it takes.

Thank you for your advice Yeah, I agree with everything you said lol

Hey,

it's normal to have these doubts and to question something that before you considered clear as day.

The fact that you didn't display what is regarded as stereotypical male behavior (such bs in my opinion) doesn't mean you are not "truly ftm". So put aside all of the doubts you have based on this right now! Who says you weren't unconsciously fulfilling your parents' expectations in behaving and acting the way you did. And would your mom question a cis guy's gender based on the fact that he played with dolls as a kid, or that he is weak? I doubt it.

Should I transition, I'd totally be a super femme guy. Oh yeah, and gay. But I'm still a guy. Maybe I'll finally be able to proudly wear a dress as a guy .

Point two is: if you feel uncertain about transitioning, that's OK. It doesn't mean you're "not trans enough" or any of that bs! If you feel your gender is shifting somehow, take time to explore this feeling. You don't have to rush anything. But the important thing is, don't question your decision because of what others tell you. Take all the time you need to figure out who you are and what you need, but don't disregard your own needs to protect someone. It's going to backfire sooner or later.

And if you're questioning your decision and identity at the moment, by all means continue to see the therapist. They can help you to work through this.

I see my therapist on Thursday so I'll talk to her about all of this then. Thanks So you like men too? I thought I'd be the only one 

[fitzyfoop]

Well, blaine, you pretty much summed me up, except for the fact I'm MTF, I'm extremely introverted, quiet, shy, but I'm very very passionate. Anyhow, there are people out there like you and me, we just have to find them. Generally, I can get along with people with the same passion as me, I'd guess that you would too! Bon chance mon ami!(Fr, Good luck my friend)

[Sandy74]

I'm a guy who wants to be a woman so badly and I never was a big wrestler and being a guy doesn't mean you always have to do masculine things. Right now I work at a ski resort and either a woman or a man can do my job even though there are mostly guys doing it. I say don't worry about where you will fit in as a man, you will find your place. That's how I feel when it comes to becoming  a woman, where will I fit in, what type of job will I have. Where will I live and how will my life change. I am so anti feminine that I don't think it ever will end up happening. I can't see myself ever doing lots of the things involved to be female. I guess we just have to take it one day at a time. I wish you the very best.

[adrian]

So you like men too? I thought I'd be the only one 

Heh, nah, there are lots of gay trans guys here . Sometimes, when I think about how I'm going to come out to my parents I imagine telling them this: "You remember how you said you would have had a hard time if I had turned out to be a lesbian? Well, here's the good news:  I'm not lesbian..."

[ImagineKate]

My mom pointed out that I didn't act male and that males tend to roughen each other up and wrestle and stuff...I've never been one for physical violence, even if it's for fun. I've never really liked video games like most males do around my age; I don't like women, I like men; I'm weak, I can't even lift 50 pounds; my personality is submissive even thought I wish to be dominant, I'm so quiet and shy that it's painful; I'm not manly in any way....

If I did become male, where would I fit in? I'm not strong or interested in some things males are interested in...I would basically be male but with female traits and personality.

I just don't know anymore...I'm doubting my decision on becoming male but I'm not happy being female...

Any advice?

Wait, what? Men wrestle?

If you like men and you are a man, then that pretty much means you're gay. Nothing at all wrong with that, and gay men aren't exactly known for being rough. I mean some are but it's not really something that defines the demographic. Even straight, cis men can be gentle and not interested in violence. I know a lot of people who aren't into physical stuff, not even into sports or anything else. They might be quiet and reserved, nerdy or simply just not into stuff. Don't play into the stereotypes. Just like every woman isn't into high heels and mini skirts every guy doesn't have to be into rough play and sports.

I mean, I just taught my son how to stand up and pee. At 4 years old. Something I was doing since I was about 2. I figured since I won't be able to go in the men's bathroom much longer I might as well show him while I can. But he likes to sit so I let him do what he wants. But today he held my hand and went straight to the urinal. Works for me. He is free to be what he wants. He can stand or sit and either is just fine.

I stopped liking video games when they became too realistic. I think the last time I was a serious gamer was when Doom was released. That's a long time. I was also never into street fighter, but I was into Mortal Kombat because I liked the technology. My little brother in college is into games and I kind of hate how it turned him basically into a zombie. He spends all day sun up to the wee hours of the morning playing games. When he was at my house he would be online gaming to kingdom come. At one point I got fed up and firewalled him off the internet just to get him outside because my mom was frustrated. So don't feel bad about games... in moderation it can be good fun but some people take it to an obsessive level and to me that doesn't seem healthy.

You may discover a new personality when you are on T. So don't worry about not being outgoing now. Physical strength will also happen with T, especially if you exercise. Not every man was born as He-Man. Like MtFs need to work at beauty if that's what we want, FtMs should be working on strength and muscle if that's what they want. But T all by itself should increase your physical strength to some degree.

BTW your avatar is all dude to me!

[darkblade]

Ah I've tried replying to this thread twice already, once my reply got erased and once the page just stopped working..

but I just get these points in time where I'm like why couldn't I have just been born male? It would've made my life easier if I was just born male.

I used to say this all the time way before I actually started thinking about being trans. I'd tell my friend that my life would be much easier if I were a guy, and she'd say yes I know.

I've come to think that these doubts are natural, I feel this way every other day. There are days when I want to transition now, and then there are those when I'm just not sure of anything. On the days when I'm feeling doubtful, I try to remind myself of the reasons that make me want to transition, like the awkwardness I feel in a dress or something. It helps a bit. I know I can't wait to not have my brain give me mixed signals every few hours, but I let it do it's thing and hope it'll settle soon. Hence the question mark in my profile. And that I'm telling people that I go by gender neutral pronouns for the time being. I'm letting it take it's time to settle in my head and feel "right." I figure this isn't something that happens overnight, at least not for everyone.

Even though we often end up talking about stereotypical masculine or feminine traits, the stereotypes are no where near the full view of things. For all I know, ->-bleeped-<- is based on what gender you identity with, not what stereotypical gender your personality most closely resembles. Otherwise masculine women and feminine men would all be considered trans, which isn't the case. It's nice to find little bits of yourself that seem to go along with the trans narrative you're trying to construct (to, I suppose, convince your confused brain that what you're doing/feeling makes sense), and that seems like I'm trying to do these days, but that doesn't mean than anything that doesn't seem like it affirms the gender you believe yourself to be is automatically a red flag indicating that you aren't. This whole thing is about being true to yourself, so just try to get to that.

I think your mom is just confused, because she, even more than you probably are, is trying to figure out how things fall into place for you and is having a hard time piecing things together. And there's also the social conditioning aspect that plays a huge role in the way you act. My mom (who I'm not out to) was telling me the other day that I liked having my hair done when I was a kid, I however have no recollection of that and I think she mistook me letting her do my hair every morning instead of having to worry about it myself as an indication that I liked it.

[Cin]

I'm not sure either.

If I were female, I'd still have many male interests, I'm not really that feminine, just kind of submissive and sensitive.

To be honest, I think I'm sure, but the thought of coming out to and dealing with my parents and friends makes me want to be unsure, if it makes any sense to anyone. Sometimes I know what I want, but I worry too much about the consequences. I'm not happy right now, and I'm not sure if I'll be happy if I lose the support and understanding of my family and friends.

[Ferretty]

My mom pointed out that I didn't act male and that males tend to roughen each other up and wrestle and stuff...I've never been one for physical violence, even if it's for fun. I've never really liked video games like most males do around my age; I don't like women, I like men; I'm weak, I can't even lift 50 pounds; my personality is submissive even thought I wish to be dominant, I'm so quiet and shy that it's painful; I'm not manly in any way....

All of my cis guy friends are the way you said you were, and even so, the reason for transitioning is to escape a box, you can still be male and keep somethings out of what you do because otherwise you are somewhat defeating the point of transitioning.