what is the % of trangenders attaining steath and those who don't

[ImagineKate]

A lady recently came to my trans support group.  She was total stealth for 15+ years, no one outside her immediate family had any idea.  But she realized that it was still causing her anxiety and shame, even after all these years.  There was very little chance of anyone finding out, but it was still at the top of her mind all the time.  So she decided to start being more active in the community again and to just stop worrying about being figured out. 

All-out stealth takes a lot of work...and it sounds really stressful.  And it just isn't necessary like it used to be.

This is true. And we can thank those who are out and proud such as Laverne Cox, Janet Mock and a lot of the youtubers for that. Being trans is approaching the point of just not being a big deal to people anymore. Sure, you'll have people who make asses of themselves by outing trans people and making us feel less than human, but society is turning against them. One only has to look at the facebook comments on a Laverne Cox post. The few people who say "that's a man" or "she's not a real woman" are almost instantly given the virtual beatdown. It brings a smile to my face to see them run away tail tucked between their legs.

It's a good time to be trans, for sure, and it's only getting better.

I do get though that there are some people who feel that they will never be "complete" unless they are totally stealth. That's their choice and that's fine. But to me it's not worth the stress, even if I could do it (and I probably could if I tried really really hard, moved and dropped a lot of the activities I enjoy).

[Lostkitten]

Might be silly theorie but eventually with a partner, most of us (from what I have seen in other topics) want to tell it to him/her. If people know you are trans it at least makes it easier on that point. Knowing they accept you already no matter what :p.

Still I rather be a bit more stealth but I dunno.. time will tell.

[stephaniec]

this whole stealth  concept  is so totally different for  me just because of the fact of my age.  I suppose if I had  transitioned when young  I would of cared..

[Ashey]

I feel like I'm in a minority of a minority of a minority of a minority.... 😕 I've only had some laser sessions and otherwise just HRT. I was passable at 3-4 months, and voice caught up at about 6-7 months in. I shrunk from 5' 11" to 5' 7" or so in height and shrunk 2 or 3 shoe sizes. Doctor said it simply wasn't possible and the convo didn't go any farther than that... Hopefully I don't get any shorter! I have 42-43" hips, I wear a 36B bra, and have a great complexion and full cheeks. I'm a lil over a year into transitioning and because of all these factors, I'm stealth. It just happened really, since I got with my boyfriend. We live with a few other people and they have no clue and we're not going to tell them. Meaning I have to watch what we both say. I hung out with my boyfriend's family recently, staying with them for a few days. His niece felt I was the big sister she always wanted, his mother wants me in the family, and I got along well with everyone. But they have no clue I'm trans. Most people I meet and actually tell have a hard time believing I used to be a guy. And even my own father had trouble recognizing me recently when he saw me. I don't know if I have any specific genetic advantages or if it's sheer luck really... I'd say I'm lucky that I no longer worry about passing, but to be perfectly honest, I don't prefer being stealth and there are a lot of times I want to tell people but it would affect more than just me. 😕 I'm very open about my past and who I am, but having the option to be stealth, I guess I've taken it. I suppose safety is an issue too... If people knew, I might have some trouble from time to time. As it is, I blend right in and the only problems I have are typical female issues and having guys hit on me a lot... Being stealth is just very weird and very very surreal.. Sometimes it's very psychologically stressing as well... For me it happened so quickly I'm just trying to process it as I go.. For those wanting to be stealth as soon as possible, I would seriously recommend taking time to sort yourself out and make sure you're really ready for it. There are times I feel like I went right from one closet to another... And I have some trans friends that look to me for advice in starting to transition and see me as a role model and end goal to look like, but I hate breaking it to them that I'm probably a fluke, and that their results may not be the same. 🙁

[Jenna Marie]

Ashey : The "back into a closet" feeling is one I'm familiar with, and I've rarely seen anyone else express it (or so well), so thanks. 🙂 I feel really weird coming out to people constantly, not to mention that *I* don't want to be reminded of my past every fifteen seconds anymore, yet it seems like hiding a lot of  of what makes me myself to gloss over huge portions of my past.  And yet, when I *want* to be out and help the community - like when I recently joined the diversity committee at work - I have to struggle to perpetually remind people that I'm trans or else I get shunted off as an "ally" again. I literally had to add a line to my name tag of why I count as diversity! It's frustrating.

(I haven't been misgendered since 6 months on HRT, and that last time was months after it had stopped happening otherwise. I also shrank 1" to 5'7" and lost a shoe size, and I'm 42DDD-30-44. None of which I can take "credit" for; that was all HRT. OK, and laser helped, and being post-op now means I don't have any immediate "proof" that I'm trans either.)

[BunnyBee]

Lol

[Ashey]

Ashey : The "back into a closet" feeling is one I'm familiar with, and I've rarely seen anyone else express it (or so well), so thanks. 🙂 I feel really weird coming out to people constantly, not to mention that *I* don't want to be reminded of my past every fifteen seconds anymore, yet it seems like hiding a lot of  of what makes me myself to gloss over huge portions of my past. 

One thing that I find annoying is having to amend my past for people... Like, apparently I used to be a lesbian, considering how many relationships I had with women.. Can't talk about them to anyone without being a 'former' lesbian anyway... And of course other bits I simply can't even mention. I have a friend who is 'deep stealth' and she keeps telling me to stick with it. She doesn't seem to think it's a big deal, and that there are hardly any differences in how I spin my past, but I feel like there are. 😕 My past shaped who I am now, so to tell it differently, I practically have to present as a different person... Idk, maybe I'm making it a bigger deal than it is, it's just really awkward and strange sometimes.. Most of the time I'd still rather be open about it all.

[Jenna Marie]

Ashey : I think your friend means well, but her experience is clearly different from yours. I feel the way you do, if it helps; I don't always want to get bogged down in discussing The Trans so I don't highlight those bits of my past that are inextricably tied to being a boy, but as you've said, it *does* feel like all that editing adds up to a pretty big misrepresentation after a while. So it's great for her that she doesn't feel that way, but that isn't really going to help you.

And that's without even having a bunch of past relationships with women... yes, that must be awkward! (Can you tell people you're bisexual? I really am, so that helps too.)

[MiaOhMya!]

I agree that is does feel like moving from one closet to another. The whole "I'm not trans" vibe applies applies to both.

I feel that's the underlying reason why true stealth is not something I could endure. It'd be a bit like battling in a war only to return home and not mention a word of it for the rest of my life.

[Ashey]

And that's without even having a bunch of past relationships with women... yes, that must be awkward! (Can you tell people you're bisexual? I really am, so that helps too.)

Oh yes, I say I'm bi to explain my orientation but in practice I usually explain I 'used to be a lesbian' like it was a phase I went through to account for the long string of only women in my past relationships.. The stressful part about that is that I'm still trying to figure out how to be with women as a woman! So I have absolutely no clue if I'm presenting as an 'authentic lesbian' (former or otherwise).