I am a bit upset now... and confused.. once again..

[Avinia]

So... Was getting ready to come out to my parents, but decided to ask some questions on a Catholic forum so I could possibly understand how my parents may react, and how to respect their beliefs as I come out as transgender. The first few posts were pretty decent with the members seeming to follow the whole reason I even bothered, which was to show some respect toward my parents..

But then I got the responses that are still bothering me about 1-2 days later. They were basically, in a less rude way, trying to tell me that I am too young to make an decisions and I need to talk to a therapist right away, and try to "improve my manhood".. Or something along the lines of those. But it seemed the general idea of the replies was that I should just wait until I turn 25 so that I will understand the choices I am making.

At least they confirmed my suspicions involving marriage... sort of.

Yeah.. now I am not sure if I will actually come out this month like I planned, even though I am sure my parents won't disown me if I did, I am now unsure about this all.

I guess one thing this made me realize, is I am kind of being a hypocrite, since I believe that gender roles are completely useless, but I am trying to transition from male to female.. Starting to seriously wonder if I was just calling myself transgender as a way to make it easier for my friends and family to understand that I seriously just hate the idea of there even being gender roles in the first place..

I have to admit, I do wonder if the term "non-binary" is actually better fitting for me... Or gender fluid.

I guess I am sort of weird. Sometimes I feel okay being my birth gender of male, and other times I completely hate it and wish I was born as a female. Maybe one of those posts I read was actually correct to some degree, and I should for now just concentrate on seeing a therapist?

Edit: After a few minutes of thinking, I am actually thinking that I do not actually have a gender identity? Because honestly, I have never truly identified as a male or female, I just went with being called a guy because that is how I was raised... Sort of. I also happen to be the only one of my siblings who didn't mess with other gender items at a young age, I didn't start that until about 12 years old when I started secretly trying on female clothes, then slowly changed my manners a bit more to match female manners... Or probably closer to the stereotypical gay male manners, going off how my friends and family seem to take it.

So.. Is it even possible to not have a gender identity?

[adrian]

Hey,

yes, it's absolutely possible not to identify with any gender (I think agender is the term used to describe that). From what you write it seems that you are still in the process of figuring out your gender identity. Don't feel you have to rush anything!

I don't believe that this has to do with age though -- so I'm not buying the "man up" and wait til 25 rap (and I'm thinking you shouldn't either)!

If you have the chance to work through this with a therapist, this could be helpful. And as for your parents -- you could come out to them as "questioning", but this could backfire if they think this means they have to push you into the male corner more to "make you see sense". So you need to consider this carefully.

[Julia-Madrid]

Hiya Avinia

Aaaargh - there are actually more than a few of us who spent our early years confused by what our gender meant to us.  You need to work through this, and as Adrian says, a therapist would be the best way.  My recommendation is that, in your therapy, you put forward a few basic propositions - as per your post - and then explore them.   Certainly therapy isn't cheap, but it's a lot better to get things clear in your head before you go about turning your world upside down changing gender.

An age of 25 is totally arbitrary - it depends on your personal maturity and how strongly you believe in what you want to do. 

Julia 

[LoriLorenz]

Hi Avinia,

As a Catholic myself, I am dealing with some of what you have mentioned, in reverse as I am exploring mmy nature as possible FtM trans. I haven't spoken to my parents about this either.

Let me say a few things about Catholics in general:

• Many Catholics are much more fundamentalist than they think they are, and would balk at that label.
• Catholic history has indeed thought we were un-natural and this is where most people have remained despite the things said by the Vatican.
• The Catholic Church does support LGBTQ persons, it's simply not well known.

As to your age, no one has a right to tell you how old you must be before knowing who you are inside. Keep seeking and keep wondering. Also, word of advice... unless the persons who responded can be looked up and found to have Canon Law/Psychology/etc qualifications, I wouldn't trust their understanding of what the Catholic Church teacher any more than I could reach through the computer screen. (Yes, even me. Feel free to message me privately if you would like an outline of my studies in the Catholic faith and psychology)

[Avinia]

Hmm.. I guess that is one of my issues, I like to jump into things as soon as possible(especially if it involves music). Think a reason regarding gender identity is because it seems a lot of people my age know who they are.. to some degree.. Then again, most people my age probably have experienced more than me regarding the world/social stuffs.

I will look into agender, probably tomorrow or over the weekend since it is now midnight again(keep getting distracted with documentaries). Though, have to continue to remind myself that my gender identity is just a part of me, probably not too big of a part actually... depending on how you look at it I guess.

Yeah.. wasn't planning on taking the Catholic forum that seriously, but I guess stuff gets to me more than I thought. I think to some degree I already knew that some Catholics supported LGBTQ, going off of what my parents said about some of the people in our local church. My parents keep bringing up that topic in an attempt to get me to go back to church.