Dealing with issues of guys

[Larisa]

So I have to deal with things again and no it's not easy. My hatred toward guys can take a real toll on me sometimes and bug me badly. I know it has alot to do with being a girl inside. I have to sit and be treated like a guy. I have to see faces of guys and be expected to act like a guy. Get called sir and be referred to as a man every week. I have to put up with it all and than see them, work with them, talk to them and Im like Im not you.

Im not a boy inside and than I settle down and realize for a bit not all guys do this to me. My nephew who's 5 is one who doesnt get me down. My dad and there are other guys who dont get me down but soooo many guys just remind me of what I was robbed of at birth. I really dont get it. It's very difficult as so many guys have done me wrong and I think I have to wear the face of these people who hurt me and that Im not even that face inside. It's one of the most painful things to deal with. I than tonight get asked if Im transgender by a coworker Ive known for years. I say no and ask why she asks. She tells me why and has good reasons but I make excuses.

I know this post is kinda jumbled and all. It's like whats the point but this is a small part of what I deal with every week. It doesnt go away ever. It can be very painful one day and the next it's fine. Only transgender people can understand fully what is going on.  Why why why wasnt I born with a girl body? I wouldnt be dealing with this hell like I have to. Id be a girl fully and Id be happy. I probably wouldnt have such intense anger and hate at guys either.

[MySongIsLaughter]

I'm sorry to hear you're having to deal with this!

The important thing is that you know you are a girl. What everyone else thinks is nothing compared to that.

Do you have any little things you can do that remind and comfort you? I dunno what that could be... maybe wearing a bracelet in colours you assosciate with femininity or carrying something in your pocket?

I hope it won't be long before everyone sees you as the wonderful woman you are!

[Larisa]

Thanks! So many dont know the pain involved and what it is like. To them, thinking about if there female and male is like thinking about breathing. They dont think about it. I think about my gender everyday. I know who I am and Im glad of that but what I look like is not what I am. I get told sir for example is just something to get over about and it's a sign of respect. I understand what they mean considering they dont know Im trans and so Im not mad by what they say. I however know that it's something I can't get over about as it's not a pet peeve, it's different. Im a girl and so being sir is calling what Im not. It doesnt apply to me. It makes me very uncomfortable. Just because I look like a guy doesnt mean I am inside. I know they dont mean to offend nor do they know and so I dont get mad usually but it's the constant reminder Im in a boys body.

I wish the world could see who I really am. Im Larisa, a very sweet, kind, sensitive and nice girl but the world never sees her. People only see a boy who some of those things come out but in boyish mannerisms. I do many many girly things like necklaces I wear as a small example but never does it work to ease my pain completely. Only way I can get away from the pain is if I just dont think about it.

[MySongIsLaughter]

If only we could swap! I have to put up with people calling me things like "sweetheart" all the time. It's so annoying that so much of people's interractions are based on the gender they assume for the other person.

I'm pretty sure everyone here sees you as Larisa, so that's a start! Have you spoken to any of the people around you about it? I know it's very difficult to do, but at least for me hearing people using the correct pronouns every now and again makes a big difference.

[Ms Grace]

During my first attempt at transition I used to hate men for the fact that I was lumped in with them and had to be one whether I wanted to be one or not. To be honest it wasn't a very positive attitude, it wasn't their fault I was in the wrong body. Speaking personally, it was a pointless impotent rage that burned up a lot of thinking time to no productive end. It was a good day when I jettisoned that attitude.

Your feelings are understandable but a more positive outlook can reduce the pain that comes with the hate.

I'll also just point out that in line with the forum's regs, there's no bashing permitted against particular groups. There are trans men on this forum and there are trans women who are still presenting in male mode, so please keep that in mind and avoid making blanket statements or generalisations. Thanks.

[PinkCloud]

I know it has alot to do with being a girl inside. I have to sit and be treated like a guy. I have to see faces of guys and be expected to act like a guy. Get called sir and be referred to as a man every week. I have to put up with it all and than see them, work with them, talk to them and Im like Im not you.

Well, I don 't know your whole story, but reality is that people say what they see. If they see a guy, they say it. What else can we expect from other people? they cannot look inside your head. You can take it as advise to amp up your transition, if you want to transition. If you want to stay transgender, the find the middle way. If you want to go female, amp up your game. There is no shortcut. The outside world doesn't change, unless YOU change.

[darkblade]

I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I think I've always felt lots of contempt for females, for I think as long as I remember. It's complicated though, because I'm attracted to girls and most of my friends are female too. It's just that in my head it seems like I've always known that I wasn't like them, never knew why. it bothers me that I feel this way because it's definitely not fair to all the girls out there, but it's like my mind is trying hard to separate itself from "being female" and this is the best way it knows how.

[Rachel]

Larisa, hugs

I do not know if you go to a gender therapist but if you do not it would be a good place to go. I benefitted so much from 2 years  of therapy.

[Larisa]

Larisa, hugs

I do not know if you go to a gender therapist but if you do not it would be a good place to go. I benefitted so much from 2 years  of therapy.

I do have one. I know it's not other guys fault that Im transgender. I know that well and although some of my hatred stems from being bullied by guys much of my life, much is what Ive already posted in this thread. Ive already tried living a lie and saying oh your a guy, not a girl yet that never fixed anything. My hatred towards guys is also not helping my issues of dealing with this. I want to be happy.

[Larisa]

I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I think I've always felt lots of contempt for females, for I think as long as I remember. It's complicated though, because I'm attracted to girls and most of my friends are female too. It's just that in my head it seems like I've always known that I wasn't like them, never knew why. it bothers me that I feel this way because it's definitely not fair to all the girls out there, but it's like my mind is trying hard to separate itself from "being female" and this is the best way it knows how.

How to try to deal with the contempt? I havent figured out how to deal. Still searching for answer.

[Larisa]

Well, I don 't know your whole story, but reality is that people say what they see. If they see a guy, they say it. What else can we expect from other people? they cannot look inside your head. You can take it as advise to amp up your transition, if you want to transition. If you want to stay transgender, the find the middle way. If you want to go female, amp up your game. There is no shortcut. The outside world doesn't change, unless YOU change.

100% right! I know it's wrong to expect people to read my mind.

Some of my problem is rejection. Not being accepted for who I am if people knew. I dont want to be bullied just for Im different is all as Ive already been bullied enough before.

[Larisa]

If only we could swap! I have to put up with people calling me things like "sweetheart" all the time. It's so annoying that so much of people's interractions are based on the gender they assume for the other person.

I'm pretty sure everyone here sees you as Larisa, so that's a start! Have you spoken to any of the people around you about it? I know it's very difficult to do, but at least for me hearing people using the correct pronouns every now and again makes a big difference.

Sweetheart or sweety is one of my favs to be called. I for example get called that sometimes by some of the girls where I work and love it!

The sir thing is so dreaded but I was sooo happy one day in a restaurant where the waitress was calling other guys sir. She came up to me and my friend and referred to him as sir, called my sweety. I was thank you! You made my day! People I know understand Im not comfortable being called sir or referred to as a man. Some have said I do some girly things and some have said in a good wa, that is not typical of a guy. Never usually does the trans topic come up.

[Larisa]

During my first attempt at transition I used to hate men for the fact that I was lumped in with them and had to be one whether I wanted to be one or not. To be honest it wasn't a very positive attitude, it wasn't their fault I was in the wrong body. Speaking personally, it was a pointless impotent rage that burned up a lot of thinking time to no productive end. It was a good day when I jettisoned that attitude.

Your feelings are understandable but a more positive outlook can reduce the pain that comes with the hate.

I'll also just point out that in line with the forum's regs, there's no bashing permitted against particular groups. There are trans men on this forum and there are trans women who are still presenting in male mode, so please keep that in mind and avoid making blanket statements or generalisations. Thanks.

How do you feel positive about something that hurts so bad? I know it's not a single persons fault Im a girl in a boy's body. I know not all guys are bad. Ive been searching for a way to deal with a more positive outlook.