Mind keeps changing its mind

[echo_artist]

As i get closer to my date to start hormones,
I feel like my mind keeps playing with me
My dysphoria stopped completely and
I've been happier.
Then again....i have been working out lately.
And everyone keeps complimenting me on
My progress.
Comments?

[Ms Grace]

No reason you have to feel miserable all the time. You can feel that progress is being made so it's natural that you'll be in a better mood. Plus exercise releases endorphins, often a great cure for depression. If you are having doubts though you should talk to your therapist before proceeding.

[Ayden]

If you have any doubts, first off remember that it's completely normal. At every major transition hurdle I've asked myself "am I really sure?" Make sure you discuss your concerns with a therapist and take as much time as you need. Remember that this isn't a race. There is no deadline you have to reach.

[zero.cool.crash.override]

Exercising certainly can make one feel better over all, both physically and emotionally because you know that you are a person who works out.  As I was recently approaching the commencement of my HRT, I experienced an increased hope for my future.  I couldn't stop thinking about the changes that would come from hormones.  Your mind may be getting ahead of your body and easing your dysphoria by focusing on the imminent physical transition.  But as Ms. Grace said, definitely talk to your therapist if you have doubts.  Don't feel pressured to begin hormones if you think you might not need them. 

[Jo-is-amazing]

Exercising has always been a source of relief for me
So maybe it is just the endorphins you get from being fit and healthy
That would be good wouldn't it?

[darkblade]

I don't know if the same sort of thing is going on with me too, where I'd thought about top surgery long before I ever thought I could be trans, but now that I'm binding it just feels much less, essential I would say?

Maybe the brain is having a freaking out moment about the irreversibility of HRT? Working out helps with general mood and feeling good but I don't that's the reason you're sort of reluctant right now..

[Bimmer Guy]

As i get closer to my date to start hormones,
I feel like my mind keeps playing with me
My dysphoria stopped completely and
I've been happier.
Then again....i have been working out lately.
And everyone keeps complimenting me on
My progress.
Comments?

I have played games in my head (and my head has played game with me), back and forth for years (try 10-15 years) before I went on T. 

I think it is possible that just knowing you are going to get on T has put you in a better head space.  I doubt that working out has effected your mood and outlook that much.  Alternatively, it could just be the relief that you made a decision (to go on T), that has made you feel better (rather than the decision itself).

I would strongly suggest that if you are feeling this way that you take time and reconsider, especially if:

1) you are young
2) it has not been for a long time (more than a year or so) that you have thought you wanted to take T.

But, if you really want to go forward, start on a very low dose (like 1/4 of the "standard" dose) for a while to make sure.  Avoid that voice drop if you can.*  You have the rest of your life to transition.  It is not a race.

For certain you should talk with your therapist about it before starting.  If you don't have a therapist, get one.  Not starting in the time frame suggested does not mean you are not Trans and does not mean that T is not for you.  Also, don't let your worry about people's response to your doubt/delay impact your decision making.

Good luck.  Don't rush it.

*  Taking low dose (even very low dose), does not mean you couldn't have a significant, fast voice drop.  I think it partially depends on where your T levels are to begin with (are you in high range for a female, or low range).  I think it is more prudent to assume it WILL DROP even in the case of taking low dose to be on the safe side.  I am not a health professional, this is just my personal, uneducated opinion.

[Clhoe G]

Working out sounds like a good method of release, you could also try hitting a boxing bag  too

[Kreuzfidel]

I would strongly suggest that if you are feeling this way that you take time and reconsider, especially if:

1) you are young
2) it has not been for a long time (more than a year or so) that you have thought you wanted to take T.


For certain you should talk with your therapist about it before starting.  If you don't have a therapist, get one.  Not starting in the time frame suggested does not mean you are not Trans and does not mean that T is not for you.  Also, don't let your worry about people's response to your doubt/delay impact your decision making.

Good luck.  Don't rush it.

^ So much this.

I don't know you, but you still seem a bit confused to me.  Medical intervention is something that I strongly advise against until you are 100% sure that transitioning is something that you really must do in order to live a fulfilling life.

[palexander]

your dysphoria could be easing up because you know you're starting t soon? i know i had a rollercoaster of emotions before starting. i was insanely excited, but nervous. i also had a massive boost in confidence. i think you should consult your doctor but don't weigh out being on t completely.