Driving myself Nuts!

[ChrissyChips]

Well, as the title says, I'm driving myself nuts, or that evil little voice in my head is anyway.  When I first decided to transition it all went quite for a while, yay!
Maybe I stunned the voice into silence

But it's back, oh yeah, with a vengeance.  And it keeps repeating itself..'what if?'.
What if you're wrong?
What if it all goes bad?
What if you're really just nuts?
What if...What If..WHAT IF!!!!!!

AAARGHH!! I'm hoping hormones will shut the little bugger up but it's going to be a while till I can start on them (I'm in the UK)

Seriously, I feel like ripping my own head off sometimes, just for some peace.  I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one to be stuck on this hideous little roller coaster ride of doubts and fears, I'm just hoping someone knows some ways to cope with it a little better than I am.  I'm also curious if hormones do in fact help.

Hugs

[suzifrommd]

Well, as the title says, I'm driving myself nuts, or that evil little voice in my head is anyway.  When I first decided to transition it all went quite for a while, yay!
Maybe I stunned the voice into silence

But it's back, oh yeah, with a vengeance.  And it keeps repeating itself..'what if?'.
What if you're wrong?
What if it all goes bad?
What if you're really just nuts?
What if...What If..WHAT IF!!!!!!

AAARGHH!! I'm hoping hormones will shut the little bugger up but it's going to be a while till I can start on them (I'm in the UK)

Seriously, I feel like ripping my own head off sometimes, just for some peace.  I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one to be stuck on this hideous little roller coaster ride of doubts and fears, I'm just hoping someone knows some ways to cope with it a little better than I am.  I'm also curious if hormones do in fact help.

Hugs

Hugs, Chrissy. It definitely is a bit of a roller coaster ride. Here's what helped me:
* I "got my feet wet" by going out into various social situations as my female self. I went shopping (a few towns over), I joined a divorced/separated support group, and a trans-inclusive all-female reading group. Each experience reaffirmed my sense that living as a female would be much better for me.
* I did a lot of writing in my blog, and a lot of posting. I also read a lot of posts from people who had gone through it, so I had a pretty good idea what it entailed.
* I also went to an in-person trans support group and interacted with real-live trans women and found out what their lives were like.

Does this help?

[Jeneva]

It is so easy to second guess everything.  Not just transition.  However for me after a few days on HRT I had a moment when I know this was right.  The pig fog had long dissipated, but I still felt better.  Similar with full time, one day I was walking down an isle at the grocery store and another woman smiled a greeting at me.  With FFS I knew I wanted it, but was so worried the outcome might not be ok, but that moment when he unveiled my nose I knew I'd be fine.  For the orchi when he showed me those nasty lumps on the tray I knew I'd taken another leap forward.  Having a savings account for my GCS is another big moment that has calmed prior worries.

Live in the moment and those worries aren't as severe (says the person with anxiety and bipolar disorders), its been told to me many many times and I can see where it helps.  Do some research on mindfulness.

[ChrissyChips]

Thanks for the replies and the advice I think I was just having a bit of a wobbly day, lol.  I had a nice long bubble bath and did my nails and I'm feeling much better
Suzifrommd,  I'm looking forward to getting out there a bit but at them moment I'm still in the family home with my wife and kids.  To keep the peace I limit how much I present as female, just shaving everything and nails really, lol, even that caused a row! Also I don't have access to any support groups.  But after xmas I'll be moving out so.....

Hey Jeneva! someone else enjoying the double pleasure of anxiety and bi-polar! Hugs Not much choice but to live in the moment with those two for company huh? lol