There's a Big Diff Between 20 and 25+ Isn't there?

[Susan522]

Give me a BIG Amen Sister!

Amen!!! 

[androgynouspainter26]

Oi..things hare are starting to get a bit "my way is the right way". 

Listen, wanting to assimilate is by no means the only goal you should reach for.  Certainly, passibility does have many benefits, but I've personally concluded that I'm a lot happier if I am just honest with the people I trust wrt who I am.  I mean, yeah, being perceived as cis will help you a lot professionally, out in a harsh world.  But passing without question at all times can't be the only acceptable outcome...I'm betting some of the deepest stealt girls here still get clocked every once in a while, even if it's just in passing with a stranger who knows what to look for.  My point is that if assimilating is your highest goal here, then you need to reconsider what it is that you want.  A lot of people here have managed that; meanwhile, I've embraced being a part of the counterculture.

And wanting to be attractive...come on, who doesn't want to be attractive?  Perhaps it does fade, but it's possibly to be older and still look good.  I think beauty is something we all strive for as trans women (trans men too, in some cases) because we spend so much time obsessing over our bodies that we become fixated on the concept of beauty-for the same reason we tend to be a lot more feminine than cis women, at least starting out in many people I've met before. 

A final thought, all of the "perfect" trans girls you see on websites, and in youtube videos: Would you publish an unflattering photo of yourself online? Of course not!  The people on talk shows, on youtube videos, on websites-they're wearing makeup, having the camera at flattering angles, in good lighting...all of these different factors matter a lot when we're evaluating how well someone passes.  If you see a photo of Laverne Cox without makeup, or a head-to-toe pic of Janet Mock wearing something not so flattering in the shoulder region-you'll get what I'm saying.  This is why comparing yourself to others can be so dangerous.  Not because that comparison is a bad thing; it's just that people tend to play up their best selves!

[androgynouspainter26]

Well, I admit that this adds an extra layer of difficulty...but if I ever have children, I plan on doing so while in a position where I will be able to provide for them without being stealth.  What works for you works for you, and obviously that you've chosen to take this route is perfectly fine if you're happy with it.  I was simply reminding everyone that there is more than one "right" way to do things, and I think it's very important when someone is facing something as scary as this to be exposed to a wide variety of perspectives. 

[Cristyjade30]

 I wasn't meaningto demean any one it just kinda hit me hard when people say if your a certain age that passing isn't a possibility, hearing that has kept me from going forward with transition,and I know we don't want to be gate keepers to anyone, obviously there are many different factors, but age is not one,
I am mostly self educated, which used to be a lofty goal by  the likes of several before the acent of institutional learning, I have studied human bone structure I depth avg shoulder width, height, shoe size, radius, femur, waist and seriously men and woman mostly are not that far off that it cant be negligible, many super models that are cis have broad shoulders and are 6 ft with size 10 feet,  my point being is people like Sona Avedian and several others that have transitioned would have been looked at and tol by others your to old and to muscular and masculine looking you will not pass or look good. She was 6ft tall and has broad shoulders, hrt is always a ymmv kinda thing but from research I have done you tend to lose height and even in some cases ligiments and other things tend to shrink in some also, so just because there is something you don't like about yourself does not mean it wont change even enough to make a difference. The truth is the more mainstream plastic surgery becomes the less it will costs and being passable is achievable it just may be harder for some than other. Any thing worth doing is usually hard, just don't use a blanket statement that if your not 10-18 you wont pass well. That kinda got me and I am sorry if I offended anyone.

[androgynouspainter26]

Wha...you're absolutely good!  I mean, to be fair, she had a TON of plastic surgery and I doubt most of us will ever be able to afford such things, but you didn't say anything at all that offended me personally.

[Cristyjade30]

Wha...you're absolutely good!  I mean, to be fair, she had a TON of plastic surgery and I doubt most of us will ever be able to afford such things, but you didn't say anything at all that offended me personally.

Thanks and I have to say of the pics I have seen of you you are pretty. I remember you telling me a while ago things you didn't like but you look good.
from what I have read of Sona, all she had was breast implants. I may be wrong, I don't think she had ffs. I just have seen a sort of accidental gatekeeping in a lot of forums because of the whole age debate, I just think that its a you don't know until you try, and knowing what you don like in comparison to logic. Like dysphoria makes us dislike things that probably aren't as big a deal breaker but because of our dysphoria with ourselves we tend to nitpick. Like having size 10 feet isn't the end all of passing, so maybe we just have to pick our shoes more carefully, but if you have size 14 feet you might have a problem logically, still not a reason not to transition, but I being a logic driven person have to say that the whole if your past 18 your screwed debate is a dead horse, hormones are getting better, more people are getting work done and the price is coming down on plastic. The truth is a lot of our unemployed or cant work and plastic may be off the table, but I know some good looking women who transitioned at 30 that look hot, and there is nothing wrong with trying to find your own hotness or saying someone is "hot", And age doesn't mean you wont pass, nor does t mean you will need a lot of surgery. There are so many different factors, I honestly don't think age is, for some it is, if your 60 you cant reverse time and medical issues may prevent you from taking the required amount of hrt to change, but certainly 30 or 36 or 40 isn't to late to pass. A person had to look at there own features LOGICALLY and plan accordingly, if you have a leno chin, or Charleton Heston jaw, you might have to start saving for ffs. Or a Matt Damon fore head you might need brow work. I am lucky enough that I have a pretty narrow face when I am skinny, I kinda think I have some medical things going on from birth have worked in my favor, and if I knew what I know now I would already be transitioned, I know foresight, Im just saying can we work on the misconception that 26 is too late because I know how bad I fealt thinking I had feet that were to big, I am to old, I just don't want others to be unhappy because they think they are to old or there hands or feet or whatever.

[Allyda]

So, for those who think being a lil older makes it impossible to be accepted(I hate the term "passing" as it makes things seem more like your being tested and your not), Take a good look at my Avatar pic. It's 3 months old. In fact, here's the full photo:


I "pass" every day without thinking about it, not even one teensy iota. I'm more concerned with things like: "do I have enough gas to do the things I need to do," or, "Did I forget something." I'm only at my 1 year mark of hrt but my male fail was 6 years ago and I've been full time since way back then and off and on before that. How old am I?

Well, I just celebrated my 15th anniversary of my 35th birthday. If your not into the math that means I just turned 50! Soooooo, IMHO your never ever too old to be who you are.
I still rock a mini summer dress or mini skirt, and other skimpy outfits I wear sometimes, and I'm told by many I only look like I'm in my mid 30's. Hey I live in Florida where most of the year it's too hot for unnecessary clothing, lol!

Don't get me wrong and please don't misunderstand this post. My only points here are to help the OP and any others realize worrying about your age with regard to transition is moot. Yes, some things are easier if you can transition younger. However we unfortunately can't turn back the clock. So it does not do you any good worrying your too old. As someone else posted: If you wait over worry in a few years you'll be 30 wondering if 30 is too old for transition. Unfortunately the dysphoria only gets progressively worse as you get older.

Anyhoo, I hope this post helps some.
Best wishes
Ally