My Letter to Mom, and her response (merged)

[tgirljuliewilson]

My apologies for getting to this most important topic late.

Please send me a copy of your letter to your mother.

julievotour@yahoo.com

thank you so much!

[Lacey Lynne]

All of you are so awesome.  Steph, you rock, girl!

For what it's worth, I wrote my Coming-Out Letter to my mom yesterday, 12 February 2009.  I mailed it out today, the day after I wrote it.  The mailman took it away just a few hours ago.  Excerpts of that letter appear elsewhere here at Susan's Place.

Since I'm just a newbie, what could I possibly say?  All of you know much more about this than I do.  However, I'm rather older than many of you; hence, I do have more life experience because of that.  I sent my letter because my mom is quite old, 79, and is rather ill.  We're virtually estranged anyway, but she continuously tries to contact me.  Given that, I elected to send it to her today.  Time will tell.  I'm not expecting much, really.

Girls, you inspire me.  The general society may think of  us as "Those Silly Trannies," but they are mostly ignoramuses.  They really and truly are.  Keep the faith.

Hugs!
Post Merge: February 13, 2009, 03:59:22 PM
Steph:

Briefly, I promise ... I just read your Coming-Out Letter.  It's exacting, excellent and elegant.  One thing you said "says it all" ...

"I've always known I was somehow gender-different, ever since I was very small. It's just the way I am, and I make no apologies for being this way. I cannot change this fact about me any more than I can change the fact that I have blue eyes and am right handed. I like who I am, and I know I am a better person for being this way."

Yes!  You've spoken for most of us here!  This is our declaration to The World!  Thank you SO much!

May peace, love and happiness be yours always, Hun!

Hugs!

[Steph]

All of you are so awesome.  Steph, you rock, girl!

For what it's worth, I wrote my Coming-Out Letter to my mom yesterday, 12 February 2009.  I mailed it out today, the day after I wrote it.  The mailman took it away just a few hours ago.  Excerpts of that letter appear elsewhere here at Susan's Place.

Since I'm just a newbie, what could I possibly say?  All of you know much more about this than I do.  However, I'm rather older than many of you; hence, I do have more life experience because of that.  I sent my letter because my mom is quite old, 79, and is rather ill.  We're virtually estranged anyway, but she continuously tries to contact me.  Given that, I elected to send it to her today.  Time will tell.  I'm not expecting much, really.

Girls, you inspire me.  The general society may think of  us as "Those Silly Trannies," but they are mostly ignoramuses.  They really and truly are.  Keep the faith.

Hugs!
Post Merge: February 13, 2009, 02:59:22 PM
Steph:

Briefly, I promise ... I just read your Coming-Out Letter.  It's exacting, excellent and elegant.  One thing you said "says it all" ...

"I've always known I was somehow gender-different, ever since I was very small. It's just the way I am, and I make no apologies for being this way. I cannot change this fact about me any more than I can change the fact that I have blue eyes and am right handed. I like who I am, and I know I am a better person for being this way."

Yes!  You've spoken for most of us here!  This is our declaration to The World!  Thank you SO much!

May peace, love and happiness be yours always, Hun!

Hugs!

You are so welcome LaceyLynne, it's my pleasure.  Glad i could help you

Steph

[cindybc]

Hmmm,  May God bless. I only got one member of the family that I have come in contact with since I started living full time 9 years ago. Oh I wrote all members of the family several letters to no avail, for the exception for one niece. She found me on Facebook.

So I am thankful for being in touch with at least one member of the family. For a timid person that wouldn't hurt a fly my family sure had their way of making me feel like I was some type of diseased creature from Ogden's swamp or something. I am not saying that is what they think, but it certainly feels like it. But why would anyone fear one measly little harmless person?

Steph I will certainly make it a point to wonder on over and check that letter every one has been appraising so highly.

Thank you

Cindy

[riotgrrl101]

Congratulations! I wish all parents were as understanding.

[Heather_Leann]

I know its been a few years since this post was submitted, But would anyone happen to have it saved so I can see a copy?  Thanks  If possible it can be emailed to Heathertv35@yahoo.com

[Jah]

Wow Steph,

That letter back from your parents was what I dream of with mine.  I have only come out fully to my aunt (my Dad's twin sister) who knowing family , probably already slightly mentioned it to my Dad. But no other family member including my Aunt has spoke on it after I had wrote her an email after she said "I believe it's more than dysphoria".  I even asked her "did you get my email"...she just said "yes".  Maybe I had expectations..idk.  I don't really expect everyone to understand it but I do want others to respect it.  She has communicated with me after & even asked to come stay with me the last weekend this month so...we'll see.  As for my Dad & stepmom...idk...at 32 y/o things are a little different than if I was dependent on them I would assume. I do think of them being embarrassed by me thou 

[Wil Najera]

i'm really afraid to tell my parents. i came out as lesbian in january 2010. since then i've been completely disowned by every single family member besides my aunt, her boyfriend, and their three girls. i'm not sure how to go about telling my mother. my dad is my step dad so i'm not too concerned with how he'll feel. but theyre all extremely religious. hence their abandonment thus far. anyone had similar experiences?

[cindianna_jones]

Wow, talk about an old thread popping back up. Steph's letter was a very appropriate way to handle the situation. I'm also glad to see that Steph is still around. She's one of my old virtual GF's and someone I would really like to meet in person some day.

I let my mother find out the old fashioned way... the grape vine. I never did get a chance to tell her on my own. It was a most disturbing time in my life.

[Plague]

Dear: Stephanie Craxford, Thattook a lot of guts congrats. May be (just a suggtion) you should take the lead and call her? Keep up the good fight love U Plauge Stay toasty

[Andarta]

 That's such an amazing response i'm so happy for you!

[Amari]

Reading this brought tears to my eyes. To know that you waited for a response and got a wonderful one made the wait worth wild. Congrats

[Jessica90]

Hi Steph just curious if I could see what you wrote I'm still freaking out how to tell my parents all my brothers and sisters know but my mom Is religious so it's been tough anyway just curious have a wonderful day 

[Michelle02327]

Dear Stephanie, You and the other girls have had great anguish over this and I feel compassion. My relationship with my Mother is [what?] strange. She was born in 'priviledge' and got pregnant with me at 17; she rejected my 'sperm donor' and I don't even know his name. I understand she was rebellious, passionate, and head strong. She left and I was born in New Orleans. After trying to survive on other jobs, she became a dancer. I always felt, very young, I was a girl. Maybe because women were always in our house, and their children. It was because of my situation that me, beginning to dress as a girl to play dolls with my BFF Angela - a child with who I was constantly babysitted with, we just want to be pretty like Barbie's or believe it or not, our Mother before they went to 'work.' My Mom tried to get me to stop, but..long story. She gave up, so I could always dress as a girl at home. It was in that wild New Orleans atmosphere and being taken as Angie and I were older, TO THE BACK, away from the stage, etc. to study, that we were able to learn things, like two doors down was a 'Female Impersonator' club "Illusions". That is where (forgive me) by 12, I was able with Angie's help, to steal a large box of female hormones, anti-angrogens, etc. My Mother didn't care what I did.

I, by 14, had to be 'homeschooled' (what a joke) because (happily) I was developing breasts. DO NOT DO THIS, BECAUSE I HAD A LITTLE LIVER DAMAGE. I don't drink or drug, and after my SRS at 18, I became a hair stylist. I love being around other women (and you can by chatting, get dates with men! Now, a little older, I stay within my own standards - I am a 'proper' (I guess) young woman and Never think of myself as 'trans-anything'. I am just a woman that had a birth-defect, and today, as everyone tells me, a pretty - not 'gorgeous' young woman. But in no way do I look male or sound like one. I'm just happy to be a feminine young woman with a boyfriend! of eight months!

Back to Stephanie, I'm happy for you, and feel for others, but hopefully people - especially today - will more understand gender dysphoria and help. Hearts, Michelle

[Martine A.]

This is a sticky topic with a catchy title.
It looks like I can add my pair of emails.

My mom and I are exchanging emails regularly. To write my message, I just continued in a thread after her email that was telling me I just got the biggest chunk of her time alone perhaps for the rest of our days. I took that time for myself. I avoided mentioning medical theory about prenatal hormonal balance because there was no quick way to also tell her I don't blame her. And I didn't need it in the end.

Spoiler: this is one happy conversation so far.

This is my message. I wrote it before sleep, and posted it after I woke up since I still felt like doing it.

It is time we had one secret less between us. I do not believe we will soon have more time for this than we have now, and this is something I want to share with you first.

You had one wish while you were carrying me in your womb. And I believe something decided to grant it.

Since kindergarten I felt like a girl. I still feel like a woman.
Since January 2015 I live as one.

I fought it for long, until I decided too much life was wasted away. I found my happiness being like this. I hope you will join me in accepting it and in enjoying nice things.

This is still me. The same person you know. Now I am without the mask I was dragging since my first conscious years. In the kindergarten they roughened me up enough when I came out first. It took this long to confide in you.

My wish is that you accept me as, and call me your daughter. I look better than you probably think especially now that I reduced weight; and it will only get better. Maybe it is time for you to join Facebook? I will gladly help you with it, so you can be the first person that sees my real account there.*

I love you mom.
Write me. Join me in the rest of my life.

My dear child.

I am so surprised by what you just wrote. I am asking myself how didn't I notice, what kind of mother am I...If that is how you feel and if that is your choice, and you are independent and mature enough to know what you want, I am with you. Male or female, you will always be my child...

[long, personal part, not about me only, she might adopt one orphaned young woman as daughter, because she always wanted one; now she realized she'll have two]

* - From the circle of people she knows, of course.

[Andria]

Congratulations wish I was able to give this a thumbs up 

[jaclynbehaclyn]

Two weeks or so ago I plucked up the courage to come out to my mom after successfully coming out to just about everyone else.  She's pretty well the last one to know (I know, I know, maybe she should have been the first, but I had my reasons )  It took me quite a while to finally write a letter that I could live with and one which I though would explain things to her without getting too technical about the whole thing.

So... over two weeks and no reply, no phone calls... she lives in England so that may be part of the delay.  She may also be taking care to write her own reply.  But then she may also be too shocked to bother.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it,  my mom and I were never close, but I still love her, but then maybe the distance between us is a factor as well.  Who knows, I'll just have to wait and see, as my life continues.

If anyone is interested I can send, or post a copy of the letter.  It may serve as a starting point for others who are contemplating writing similar letters, and it could serve as a good example, or a bad example  .

Chat later,

Steph

[edit]These two topics were merged by Susan[/edit]

I know this post is very old but can you plz send me the letter you sent your mother....I plan on doing the same but wanna example of someone who has done this


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[KathyLauren]

I know this post is very old but can you plz send me the letter you sent your mother....I plan on doing the same but wanna example of someone who has done this


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Hi, Jaclyn!

Welcome to Susan's.  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.

This is a very old thread, and there is a good chance that the original poster is no longer active here.  You can find other sample letters in the Family and Friends secion of our WIki: https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Family_and_friends.

Please be careful about your own safety and privacy here.  I am referring to your use of an email address as your user name.  This is a public forum, open to the entire world as well as to search engines like Google.  I would strongly recommend not to use your email as a username.  If you wish to change it, just contact one of the moderators.

Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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[jaclynbehaclyn]

Omg thxxxxx I really appreciate it[emoji5][emoji5][emoji5]


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[jaclynbehaclyn]

How do I contact the moderator to change my name... Please help


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