Have to share---I came out to my therapist today... and it was an amazing, fantastic, empowering, reassuring, almost magically positive experience. I'm still giddy 8 hours later!
I've been seeing the guy for a couple of years now after finally realizing I have had mild depression for most of my adult life. He's just a "general purpose" therapist, as it had never seriously occurred to me that I might ACTUALLY be transgendered until a few weeks ago. Denial and repression are powerful forces.
I'm pretty sure I caught him completely off guard with this. I know he must have known I was holding something back, but I don't think I telegraphed these particular issues at all. He and I have had a good rapport all along, and I did have a pretty good sense of trust with him, but there were a few things I was not willing to talk to him about. I *thought* I knew what I was keeping silent about, but wow was I clueless!
Anyway, between last week's and this week's sessions I went from acknowledging (to myself, not in session) that I honestly do identify as female to realizing that I *am* actually going to come out and transition. The issue became "when and how," not "if," and my confidence in that decision got stronger each day until now it's complete.
After coming to this point, I found myself sure that I had to and *could* tell him about this. I'd already come out to and talked things over at length (and maybe ad nauseam) with my wife (who is completely awesome and supportive and on board with whatever I decide to do), but I knew I needed another person to talk to. My therapist had been enough help that I wanted to talk this over with him, but I really was not sure how he'd react. I was afraid that maybe he would be unwilling to continue, or that he'd be antagonstic or not believe I was sincere.
Still, I walked in to the appointment, sat down, and immediately told him that today was going to be very different from our previous sessions, and that future sessions probably would be too. Then out it popped: "I am transgendered." It hung there for a moment, probably while he was making sure he heard what he thought he heard, and he replied "That's fantastic, I am honored that you chose to tell me this." For the rest of the hour (and another 15 minutes over time) he listened to what I had to say, asked respectful questions, and maintained a tone that told me he was honestly happy that I had figured this out and had a "real breakthrough." He said he's absolutely comfortable counseling me on this, suggested I might also want to see someone who specializes in transgender issues, but emphasized that the most important thing to him is to make sure I have a safe place where I can get help when I need it.
In short, his response was absolutely perfect, and was a more positive experience than I could have imagined. For the first time today, I was able be completely open, and to actually *feel* feelings. Right now I feel unbelievably fortunate, and I hope that others out there who need it can find as amazing a therapist as I have.
