My spouse

[Stevie]

 Our relationship has never been better; my wife says she feels closer to me now that I am myself, we share these feelings.  Yet she has said on few occasions that "I didn't marry a woman" she has also called attention to some of my gestures. I talk with my hands always have, but she sees  that and other things differently now. 
  We have been married 30 years and it's hard to think of life with out her.  She didn't know it at the time but when she married me she literally saved my life. I had always pushed away anyone who tried to get close to me for reasons I had trouble understanding at that time. She did not give up on me when I was in dark place in my life though she didn't know anything about my inner turmoil or how close I was to putting an end to it. She is the only person I have ever been intimate with or ever will be. Maybe I married her to try to feel normal, like I here many of us do but I lover her dearly. When I tell her my concerns she tells me she is not giving up on us now and that she just wants me to be happy, yet I still fear hurting her or worse losing her altogether.

[IdontEven]

While my own relationship with my gf is much newer than yours, I feel the same way. The love of a good person can make all the difference in the world. Just be good to her. And when she pulls that "I didn't marry a woman" stuff just go "well you're married to one now sweetheart!" and flash some boob, or something. I don't know...whatever gets her to laugh or be aroused. :p

[ImagineKate]

My wife says similar things, she wants to support me but she's struggling to do so. She says she didn't marry a woman and she's not a lesbian. She worries about the kids and how society will see us. There is a lesbian couple who lives two houses down and nobody seems to care. But I get her concerns. If she decides to stay, great. If she decides to let go, I can pick up the pieces after that. I do know that I can't live in my own skin which puts things in perspective.

Good luck, you and her will figure out what's best.

[Dee Marshall]

Girls, all four of us are in the same boat. There isn't a day when I don't worry, and it doesn't help that HRT has impacted my sexuality. The only thing that helps is knowing that I have no control of her reaction. I can only give her time. Best of luck to you all.

[mac1]

My wife is not accepting of SRS or transitioning. However, I am confident that she would be accepting of anything that appeared to be natural or medically necessary. Since she gave up penetrative sex around January 2009 she does not have any need for my male junk, and I don't either.

We still have a loving and caring relationship otherwise and will selebrate out 50th anniversary in March 2015.

[awilliams1701]

I was under the impression that being trans was far worse than being gay based on what I saw growing up. From what I can tell that doesn't seem to be the case. I've noticed in my journey that we seem to be better off or equal to cis-LGB people. I saw an article that said that in russia a lesbian couple got married on a technicality. One of them was trans and didn't change their gender legally. They don't care about her being trans. They are angry about them being a lesbian couple getting married. I see that as being pro-trans, but anti-gay.

Here in Alabama I know a couple that is getting married on a technicality also as one of them is trans. She would like to change her gender, but would rather be able to get married.

My wife says similar things, she wants to support me but she's struggling to do so. She says she didn't marry a woman and she's not a lesbian. She worries about the kids and how society will see us. There is a lesbian couple who lives two houses down and nobody seems to care. But I get her concerns. If she decides to stay, great. If she decides to let go, I can pick up the pieces after that. I do know that I can't live in my own skin which puts things in perspective.

Good luck, you and her will figure out what's best.

[ImagineKate]

What happened with that is that the gay rights movement gained traction from joe Biden, president Obama and the Supreme Court striking down DOMA. When you see two ordinary old women embracing because now they can live legally as a family or have some sort of recognition and equality This helped humanize gays. That and the fact that prominent people are coming out (either deliberately or by accident) and being proud - Anderson cooper and Tim Cook for example. The media has also helped integrate gay people into the mainstream instead of being just freaks. It is going to happen to us too. Just needs some strong voices.

[Sincerely Tegan]

Stevie,

I tried so hard to save what I had with my wife, but it was not to be. She was practically bipolar when it came to the subject of accepting me. One day, she talked about our future as though it was a certainty, no matter what. The next, she was rooting for me to end my own life.

In the end, I have to accept that I had no power or control when it came to her reactions. Eventually, I had to accept that I had a choice to make: keep putting work into a failed marriage, or work toward saving my own life. I had pretty much decided on the latter when she took the choice out of my hands and cut me out of her life.

By the end, I learned that her words of encouragement meant nothing, because her destructive actions said it all. Words are nice, but pay most attention to the actions. It's normal for her to experience a variety of emotions, but it is not okay for them to be taken out on you.

I'm so glad that your wife has been accepting and supportive so far.

Good luck. Believe me, I'm rooting for you.

Sincerely,
Tegan

[Stevie]

I find comfort in knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this and so many other aspects of transitioning. The pain, the doubt, the joy all of these different emotions we pass trough trying to find ourselves.   I thank you all so much for being here and sharing your thoughts and feelings it really does help.

[IdontEven]

I find comfort in knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this and so many other aspects of transitioning. The pain, the doubt, the joy all of these different emotions we pass trough trying to find ourselves.   I thank you all so much for being here and sharing your thoughts and feelings it really does help.

Ditto this. I keep getting kinda floored at some of the words people post. Things that came from someone else's fingers but may as well have come from my own lips because some aspect of their experience is an almost exact match for my own. So many similar experiences, which just means you are not alone in this!

[Rachel]

Stevie, I can relate. I am married 21 years and out to my wife 20 months.

I hear, "I did not marry a woman"," I did not sign up for this", " I am not a lesbian" and others. It was said, "you look like a freak", when I came home from group Thursday night. Yet I love her and I need to be me. She will either accept or we will split. I do worry how people will view us together and how she will handle it. I do not want her or my daughter to be hurt or feel hurt because of me. Yet, I feel very good being me.

In Pennsylvania USA it is legal for gay couples to marry. I was concerned about that but a year ago but that changed The odd thing it was overnight with a judges decision and the Governor did not overrule it. Now we are getting a democrat governor I think there will no change. Odd thing is there was no outcry from the heterio community. It was like so what.