Sisterhood

[Lostkitten]

A casual friend of mine was telling me about The Red Tent (this new mini-series that just came out, also a book) and about how it's such a great story about sisterhood in the face of male oppression during their periods, and how she sorta enjoys the solitude they guarantee her...and of course I mentioned that this isn't something I've ever experienced, to which she said "Of course, but you've experienced sisterhood, right?"  In the two and a half years I've been full time-no.  I have not.

I got flustered when she said that-I had to try hard to keep myself together.  I shook it off with an optimistic "hope to one day!" but in my heart, it's killing me that this is something I've never known before.  Now, don't get me wrong-I despise gendered divides.  I don't believe that men and women are inherently incompatible, and that there need to be these two separate social classes.  I'm very much against that-but, I'm still a bit bothered by the fact that nobody has ever seen me as just "one of the girls"-it's just that sense of belonging that I'm pining for.  I think that as an oppressed group there is this almost innate bond that exists between all women; except, I'm not a part of it.  I don't know if I will never be accepted as a woman.  Right now, everyone sees me only as a trans woman.  And while it's easy to say that they are the same thing...they aren't through they eyes of a cis person.  Even though my identity is respected, they still don't see me as a woman (and while I hate gender, I'd vastly prefer to be a woman if that's how people are sorting one another); I'm some weird, out-of-place third category.  I'm not one of them...It's easy to find tolerance, and often acceptance where I am now.  But, I wonder-how can I hope to belong as just another girl if I'm always seen as someone who isn't one?  I don't like living in a gendered world-but, to be honest, sometimes it'd be nice to be a part of it.  Any advice is welcome.

I have only seen one picture of you and that is your avatar, which never has changed. You look very serious if not angry with purple hair and purple lips. To me it is hard to say whether you pass or not judging from that picture. I would be happy to see what you look like fully though. I think you surely got the attitude to pass but you got to admit you look alternative, you thus draw attention and after that, people will start guessing.

[androgynouspainter26]

I don't wish to offend but campaigning for gender abolishment may be a stance directly counter to sisterhood, which itself is a gendered sorority thing?

No offense taken; it's a valid question.  I stand by my decontructivist politics; however, even a radical like myself gets lonely.  I think a lot of my bitterness of late is the result of loneliness.  Since I started my transition, it's been very hard for me to find a sense belonging anywhere; being 'alternative' does that to you.  Sisterhood is a gendered thing, and intellectually, I am against the concept of it-but gender theory besides, I guess I'm just tired of not fitting in anywhere-it's why I'm obsessing over passing and doubting my decision to transition all of a sudden.  I guess I'm just tired of this eating into every other aspect of my life.  I'm ready to move past this phase of my life and just get on with other, more important things.  I wish everyone else could do the same.

Also---the picture is just angry because I took it at 7:30 am, and usually I'm not up before ten!  I do usually have a fairly bad case of resting bitchface though...and, to be perfectly honest, I'm usually a serous, angry person.  Or, a jaded one to be more accurate.