Do you want to blend in?

[LizMarie]

In regards to one of your original questions, HRT does not make you "shrink" per se, but causes changes in muscle structure, especially in the upper body and back, that can result in small changes in total height.

Personally, I've lost about 1 inch total height since beginning HRT almost 27 months ago.

As for me, I do wish to blend in. I want my closest friends to know me, which includes knowing that I am trans but walking down the street I just want other people to see yet another woman going about her business.

[Vicky Mitchell]

i want to blend in.   I am not afraid of people know i just like to be in control of it if i can be.  So i am sure i will tell people here and there but for the most part i just want to be another one of the many woman walking down the street.


Vicky
MtF

[Anju]

I think its good art to learn as sometime u feel and sometime u need.I m from very conservative society so learnt that long time ago to survive even completed my education as mention female in gender column:) back than its not legally possible for us so have to do it.
Even over 6 ft can easily disguise all u need to focus how you present yourself and main main thing voice :)its always betrayed no matter how well disguised you are

[Tessa James]

I would suggest almost all of us do blend in sometime.  Having walked the streets of many major american cities it seems one would have to be way plus flashy to get a second look.  Even gaining eye contact is becoming rare.  Ride mass transit and most folks are absorbed by some digital thing or ear bud music.  Folks striking up a conversation are few and looked at with skepticism.  This passing or not concern is hugely ours and is seemingly of little concern to the masses.  I do my best not to worry about it.

In a more rural or smaller scale situation and particularly an intimate one we might expect more in depth consideration of our presentation and even then I find i can blend in with most genial people.  It is establishing a relationship, not a beauty contest to me.

[LoriLorenz]

I do not want to blend in. That is, I don't want to be so unremarkable that I fade out of sight, or that I follow exactly the same trends as the rest of my circles.

What I would rather have is that I blend in with family and friends in the sense that I am accepted for who I am at all levels. I equate this to my maternal family, where I have never blended in and my parents have even been known to hear (from my mother's siblings) that "L is a bit different, isn't ze?" (gender neutral used in favour of their use of feminine). This comment was never in reference to my gender, but to my hearing, vision and spine issues which caused me to tilt my head to odd angles in order to see and hear well.

So, blend in as to be unremarkable? No. Blend in as in being accepted. Yes.

[JoanneB]

My Life Epitomizes "Blending In". I lived with the consequences of not blending in growing up, which had nothing to do with being trans, just different. Kids are viscous and those memories you never forget 

At my peak I was an even 6ft tall for a few decades. I calculate that by the time I am 267 I'll reach my goal height of 5'6"  I dunno if it is gravity, old age, HRT or All of the Above but I have shrunk, which is normal for us old dinosaurs. Only 5'11" now. So not a lot. I'm only 58, so I got time 

As for the broader more philosophical response... When I first 'Experimented' with transitioning in my 20's, twice, it was a disaster. A negative self-esteem factor on top of the tons of shame, guilt, expecations, etc. pretty much derailed things. PLUS growing up I was a major, easily hit, target of ridicule and derision. Well, trying to be 'Normal' was a far far better approach (at the time) then facing a lifetime of the same S*$!T I grew up trying to deal with.

A friend of mine back then had a great joke. His father told him "Son... Fat Drunk and Stupid is no way go through through life", so I lost some weight. Well I tried the same approach

For me, "Transition" is attempting to make one whole, healthy, and eventually happy person out of all these disparate, totally isolated, walled off, compartamentalized bits I made of myself in order "To Survive" The energy separating, splitting me, came from Shame and Guilt.

Once I arrived at the point of feeling a bit better about myself, who I am, what I am, being able to actually say and FEEL the words, "I am a transsexual", I worried less about 'Others'. In a tiny way I allowed myself to revel and feel the sheer joy of being the REAL ME out in the real world, and not be consumed by my fears, my shame and overwhelmed by the feelings of "Some guy in a dress"

I obsess still over 'Fitting in", more from a point of if I do decide to fully transition possibly loosing the respect of my coworkers, I expect loss of 'Male Privileged", many members of my support group have said that. But for this formerly fat, mouth breathing, four eyed, stuttering, knuckle dragging moron, I found a niche in which I excel and perceptions can all change overnight. Thankfully my dysphoria has not reached the point where I constantly feel "I NEED to go full time".

However, I really really really now, more than ever, NEED to feel genuine. Well.. as a wise and saintly woman once said "We stand at the crossroads of gender balanced on the sharp edge of a knife"

[palexander]

i definitely want to blend in. i've always been within the minority, viewed as an oddity. now that i'm on t more males talk to me, they use male pronouns, and i no longer receive weird stares. i do get females checking me out (which is uncomfortable for both my girlfriend and i), but it could be worse, i guess. not being stealth isn't an option for me because i just want to live. stress free.

i do respect those of you who are open, but it's not for me... at times i even convince myself that i'm cis- is that wrong to do? + does anyone else do that?

[mystique]

I blend in, and I'm in stealth, I only have a few people in real life (close friends, bf) other than family that knows my trans-status. I definitely like blending in and being perceived as a normal woman, that was my goal all along. Also "blending in" gives me the benefit of not being prejudiced against. However, sometimes I do feel that I couldn't be 100% true to others in the sense that I have to make up experiences that I never had, also not being able to talk openly about my feelings and depression caused by being trans to most friends really sucks. I'd still say the pros of being stealth and blending in outweighs the cons.

[androgynouspainter26]

Normal woman...please don't phrase it that way.  It's not like we're trying to be different.  We are just here out of a tragic accident of genetics.

[Steph34]

I wear very conspicuous sunscreen, so blending in is clearly not a priority for me. I really do not care if people know I am trans, even if they walk away from me because of it. When they use male terminology and see me as a man is when I am bothered. I have always been 'different' and that is an aspect of me that I am not ashamed of. I do wish I could pass better, though. Oh, the horror! What 14 years of testosterone poisoning has done to me.

[Kimberley Beauregard]

I'd rather blend in than stand out but most of my wardrobe isn't typical everyday wear.  No-one gives a ->-bleeped-<-, though.

[barbie]

I always stand out at any place in the world whether I pass or not, and I enjoy it.
I have to interact with hundreds of people every week.
People seem to be happy with me. Most of them smile at me.

At Nagasaki, Japan, about a month ago. You should pick up me easily.



barbie~~

[Bird Goddess]

I always stand out at any place in the world whether I pass or not, and I enjoy it.
I have to interact with hundreds of people every week.
People seem to be happy with me. Most of them smile at me.

At Nagasaki, Japan, about a month ago. You should pick up me easily.



barbie~~

I picked you out,but only because of your clothing style in the picture which matches with your profile pic .

[barbie]

I picked you out,but only because of your clothing style in the picture which matches with your profile pic .

With the 4.5 inch heels, I was the tallest person in the group (ca. 6 feet 5 inch, or 196 cm).

I once presided at a meeting with about 100 people, and my friend in the audience later told me that everybody looked surprised (or perplexed) at my strong local dialect with low voice, as they certainly had expected a feminine voice with a kind of Seoul dialect. I replied that anyway all of the audience paid attention to me, and my job as the host was successful. That is one of my merits!



barbie~~

[Peebles]

Sort of? I do want to blend in and be one of the girls, I've been outcasted far too long.

I do want to maintain my individuality I guess, but I can't see that being that hard, I've never been one to be easily pushed around.

[ErinReign]

Would I like to pass 100%, absolutely, but the people I care about accepting me is far more important. I think everyone is self conscious about certain aspects of themselves or otherwise preoccupied to notice many of the things we over-analyze about ourselves.

"but in general I do like it to have the possibility to make a change. To inspire people and change a narrow minded person just by introducing yourself."

I feel that this can be done by anyone regardless of how well they do or don't "blend in", it just takes a dedication to making an impact.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Blend in , in to what , a mold or be seen for who you are not what some may think you should be .

To late ether way im too well known and work with 100,s of people and known by 1000,s

sure not my clothes in how i look , its in my demeanor my interacting with so many people as a friend  work mates   and have women work for me and with me,
 
im a very capable woman who know,s what she,s doing and with in our groups with members of more than 1500 people  hey they know my difference and my background and they still wont me to be around them and incharge of detail we do ,

To me this is about who you are as a person not about oh you have to wear this or that to blend in ...Oh right  so my clothes must be as i should be wearing according to some.......who are so sexy and feminine and have the right cut , okay if thats the set you hang out with go for it if not then it,s time to get ones head out of the sand and wake up to the fact its not the clothes shoes makeup or what ever else we females ...CAN...wear ,

its about the person  and you / my acceptance is totaly based on. i wear many different style,s of clothes from uniform to Renaissance  Edwardian to work clothes and im still reconised just the same ,  women or men .

I,v been rejected because oh maybe i dont dress as those who i have met or dont look like they do , or some other reason i have what they wont cant help how i was born   female 
And near to us in another country  how sad ,  trans and dressers,   maybe i dont relate to them .

yet  those with in my community here in Waimate  have come along side me in so many ways  so my failings of not a very pretty looking female or some other reason is brushed aside ,i have a fantastic repore with so many , so should i change how i look  with major surgerys  my face and so on , for what to fit in or blend in , and in a percived way ,

Just to fit in ....     i am part   of our community and socitey

what you see in my photo is how 1500  people see me yet the most importaint part is they have accepted  ...noeleena...  for who she is ,

...noeleena...

[Steph34]

Would I like to pass 100%, absolutely, but the people I care about accepting me is far more important. I think everyone is self conscious about certain aspects of themselves or otherwise preoccupied to notice many of the things we over-analyze about ourselves.

For me personally, passing is more important than acceptance. Now that I know I am finally on the right road, I am much less self-conscious about people's attitudes than I was when I pretended to be a man. Passing is not the same as blending in, though. While I would like to pass completely, I am all about self-expression and 'blending in' with females is not my intention. That would be kind of difficult to do anyway, given my height and my hair loss, and I have far bigger worries to contend with.

[ElizMarie]

At 61, I've long passed the idea of being totally passable.  I just want to blend in enough and be passable enough that no one will hassle me.

Thankfully, I've never had the desire to go out in public dressed outlandishly.  Blending in and being a normal woman has been my idea of nirvana, so most of the time, I'm dressed down in jeans and whatever else is appropriate for what I'm doing. 

[Zoetrope]

What I do want is to stay part of mainstream society.

There's no real reason for me to be removed from it, so yeah, I'd like to stay there with the benefits it brings ...

So far so good :~o