(trigger warning) It is difficult tonight

[transtastic]

Oh my god, I don't want to go through this. 🙁
It feels like I'm dreaming but I may be a transsexual. Hhahaha, this is so sick. 🙁
It's like everything is getting an explanation.
There are almost no photos of me from puberty and forward. I'm online 16h per day. My brother is always joking about it.
I never looked into the mirror in puberty. All of a sudden I remember so many things.
I remember how I went to a womans bedroom and just feel so at peace with everything being white,
and clean, with a table full of creams and makeups and mirror. I remember fragrances in small
bottles as a child. I can't stand looking at myself. I have the worst face ever. I have a huge Adam's apple,
I have extreme frontal bossing, I have a square face. I'm so scared. This is just not happening to me.
My mother has been through so many things. I just can't put her through this aswell. I can't even kill myself. 🙁

I was with friends today. I cant STAND looking at girls in their dresses. I cant STAND looking at their small faces,
I cant STAND looking at their lean arms. I cant STAND my own body.

I never wanted anyone to touch me.  I never liked my name. Everything is making sense.

Why am I doing this to myself. Surely, I am trying to destroy myself by thinking I'm transsexual?
It is 1 in 10.000 - how the /#() is it possible? Why should this guy always thinking twice be trans?
Surely I am just crazy.

I'm sure I would be just as miserable if I transitioned. Hahahaha, I can't believe Im even writing this.

[Jessica Merriman]

A first big step for most of us was with a therapist preferably with gender experience. They can help you discover exactly what is going on with you. From there you can follow whichever path to a healthy future. I myself transitioned and life has never been better for me. I am no longer isolated and angry, but out and about actually living life. This is just one those things you should not face alone as it is overwhelming. See a therapist and find out what is right for you. None of us wanted to be trans it was just a part of our lives no less. Good luck.

[Jo-is-amazing]

Ok sweetie just take a few breaths and calm down
You are clearly struggling, and the pain you are feeling is so evident in your post it is truly heartbreaking but you need to remember a few things.

You deserve to be happy
You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin
You deserve to be able to not just stand your body, but to actually like It

Obviously this is not an easy road to take. But don't fool yourself. An Adams apple can br shaved, a brow can be altered and Hrt is often a miracle worker. Don't give up hope, you will find happiness

[transtastic]

Ok sweetie just take a few breaths and calm down
You are clearly struggling, and the pain you are feeling is so evident in your post it is truly heartbreaking but you need to remember a few things.

You deserve to be happy
You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin
You deserve to be able to not just stand your body, but to actually like It

Obviously this is not an easy road to take. But don't fool yourself. An Adams apple can br shaved, a brow can be altered and Hrt is often a miracle worker. Don't give up hope, you will find happiness

I have a huge Adam's apple. The whole cartilage is almost outside of the throat. I cant feel its contours :\

I just wanted to be a person people liked. 🙁

[Jo-is-amazing]

But you can be!!!
Why would transitioning make you unlikeable?

[transtastic]

But you can be!!!
Why would transitioning make you unlikeable?

I mean I guess everyone rationalizes why they are the person that it is just impossible to transition for.
But basically I'm quite odd and so being transsexual will be icing on the cake. But well.. bad instead of good.
It will just be so over the top strange. And in the end I will look like a freak. I don't have that nice rounded face,
so many have. My face is square. I would never pass.

[Jo-is-amazing]

You should see my pre transition photos 😛
I honestly thought the same as you, my face was square as, but its started to soften, I was lucky in terms of my Adams apple but in reality I was overlaying it in my mind.

I think to.some extent you are doing that too

[transtastic]

How do you add pictures to a thread? Do you have to upload i onto a third party website?

[Jo-is-amazing]

Pretty much
Just paste the url in between the image things that come up

^ Like that