Tackling Coming Out at Work

[AlexanderMiles]

Welp, I am really not one to make good topics for these kind of things. I haven't written a very good post in almost a year, I feel. Since my previous post, I have come out to very nearly everyone I know. There's only one major issue with that.

Now I need to tackle coming out to work.

There are a few factors that weigh in with my ability to do so. First off, I am a trans-man, 21 (almost 22), and I have had the mindset that I wouldn't come out to work until I absolutely needed to. However, things have started to weigh me down recently, and the fact that I work with the general public makes things 10x worse, as they know me by now. I've worked at the store for 8 months, almost 9 by now. It's a very community knit convenient store, as many of the customers we get are walking customers, or ones who stop in for coffee in the evening and morning on their way to or from work.

As this isn't my permanent future job, I know that it's not imperative that they are to know, but as the months drag on, and everyone I know is starting to adjust to calling me Alex instead of my birth name, it's becoming more and more clear that this is becoming something that I can't entirely avoid. I'm in desperate need to lose weight and get my top surgery as well, and as I'm hoping to not be working here in the future, therein lies the problem that if I manage to save up enough money by then, I may be still working there when the time comes to finally get this weight off my chest.

Of course... There's one more problem. Telling my work family isn't going to be easy and I know I should bite the bullet and do so, but I'm terrified to do so. I was terrified to tell my parents (both of them, as I am adopted.), but that turned out fine. I am at 100% acceptance as of the current moment from those who know me. Something has to give way, and I'm terrified that telling my workplace, I would either need a transfer, or need to quit the job, as I'm aware that some of my customers will not be as accepting of me as my state laws are. So... I suppose I'm saying that I'm up for suggestions on what I should do. Any insight will help!

[immortal gypsy]

Like you I deal with the general public daily, most days on my own. This is a big secret to carry,  I understand not wanting to tell work but when you deal with people constantly it can effect you and occasionally bleeds into your working life. Without letting them your employer know what is going on in your life,  it can lead to more compilations

Questions.  What name does work know you as Alex? (A simple no will do if they don't) Also you mentioned you would have to transfer why exactly. (Just how conservative is your clientele)?

For the record I told my boss straight up (I'm trans, I'm taking female hormoy) before I worked for him full time. It's a small shop (3 staff at the moment, I'm no.2 in hierarchy) in a working class area. We still have some minor problems but it is going well

[AlexanderMiles]

I work at a gas station/convenience store on a main road in my city. The area isn't known for being very accepting, and I'm unsure how well the general public would take my news as being transgender. The reason to transfer would to avoid personal harm, in case of anything happening. My work knows me as my girl name, not Alex, which is the name I'm changing it to soon enough. I have worked there for 8 months, and as i've said, all the people I see are people I see daily and who come into the store daily. Recently, someone got shot and very nearly killed near my store, and I'm worried about the possibilities of that happening while I'm at work. I'm a bit of a pessimist, if you couldn't tell. We've got a small shop, but we see well over a thousand people daily, if not closer to two thousand. We've got 13 employees, and I'm a part timer. I'm covered by my states laws, so if I were to be let go for it, then I could technically sue them for it.

[immortal gypsy]

If it makes you more comfortable transfer and start afresh there. Just be preprepared for less hours at the new location. (You will be the new guy on the block afterall, however this is something I wish I did three locations ago)
How do transfers work do you have to go through a head office or just apply at the other location? If it is head office you might have to tell them why you wish to transfer, (I don't know your company policy). If it is through head office, it may be in your intrest to disclose that you are trans if you have to give a reason. It is one thing to say you are protected by your state's laws, it's another thing to have a hard copy and paper trail to support you, (photocopy everything).
As for telling your workplace, I always favour the straight up aproach. My name is Alex I am transitioning to male and wish to be known by male pronouns from now on. Scary and blunt but totally honest.
Or you can hide in plain sight, present as male say "Hi my name is now Alex" (gender neutral names can be a blessing) don't disclose why you have changed it (or come up with a creative reason for the change of name) Just be prepared for some misgendering occasionally

[Mai]

transfering to a new area, or lining up another job is good imo. so long as when you transfer the new job only see's you as the gender you are presenting.   personally, shortly after i come out at work, get paperwork changed, and can pass semi-reliably, i will be moving a short distance and putting in for a hardship transfer.  most bigger companies allow this.    if you end up needing a different job, pretty much regardless of the area i am sure there is a wal-mart nearby (unless your not in the US).  walmart hires anyone pretty much and if you can get on overnights, its minimum 32 hours, 40 for most of the year for most stores.

at a convinience store is there much of a possibility for getting a transfer to a different location? or is the one you are at more locally owned?

[AlexanderMiles]

It's a relatively large company, there's two stores from it in my area. I could afford to move to another store as much as I love teh people at mine.

[ImagineKate]

I took this approach. I talked to HR first. They did like it was no big deal but wanted notice when I was going FT so they can do the switch.

Then I told my manager who was surprised but supportive. He spoke to his boss (the CTO) and he said he would support me and anything I need just ask. They would also swiftly address any discrimination and would not tolerate any harassment. Company policy is strong and clear on this. 

I feel good and I'm going to be out at work in a few months. Just getting therapist's OK and guidance.