One by One

[Alison AU]

Hi, just starting out both here at this forum and in my big scary journey.

I've done a brief Introduction post and thought I'd continue here.

Other than to a therapist each, my wife was first to mention to a good friend of ours that I'm very likely MTF. This was both scary but a huge relief. I wasn't due to meet up with her for several days after my wife had told her, and I was very apprehensive about how to interact with such a huge secret of mine out in our social lives for the first time. It turns out that she felt much the same way - there are no obvious rules about how to interact socially in situations like this!

But she and my wife came over to say hi and she offered her unwavering support for us both. Yay for us, what a happy moment in my life. It felt amazing too being more emotionally connected with a person other than my wife than I have ever been.

Next it was my turn, and yesterday I came out to the best man from our wedding. This was the first time I have done it myself so I dodged the topic for the first 20 minutes or so of our catchup, and almost chickened out completely. But eventually I just jumped in and the words started flowing. "I've been piecing bits of my life together and have worked out that I'm Trans. The part I don't know yet is what comes next."

We have been invited to a combined family holiday with them and I wanted to give them the opportunity to retract if they had issues with my news, but he immediately said of course he didn't. Still, I wanted him to discuss with his wife and let me know.

Their combined text of support arrived later in the evening. Again, feeling so happy to have the support of people around me. Not sure what our holiday will bring but that's the next big step to tackle.

[mrs izzy]

And one day at a time.

Take all the support you can get.

Hugs

[Alison AU]

Yes, great advice - I take life as it comes and this is certainly going to take the same attitude to get through.

It's also great to have support here, so thanks

[Alison AU]

The number of supportive friends who know continues to grow, which is amazing every time it happens. I have drafted a letter to my parents. Wow that will be interesting.

But I think most importantly I have come out of the closet properly and honestly to *myself*.

Up until about a week ago I still hadn't been able to resolve the fact that most transwomen have known they were in the wrong bodies for most if not all of their lives, but I have been telling everyone I was coming out to that since I didn't, I was still confused as to what path to take. Was this all just a big mistake on my part? Was I really Trans?

Well on yet another sleepless night I got up and started writing things down. And I was finally able to realise the number of events in my past where I would truly have been happier in a situation if I were a girl. Being mid-30s now, there was no internet, or magazines, or even anyone in my suburban upbringing around for me to identify the concept of transgender, let alone that the term might apply to me.

And in more recent years when I have started questioning, my huge denial built up over decades meant that I thought I was first an effeminate male, or then perhaps a cross-dresser.

But no. I'm out to myself now, and it's all I can do to slow myself down to a pace that doesn't destroy the great relationships I have with family and friends.