My dad

[ImagineKate]

Sent him the letter I drafted with the help of my therapist.

I'm on pins and needles now. I have no idea how he's going to react.

But part of me says no big deal because after a while I grew independent from him as in before I turned 18.

Another part of me says I have nothing to lose because he can't take away anything from me.

But deep down inside I feel as though him not accepting is going to hurt really badly.

I didn't want to do this before Christmas but I had to because he wanted to come up and he's going to notice physical things.

Wish me luck.

[synesthetic]

good luck! i hope everything goes well; regardless of what happens, though, just remember that we're all here for you. coming out is so terrifying and i'm proud of you for doing that! *good vibes and love*

[big kim]

Good luck

[stephaniec]

good luck

[mrs izzy]

We all need to beat down the door of fear.

Take one door at a time and soon they will either stay open or will be closed.

Not every door will say closed in some just need a little time.

Hang in and we are here

[ImagineKate]

He read it I'm sure by now because he asked if the attachment I sent him is what I sent to him. He didn't say anything yet. On advice of my therapist I asked him to take a week to think about what he has to say. Mom gets hers soon but probably by USPS.

The really cool thing is that my wife is supporting me in this and has become way more supportive lately. I'm going with her older daughter to get my brows done after I let them grow out a bit and we go clothes shopping together now. I want to cry I can't believe all this is coming together. Just a few weeks ago she was talking divorce and today she says she doesn't believe in divorce and that she's always there for me.

[ImagineKate]

No reply yet. Wow. He really is taking a week as I suggested. Or maybe he stopped talking to me. He didn't even message me on skype or send me an email wishing me a merry Christmas.

[Kristie]

Hi, I'm new and still lurking and reading but...


I was curious if you had heard back by chance. How ya holding up?

[Ms Grace]

Sorry I didn't see this sooner. As someone dealing with my own father at the moment I know what you mean by needing to have him acknowledge and not reject you. With my own father I told him face to face and then, when he later wouldn't meet me in girl mode I sent him a fairly lengthy letter which he took ages to reply to. Hope you hear someone positive from him soon. Hugs

[ImagineKate]

Nada yet.

Not even an email for Merry Christmas or happy new year...

I should reach out to him, but he's been known to disappear for days, weeks on end. Besides, after my teenage years and suicide attempts we kind of drifted way apart. We healed some, but it's not the same as when I was 0-12.

And another fight with my wife last night. That'll be another thread though.

I don't know how I even go on anymore. Sometimes I feel like I should just forget about it, detransition and go back to being a mess. Now with the dysphoria in my head basically gone, I worry about my family more.

[JoanneB]

I don't know how I even go on anymore. Sometimes I feel like I should just forget about it, detransition and go back to being a mess. Now with the dysphoria in my head basically gone, I worry about my family more.

Or, as I put it "Having a WTF am I Doing Meltdown???"

Some of the GD fog lifts, you start feeling a bit better about yourself. You start feeling scared, fed by a ton more shame and guilt over the turn you took. Feeling better you start to think that through the sheer force of will, I can ride this out. Sometimes it took days, other times weeks with me for reality to set back in.

"I know what does not work". I tried that 3D route (Diversions, Distractions and Denial) for 30+ years. I know that road ends in disaster.

[ImagineKate]

Or, as I put it "Having a WTF am I Doing Meltdown???"

Some of the GD fog lifts, you start feeling a bit better about yourself. You start feeling scared, fed by a ton more shame and guilt over the turn you took. Feeling better you start to think that through the sheer force of will, I can ride this out. Sometimes it took days, other times weeks with me for reality to set back in.

"I know what does not work". I tried that 3D route (Diversions, Distractions and Denial) for 30+ years. I know that road ends in disaster.

Pretty much. GD is somewhat gone, although I do have occasional relapses, particularly seeing people (pretty cis women) go about their normal lives being themselves. And then there is pregnancy and relationships, a whole 'nother bag of dysphoria about stuff out of reach dumped on me.

But then I get to tell my kids about how I've always wanted to be a girl, and they're talking about it amongst themselves... and getting excited about it? And I see myself in the mirror, like a beautiful flower, getting more colorful, growing and blossoming. I gain more confidence daily and I go out en femme pretty often now. Then I realize it's all worth it.

Then my wife and I have a fight and I start over from scratch.

[ImagineKate]

Mom's going to get her letter soon as well. My therapist suggested I go old school, and put it in the hands of Uncle Sam's finest turtles. So, snail mail it is.

[ImagineKate]

Well I totally didn't expect this. Silence. Total and complete silence.

He's posting on facebook though, just not replying to any contact of mine. Not email, skype or phone. Not even answering, and I always use my real phone, I don't try to hide or force people to talk to me.

I... just don't know what to do right now. I loved my dad quite a lot when I was a child. I was very close to him. We had our disagreements but he and I patched up and we had a good relationship going.

I want to cry right now. In fact I am. At work.

I'd ask mom but she doesn't talk to him. Maybe my brother? I'm out to him.

[ChiGirl]

Give him time, Kate.  My dad came around eventually and is now my biggest supporter.  It did take 20 years.  [emoji5]

I think for my dad the best thing was education.  I don't know if you can send him articles that would help him understand.  It's scary not to have the support of your parents, no matter how old you are (even at 40!)

Good luck and Hugs!

[ImagineKate]

That's true.

I mean, he has to contact me sooner or later. I am on the deed for his share of the land his house is on (it's a shared property owned by the family). He needs my signature to execute anything with it, and the Government wants the property to build a highway. This kinda pushed me coming out to him.

So he'll contact me out of necessity. What's he going to do?

[Alana_Jane]

I'm really sorry you're having these problems with your Father Kate.

You're right that he will have to at least deal with you, some time.  I only hope he can come to terms with your authentic self.  Give him time, and I'm sure he'll come around. 
Hugs to you,

-Alana

[ImagineKate]

It pains me because I see pictures and videos of him on facebook with my cousins. One of them is either a lesbian or FTM, she wouldn't say, but she has a girlfriend she lives with and dresses like a boy. I mean he can accept them, why not me? He talks to my brother on a regular basis (who has promised me full unconditional support) but not me... I even sponsored his green card a few years ago, willingly without question.

I just don't get it. Even if he doesn't accept, why won't he at least talk to me and say he doesn't so I won't be left hanging?