wanting to be a "normal" trans person

[kittylover]

I still am unable to get the image I have of what a "normal" trans person is out of my head and I still always feel like I'm not one of them and that's a problem
here is what my image is-
has "always known" they were trans or at least showed signs of it as a child-not me
hates their birth name so much they won't say it or have anything to do with it-not me
folllows the stereotypes of their gender-not me
has an issue using their assigned sex's bathroom-mostly not me
wants hormones and surgery-not sure
how do I feel like these things don't make me less trans or less of a man?

[suzifrommd]

I still am unable to get the image I have of what a "normal" trans person is out of my head and I still always feel like I'm not one of them and that's a problem
here is what my image is-
has "always known" they were trans or at least showed signs of it as a child-not me
hates their birth name so much they won't say it or have anything to do with it-not me
folllows the stereotypes of their gender-not me
has an issue using their assigned sex's bathroom-mostly not me
how do I feel like these things don't make me less trans or less of a man?

Take me, for example. Had no inkling until I was 50. Was comfortable with my birth name, never had a problem using a men's room, never cross-dressed, played with dolls, never felt like "a woman in a man's body."

There is no one right way to be trans.

[JulieL]

I'm right with both of you. I don't feel male is totally wrong; I just feel that female feels right.

I've had some flashes of this earlier in my life, but started to realize it was a real part of my identity only in the last couple of years (around age 30).

There's no right way. You just need to find the way for you.

[jeni]

Can I "me too"?

I've been happy enough in my birth gender, and could probably stick it out that way if I had to. But it's not right. I've wished to be a girl since forever, but it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I realized how deep that runs through me.

Making that realization and taking steps to acknowledge it and correct the mismatch has made me a ton happier than I've ever been before. I've generally been happy, but I had forgotten what it felt like to be enthusiastic about EVERYTHING on some days. (Not just enthusiasm about finally becoming *me*, I feel better about totally unrelated things at work, etc.)

It would certainly have been easier to diagnose if I had felt a burning passion not to be in the body I'm in. I don't think it'd be better overall, though. Listen to and be true to yourself. That's all you can do, and no one can tell you how you should feel.

[Ms Grace]

Hate to tell you kittylover but your "normal trans gender" person doesn't exist. We all come to, experience and express our realisations and needs around our gender in a very unique and personal way. Don't let a bunch of 1980s cliches get in the way of exploring your gender identity.

[Violet Bloom]

  One thing I remember when I went through the screening process to access HRT was feeling pressure to give examples like you list.  It wasn't explicitly stated but the doctor did want as much information to justify my decision as I could offer.  I think most of the pressure I actually put on myself though, having read so many accounts of other transpeople being forced to give clear, stereotypical stories of their pasts and motivations due to dealing with inexperienced practitioners or those going by outdated or rigid guidelines.

  That said, I know now there were things in my early childhood and again in my teen years that were clear indications of being trans, but I wasn't presented with the right information to understand them at the times they occurred.  In other words, I didn't "feel like a girl all my life" but I still knew something was different about me without being able to put my finger on it.  Also, the only conclusion I could make for the longest time, given my lack of understanding, was that I must be gay even though I had absolutely no interest in men.  This caused me intense distress leading to cycles of heavy repression which significantly delayed reaching my final understanding.

  If someone had actually told me bluntly in my teen years that I was trans I think I would have been mortified.  I had to grow a lot as a person and gain a substantial amount of self-confidence and comfort within myself before I could be ready to consciously grapple with the concept of my gender identity.  My subconscious mind clearly knew to protect me from this reality until my conscious mind was prepared to handle it.  I concluded I was trans shortly after my 35th birthday and have been slowly but surely transitioning since.  Most of this transition has and continues to be a mentally-based change and growth.

Hate to tell you kittylover but your "normal trans gender" person doesn't exist. We all come to, experience and express our realisations and needs around our gender in a very unique and personal way. Don't let a bunch of 1980s cliches get in the way of exploring your gender identity.

  Ha, yes!  I'm not even remotely like a drag queen nor do I speak or act like an effeminate gay man.

[JoanneB]

I am an engineer, a scientist, A mystery solver, a person who gets paid very well for "What If'ing" things to death be it medical devices or Star War's death rays.

The simple answer to "What is a 'Normal' trans person?" is found by looking at the other half of that very same question; "What is a 'Normal' NON trans person?". Well, once you start thinking you are are trans, you sure as hell don't qualify as a 'Normal Non-Trans" person.

After that, they sky, and your imagination is the limit

[DangerTom]

Maybe if you've fought your whole life to be a normal cis-person, you're used to modeling yourself after other people. It's easier to find examples of normal cis-people (although who knows what that even means) than normal trans-people, because trans narratives are more varied.

[androgynouspainter26]

If "normal" means majority-unless for some odd reason every trans person I've met has been "abnormal", I hate to break it to you, but we are the normal!  There are all sorts of different narratives within the transgender community.  Listen, this whole notion of a "normal" trans person stems from the days when doctors used to dangle the prospect of transitioning in front of poor girls with nowhere else to turn, only allowing them hormones if they swore they only were attracted to men, wore skirts all the time, and became submissive feminine stereotypes.  A word of healthy advice: Disregard everything you've been told is normal.  It'll only cause you greaf.

[nicole99]

It is hard when your own story does not fit the popular narrative. My idealised image was unsurprisingly very similar to yours, I think it has become part of current trans culture whether we prescribe to it or not. It is easy to feel like you are not as valid when you don't fit the mold. I think this is a problem in any culture - so many of us feel that we are not being man enough, not being lesbian enough, not being womanly enough, not being mother enough, not being batman enough..... 

But I think it does get easier Keep questioning, questioning is ok. Keep thinking about it, testing and talking about it as you are now.  Keep challenging and telling your story too as that is an important step in helping us all to become much more inclusive and permissive.

[adrian]

I think what you describe as "normal" trans story is in part a narrative that we, the community, have perpetuated -- because in the past (at least in my country), you had to prove that you're "really" trans if you wanted to have access to hrt or surgery. I believe that in the past, this has certainly led us to omit parts of our narrative (like having doubts, or not knowing from earliest childhood on).

We have to get that notion out of our head, and the heads of the medical professionals. We can only do that by telling our stories -- as diverse as they come. There are many different narratives out there. They have different beginnings and different endings (e.g. in terms how we choose to express our gender in our everyday life). But all these stories are valid.

As for myself: I think I expressed gender non-conformance as a child, but I don't think I knew. I only understood at age 38. I will be a very femme guy, should I transition. I'm gay. I think of my birth name as just my name, not a girl's name. I'm a "normal" (trans*) person .

[Clhoe G]

I do fit the typical trans story but after I began high school I started to do more typical boyish things like I started playing guitar, did teakwondo, played video games with male friends just trying to fit in, basically going into denial mode and the funny thing is I didn't even realize I was doing it n I became unruly, angery and rather emotional, like it's very strange what the subconscious can do, it almost seems like a lot of people's girlie side gets stuck in that part of the brain n comes out after, so I don't see much differents really wanting to be a girl vs having a history of feeling like a girl, we all want to be girls, so if this is something you really really want I'd say go for it before dysphoria really kicks in, plus It's really not important to get hung up on the details when it comes to the typical trans stories, like so what I played with dolls as a kid n always knew blah blah blah, it's not important it's all about how you feel, no one can tell you how you feel or how you should feel, so forget those stories and go n do what you feel is best for you.

[Cindy]

Ever met a normal cisperson?

Everyones journey is different.

[Ms Grace]

Ever met a normal cisperson?

lol, now that you mention it... probably not!!

[Clhoe G]

Meh no such thing as normal, like normal for humans is diversity, which laughs in the face of people who think there is a norm when there isn't...  O no I've just confused myself    lol.