Detransitioning journal. Is there any interest in this?

[Detransition]

I'm 22, I have been on HRT for a bit over 4 years and for personal reasons, I've decided to detransition (MTF back to M).

Would anyone here be interested in a journal of the effects/timeline of what happens when one tapers down hrt and eventually stops it altogether? I'm at day 19 of no HRT and day 30 of beginning detransition, so all the details are still fresh in my memory and I could update it weekly.

[crowcrow223]

If you feel comfortable enough talking about it, you could speak about the reasons behind it and your whole story, thanks

[onep1ece7]

i think there would be interest in a detransition journal, there arent many out there

[Randi]

I would be interested in your story.

After four years on female HRT, I wonder about your ability to produce testosterone or viable sperm.

You can always regain the appearance of a male by taking exogenous testosterone, but that would only cause further shutdown of your testicles.  Getting the lads "restarted" might take some doing.  I hear some folks use Clomid or HCG to help with this.

Personally at age 65, I'm hypogonadic, producing less testosterone than a normal woman my age.  Whether I take estrogen or testosterone, I'm going to be feminine.  Testosterone just converts to estradiol, so the net effect is the same.

Best Wishes,

Randi 

[Detransition]

Surprisingly, my body started resuming T production within a week of being done with the HRT taper. At around 21 days off, I now get morning wood and nocturnal erection every night. I also no longer have dry orgasm, and the semen is becoming more and more white (as opposed to being clear like water). My libido has also been spiking up constantly. My throat has also been a bit sore and my voice seems to have dropped down a bit, and I'm getting some facial hair and body hair growth (never had much before I started HRT).

My T levels were at <35 ng/dl on HRT, and at around week 2 of no HRT they were already at 300 ng/dl. I'm getting another T level test done in a few days, and I expect it to be even higher.

[Randi]

Congratulations!  I think you will make it back.

Eight years ago before beginning HRT my T level was 150 ng/dL, so you are already twice the man I was.

I'm assuming you have a fair amount of breast growth.  How are you planning to deal with the girls?

My T levels were at <35 ng/dl on HRT, and at around week 2 of no HRT they were already at 300 ng/dl. I'm getting another T level test done in a few days, and I expect it to be even higher.

[Detransition]

I might just shell out the $4000-5000 for gynecomastia surgery. I talked to a surgeon that has dealt with cases of severe gynecomastia, which looked a lot like what I currently have (A cup, not that much growth, though it's noticeable if I don't bind) and he said he could easily correct this.

However, I want to wait to masculinize a bit before I get any surgery, just to see if they shrink a bit on their own, since if they do it would make the surgery less invasive and I would have less risks of having big nasty scars.

I feel ok living and presenting as male. My dysphoria was not strong enough to justify me continuing transition, so I don't think I would regret it if I got surgery to get rid of breast growth and lived as male permanently. I actually feel better than I have in a long time lately.

[Randi]

It might be worth your time to read this article by Anne Vitale:

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

She has had several trans patients whose dysphoria disappeared while on estrogen. They assumed they were "cured".  As the testosterone came back online, the dysphoria re-emerged.

It might be good to hold off on the gynocomastia surgery until you are certain you feelings won't change.

[SelenaMendez]

i am really intrested in this and it is a blessing to have someone come out and talk about how transition wasnt for them...i honestly thought i was the only one because i couldnt find anyone that talks about detransition much...I know i didnt because i was afraid to speak of it....Almost like id feel like a quitter..like i gave up and i was starting to feel like maybe i was just going through something but in reality im starting to think that im having a bit of dysphoria 3 yrs into my transition....i miss the person i used to be before...its so weird to explain....sometimes i look at old pictures and daydream about how life used to be before this journey began...3 yrs ago i couldnt wait to transition..i told myself that i would stick to it and never look back..WRONG!!! transitioning became almost like a pyramid....i started at the bottom in hopes that i can reach the top.."my goal" of being passable...happy...loved....treated different somehow...after 3 yrs on hrt i feel like a reached my goal...i reached the top...with no surgeries....became passable...everyone just treated me like an ordinary girl...

i have been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs and i met his whole family..mind you..his family had no clue i was trans....
the point is i feel at times like im hanging on to "selena" for the sake of my relationship...i dont wanna lose him  and i know it sounds super selfish but im so lost and its sad to feel stuck between two gender choices....before being selena i embraced my male persona....i loved being Daniel...i was a happy gay male and i had lots of friends and people who admired me and loved me...
i love Selena...i dont regret her at all...i grew up playing with BArbies and girls and i never hung out with "the boys" i always dreamed of growing up as a beautiful girl having a man cater to my needs....when i started HRT i was 100% sure that transition is everything i ever wanted and more...Here i am 3 yrs into my transition hurt because i know i miss Daniel and at the same time i refuse to let go of Selena..who built memories for 3 yrs with a struggle to get acceptance....i reached the finish line and now im thinking..."whats next?" "is this it?"  my god i sound crazy lol

[helen2010]

It might be worth your time to read this article by Anne Vitale:

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

She has had several trans patients whose dysphoria disappeared while on estrogen. They assumed they were "cured".  As the testosterone came back online, the dysphoria re-emerged.

It might be good to hold off on the gynocomastia surgery until you are certain you feelings won't change.

Randi

This was certainly my experience.  I have learned that I need hrt, even if it is low dose, in order to address my dysphoria.

Aisla

[AnonyMs]

Trying not to transition I started and stopped a few times. I also found that I tend to feel fine on it and awful without it. When stopping the time before I really start suffering also seemed to increase depending on how long I'd been on HRT. I assume it takes longer for testosterone to start back up. Low dose was great for some years, but it doesn't work for me anymore. I give up on stopping, its too hard.

[sp2000]

Congratulations!  I think you will make it back.

Eight years ago before beginning HRT my T level was 150 ng/dL, so you are already twice the man I was.

I'm assuming you have a fair amount of breast growth.  How are you planning to deal with the girls?

hi Detransition

could you come back and let us know how your detransitioning is going on?
any thing special you will like to shar?