It seems like evil wants me dead and or destitute, heading there so fast.

[Shawn Sunshine]

  I have had so much pain in the last month. My soul is nearly shattered. I have been stolen from 3 times, lost more on top of being stolen, still homeless and barely surviving now sleeping at the peirs in san francisco. My family won't contact me, doesnt seem to care whether I live or die. I get harrased by people alot now, security guards or just random people. Everything is falling down like dominos, even though I am trying to fight back. I havent had my hormones also for a month. I have zero money, $60,000 in debts and zero career or life. The idea of who I thought I should be is fading fast. I am 42, fat and tired, pushing myself to my limits and its still not enough.

I feel useless,weak,beaten and battered. It hasant stopped since my childhood, when then things were even worse. I have no idea how to lift myself at the moment. But all I can do is keep searching for that diamond in the rough, that I know is there.   

[Shawn Sunshine]

so the truth is i no longer matter, at least to anyone living....

[stephaniec]

I sorry I don't know how to help other than try reaching out to a city agency or hospital or some relative I'm truly sorry I have no answers I am alone myself

[mrs izzy]

All lives matter.

I was told you have to reach rock bottom before you can move forward in transition.

I was there and i never gave up on life and that is how i clawed back up.

I know this is said alot but its true. Day at a time is all we can do.

Just try to improve each day a little better somehow.

Hugs

[LizMarie]

Before worrying about your transition, try to find a way to stabilize your life! Contact city agencies. Contact local LGBT groups and see what they recommend. Surely someone local can recommend a way to help.

[Foxglove]

Shawn, I'm really sorry.  I don't know what to tell you.  The problems you have, I've never come close to having that sort of thing in my life.  It's not that I don't feel for you.  I just don't know what to say.

As Liz Marie suggested, is there no one you can reach out to?  A homeless shelter?  I suppose you've thought of this yourself, but I hope you can find some organization that can help you get things back together.

[JLT1]

Shawn,

What happened.  I must have missed some thing as well as a few events.  What happened that put you out of your house and how did you get to San Fran?  What is your plan for moving forward?  You've hit the bottom....

Get us up to date and how we can help..

Hugs,

Jen

[Ms Grace]

Hugs. Wish I could do something to actually help. You do need to find some way forward, get off the streets and find a safe place to stay until you can. Easier said than done I know but hopefully there are organisations who can help you even if for only a month or two until you get back on your feet. Please take care.

[BreezyB]

Hi Shawn,

You do matter you know, everyone matters. Life throws us some real,challenges sometimes. But you know Shawn, it's not so much about what happens to us, but how we pick ourselves up. Debt is debt, don't worry, most of us have it, and often in much larger amounts. It's just money! Weight can be lost, it doesn't need to be lost right now. What is important is your safety, sanity and wellbeing right now.

As the other girls have mentioned, the most important thing to do is to find yourself somewhere to stay. Make sure that you are eating, and most importantly you keep talking to people. I don't know the San Fran area at all, but I'm sure there's some kind of help that one can get to.

Try to to think about where you want to be in an hour. Not a week, or a month, but in short term.stay focussed on small things, like the place to stay.

Sometimes things can get on top of us, and it's hard. But the sooner we can stand up, and say 'no, I'm moving forward' the sooner you find your focus again.

A few links I found:

• http://www.ecs-sf.org
• http://svdp-sf.org

Take care Shawn and stay safe friend.

Bree xxx

[Melanie CT]

Shawn everyone gave such good advice. I can't add anything else but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[fitzyfoop]

There must be someone else living in San Fran on here right?? I really hope they find this and offer you sanctuary, I'm so sorry I can't help you, but I hope someone else can!! Hugs!!

[Allyda]

Sending you many cyber hugs and my best wishes and hopes things for you will turn around.

I too am so sorry there is nothing I can do to help you as I live in Florida and haven't been back home (Southern California) since the 90's and I know things have changed since then. As others have suggested think in the short term ie: a roof over your head and food to eat, and go from there. While I know things have prolly changed a lot back home since I was last there, Cali used to have one of the better networks for help than most states. Check with Human Services and local churches. Also if you have internet access you may be able to get pointed in the right direction from a simple Google search. Also, Cali used to have a program called "General Relief" that offered food stamps and financial help, and even help to find work. Now I dunno if it still exists under or by that name, but they are sure to have a similar program in existence. You should be able to find out about these programs from your local Dept. of Human Services.

I hope this helps some.

Happy Holidays!
Ally

[Shawn Sunshine]

Hey all, well it looks like the storm over my life is clearing (literally in the sky also). I just now got back on my normal medicine and hormones. 24 hours and my feminine brain kicked in again. I am kinda amazed at how fast. I am not as poor and cold now. I have a decent pair of pants and even a womans 24x shirt that match. Yay! One article of female clothing is better than zero. I got some help from the ymca where I am a member, they gave me some help to get my co pay paid ($which was $3.60) and then I got a job for 30 min working for the city and made $5. Best news though is a temporary shelter at St. Mary's Cathederal opened up and I have a bed there as long as i keep checking in and standing in line on Sunday. Will last at least till Jan 11th. I have money finally coming on or near Christmas Eve too. Bad news though is MUNI gave me a ticket for fare evasion for $109 so I am contesting that and explained why I could not pay the fare. So still a few problems but the weight of the world is no longer pressing down like before.

[stephaniec]

good news every little bit helps .

[BreezyB]

Hey all, well it looks like the storm over my life is clearing (literally in the sky also). I just now got back on my normal medicine and hormones. 24 hours and my feminine brain kicked in again. I am kinda amazed at how fast. I am not as poor and cold now. I have a decent pair of pants and even a womans 24x shirt that match. Yay! One article of female clothing is better than zero. I got some help from the ymca where I am a member, they gave me some help to get my co pay paid ($which was $3.60) and then I got a job for 30 min working for the city and made $5. Best news though is a temporary shelter at St. Mary's Cathederal opened up and I have a bed there as long as i keep checking in and standing in line on Sunday. Will last at least till Jan 11th. I have money finally coming on or near Christmas Eve too. Bad news though is MUNI gave me a ticket for fare evasion for $109 so I am contesting that and explained why I could not pay the fare. So still a few problems but the weight of the world is no longer pressing down like before.

That's great news Shawn. Things always get better, provided we keep the right perspective. Tough times are inevitable in all our life's, and there will no doubt be other challenges thrown your way. But having gone through what you have, your a better and stronger person for it. It sounds like your really staying positive which is great. Big hugs  stay positive and keep smiling

Bree xxx

[Ms Grace]

Really really glad to hear that things are picking up for you.  I hope you can get an exemption from that fine, I know they're usually not too understanding about circumstances but fingers crossed.

[JLT1]

Yea!!!!!!!

Hugs

Jen

[Rachel]

Shawn, I am glad you have a bed to sleep in and some hope back in your posts.