Fear of becoming someone you are not!!

[jossef-ftm]

well before 2 days i was talking to my friend she's  a lesbian (married to a man from 1 year now) she's sad ofc cause she's a lesbian but she marry that guy cause of fear, fear of stay alone the rest of her life she told me i'm so sad and hurt but at last i'm not alone! i always have that fear of be alone the rest of my life  i'm a straight transguy its very rarely find a woman here accept u and want to spend her life with u, and i'm that guy love kids and want to have a family and be a father and i know it wont happen i try to accept things as it is!! i mean do u guys think its possible to be happy even u r not married or have kids!! is that possible!! i have that fear to do something i'm not just cause of fear as my friend did its my weakest side i always have that in my mind i dont wanna be someone i'm not cause  of fear and my mind push me lately and give me wrong ideas about me and i know that's not true its just cause of fear from lonliness and i can't control it !!did u guys even felt this way b4?!! about guys already transition without a family!! r u happy? do u think its possible to be happy and its not always family who make happiness!!

[Mr.X]

First of all, I feel really sorry for your friend. Does her husband know she only married him because she was afraid? That sounds horrible to me.
Second, I have accepted the fact I'll be forever alone. I'm almost 28 and never had a relationship, and probably will never have. I'm gay. Being a gay transguy is very hard. Most of the male population is straight, after all. The few who are gay, are not very fond of transmen due to lacking or not fully functional equipment. The chance I'll find a partner is as much as winning the lottery. I'm still very sad it will never happen, but I am starting to accept it. You can lead a normal, happy life being alone. Having a family is time consuming, so chances are you will get to do a lot of others things that are fun. What I see in loners is they usually have a lot of friends because they have plenty of time to spend with  them. Loners also seem to travel more and the likes. I can't comment on the kids part, though. I don't like kids, and would never want some.

[kast]

That's very sad about your friend... How old is she? It's never too late, and it's not much harder to find a gay partner than a straight one unless you live in the middle of nowhere. Marriages generally have a 50% chance of ending in divorce, so it's not like getting married to a guy will ensure that she'll never be alone. Her being a lesbian + getting married out of fear = even higher chance of it falling apart. I hope she finds someone else who she's actually happy with.

I think some people can be happy without a relationship or children, but most people would feel lonely and are very family-orientated. If you're having trouble achieving these things, then focus on your self-development in the mean time. Make some goals and reach them, get a hobby, do interesting things, get fit, travel, make friendships, etc. This is a good path to start with because 1. it makes you more attractive as a partner and gives you more options, and 2. if you still never find a partner, you'll have other significant things in your life to bring you happiness.

Don't give into thinking that nobody wants you and you'll always be alone, because that attitude is probably 95% of the reason that you are currently single. There are plenty of people out there that won't care if you're trans. As for family, you have some (difficult but possible) options for having kids like adoption or surrogacy etc.

[kast]

The few who are gay, are not very fond of transmen due to lacking or not fully functional equipment.

Really? Grindr, craigslist and dating sites tell me otherwise... haha. Seriously, trans-friendly gay guys are out there and they're not as elusive as you'd think.

[jossef-ftm]

Mr.X thnx for the reply first and yea he knows she's a lesbian and as always men think they can fix it,we are in a islamic arabic country where people believe in traditions more than science and where people think gay/les people r just like that cause they choose it or cause there parents didnt know how to raise them,she was with him for like 2 months before they get married he kinda make her believe he can fix it and cause she already was scared she accept it, and that's my biggest fear too is to become someone i'm not cause i'm scared of lolniness or just cause of someone was nice with me,i'm that kind of shy nice guy that will tell u yes for everything just if u treat me good so its my bigest fear!

[jossef-ftm]

kast thnx for the reply bro she's 24 years,and my biggest fear is to do a mistake like her and be someone i'm not just cause of fear from being lonly!