Mother refusing to see me on christmas

[Bran]

to everyone else who commented: my condition has been worsening as the days go on. my psychosis is horrible and during the day i have only brief moments where im doing alright enough and being lucid enough to have a decent conversation, so here goes.
. . . by the end of the day im usually not lucid enough to realize what im saying or doing or the effects it will have on me in the future, and my state during the day is only slightly better. im lucky enough to have moments still throughout the day where i realize that im breaking away from reality and rest assured im gonna fight it for as long as i can, and try to stay lucid and sane for as long as possible.

Oh, hon. .  I agree with stephaniec-- don't wait, go to the hospital now.  You're going to need help to get out of this bad headspace, and the sooner you get that help the sooner you'll be feeling better. You deserve better than this.

[Orangaline]

they are sending someone out to assess me now, but its a formality. they are going to be locking me away because i have a plan.

thanks for the kind words. hopefully this time when i  leave i wnt have to come back.

[stephaniec]

good move, get better

[Orangaline]

i got back home today, but they are thinking about sending me to a residential facility. its still being debated.

im doing better, i learned more coping skills and my psychosis is now at a manageable level, even though im gonna have to get shot every month now:/

first thing when i got home i bought two new decks of cards, and they have zombies on them.

im learni9ng to let the little things help me laern to be happy again.

[adrian]

O, thank you for checking in! Maybe getting away from your current environment will be a good thing to help you figure out what you need to do and which steps to take to become a happier person. I feel like that sometimes -- I feel almost crushed and caged in my everyday live sometimes, like I don't have breathing space and the peace and calm to just think about where I want to "go".

I hope things will improve for you!

[jeni]

Welcome back, I'm glad you're feeling better. A friend of mine spent some time at a residential place and it helped her a lot during a difficult time, so that really can be a helpful process.

[Bran]

So glad you're back and you're doing better  .  Not sure what your feelings about a residential treatment center are-- most people aren't too thrilled.  But I've known people who've been through similar circumstances and it was a good thing for them.  Especially when you're having stress with your family, being in a supportive environment where you can get the treatment you need without being constantly dragged back into family drama can really help. 

Hope things continue to look up!