Why is it hard for MtFs to find straight men who will accept them?

[antonia]

I think you are beating yourself up way more than you should, I think you are quite beautiful and you have a style that is unique to you and not afraid to express yourself the way you want which is more than can be said about most. You are right that most guys want very feminine girls, hence we put on the pantihose, heels and makeup which we then promptly tear off once we get home and this goes for all girls (most of us also fart, burp and pick our noses when nobody is watching)

I was in a long term relationship with the love of my life at the start of my transition, now we have split up largely due to me transitioning and her liking boys and not girls.
I would still transition, I would still chose this path.

Antonia, I second that.  We don't like talking about these things, but the fact is that a huge factor is just wether or not a trans woman is pretty and passable.  If you don't look the way an attractive woman "should", chances are you are going to die alone.  Sadly, not all of us can be as stunning as you are

I think another part of it is how one presents-I may look pretty good with the radical queer haircut, but not many people find it approachable/people tend to assume I only date women.  I think being exceptionally feminine is important, sadly, if you're looking to date men.  I've found that the cis men I have dated are all attracted to femininity, and I felt obligated to cross my legs a bit more tightly, and raise my voice just a bit higher than usual. Still, I can't claim to know what it feels like to be overwhelmed with attention; honestly, I'm really jealous of you.  You're absolutely right that for the most part it's just down to luck, and it just feels so unfair that so many of us will have to go through life alone because we weren't so lucky   I wonder, if we all had known just how hard it would be to find love, would we have transitioned?  I'm not so sure I would have.

[Evolving Beauty]

Since I began in 2009, I have been with thousands of men and let me share by my personal experience and of my many of other transsexual friends what MAJORITY of straight men think and have told me personally and to my friends:

This is they have been telling on the different stages...

1. Non-Passable Pre-Op: "OMG you're a man with boobs"
2. Passable Pre-Op: "You're good-looking but that d*ck down there is a major turn off"
3. Non-Passable Post-Op: "You're an 'operated' man, you're just a man with an inverted d*ck."
4. Passable Post-Op: "You're very pretty but I'm not sure cos you were a man before, your chrosomes is YY, you can't produce babies, I'm not sure if I'd do it with you or not. Oh ->-bleeped-<- it, this would make me feel gay. Sorry for all your efforts dude but to me you're still a man"

There are 3 types of straight men:
1.Liberal straight men: They accept you as you are as they view the WOMAN IN YOUR SOUL.
2.Moderate straight men: They will accept you ONLY if you are post-op
3.Strict straight men: You can be the most beautiful and passable ->-bleeped-<- in the world but to them you will be ALWAYS A MAN COS YOU BORN ONE.

Unfortunately MAJORITY of straight ARE in the category 3 type. And don't even think of telling them or either they will dump you quietly or you end up in hospital. I generally read their DEGREE of 'straightness' by their FACE, VIBES and BODY LANGUAGE. The category 3 are hyper macho and hardcore pussy-munchers, they have an aggressive alpha-male stance. The category 1 have a 'softer' and more romantic presence but of course this is very general what I am saying, they vary differently. BUT OVERALL YOU NEED TO BE SURE WHAT TYPE HE IS BEFORE YOU SPEAK OUT OR NOT. Category 1 yes, category 2 yes if you're post op, category 3 either you take the mad risk stealthing till he discovers(either he will dump you or smash you off) or simply avoid them.

[Tessa James]

EV details some of the characteristics she notes from experience.  These are further reasons why it is so difficult for us when our acceptance is up to others. 

[Devlyn]

An interesting post with some information:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,181796.msg1610784.html#msg1610784