Why Don't I Hate My Body?

[noah732]

Hello all.

I'm a heteroromantic, homosexual FTM (at least I think) and for as long as I can remember I've identified as male. I love expressing my male gender identity and feeling masculine.

What confuses me, however, is that I don't hate my body. I've heard body dysphoria described as 'enraging' or 'suffocating' but I haven't really felt this way. Subconsciously, I have always leaned forward in baggy tshirts to conceal my breasts, but I've never really despised them.

I think the female body, regardless of what gender or sexuality you have, is beautiful. Maybe this is another thing that makes it hard for me to decide. Although I identify with a male body, I find it hard to despise my female figure.

Why don't I hate my body? Maybe I'm not FTM?

[Ms Grace]

Hi Noah, don't worry it's not a prerequisite to hate your body. Plenty of trans people feel comfortable with their bits and pieces. If you identify as male then there's a good chance you aren't cis gender at the very least. Some people don't transition the whole spectrum just to where they feel comfortable. Have you spoken to a counsellor or therapist about it?

[JoanneB]

There are infinite variations and manifestations of GD just as there is an infinite number of uniquely individual ways of dealing with it. Hating, or even not liking, being in your skin is a damn good reason to change things. I never really liked my body most of my life. I never hated it, just would rather not be in it. Same for the dangly bits. I know many trans-women that practically freak out just thinking of them. Yet plenty are OK'ish. Just would rather not have them if they could.

Today, I am finally at a point where I am happy being in my own skin thanks to HRT. I wouldn't be on the dose I am if the opposite wasn't true. When I started low dose for I lost count time for that much needed brain reset, that was all I was after. But I also started working on my emotional and spiritual health as part of the process of taking on the trans-beast for real.

For over 50 years changing my body wasn't needed for me to deal with my GD. Change happens.

[David27]

I never really hated my breasts when I had them. However, the idea of having them bothered me because they weren't male. Since I've had top surgery my chest feels 100% right and I don't even remember what it was like having them 6 months ago. My feelings were more of a this isn't right vs hating them.

As for the lower bits I have similar feelings, but I haven't had surgery. If the correct step is to get bottom surgery then I will get it, but I'm in no hurry to make a decision.

I personally started on a low dose of T initially and continue to be on a slightly low dose for other health reasons. While I'd like to fast forward to all of the changes on T some days. I'm very happy that I didn't as transition is a process rather than a destination.

I would recommend getting a therapist and taking small steps if you think transition is correct for you. The first step maybe presenting in male clothes and getting a male haircut.

[synesthetic]

as others have said, you don't have to hate your body to be trans! getting a therapist would definitely be a step in the right direction, but not a requirement. they could help you learn more about who you are and who you want to become!

for some people, dysphoria can feel suffocating, like it's enveloping them - BUT everyone experiences dysphoria differently, in different frequencies and in different levels of severity. some people feel mild dysphoria on occasion, some people feel severe dysphoria constantly, some people get bursts of awful dysphoria from time to time.. everyone is different. regardless of your feelings towards your body, if you feel like a boy, you are a boy.

[kelly_aus]

Beyond the simple knowledge that it wasn't right, my body has never been a major issue or source of hate for me. How I was perceived by the world was always my issue. Yeah, I know the 2 are related, but it never quite worked that way for me.. Transition didn't leave me with the most feminine appearances, but it did help shift peoples perceptions.. 

[Elsa Delyth]

I wouldn't worry about qualifying as anything. Be what you feel. I don't exactly hate my body, I care more about people's perceptions of me, and would like their perceptions to better fall in line with my own perception. It makes me feel inauthentic otherwise -- but that is really the extent of my dysphoria, and I don't care what that makes me.

[Rachel]

You may want to discuss how you feel with a gender therapist.

My therapist is FAAB but dresses male has a male haircut but uses her female name. She is awesome as a therapist and comfortable in her own skin.

My trainer is variant and has a neutral name and has had her breasts removed. My trainer is 57 and is in fantastic condition and does Spartan challenges and marathons uphill while going though obstacles. My trainer is very muscular. I have seen her on the battle ropes and it is amazing. My trainer dresses in leotards and tights under a gym dress and wears a lot of jewelry and had her belly button pierced and has very short hair (bright red with a cris cross pattern).

There is no rule or expectations. Being who you are and expressing as it makes you feel comfortable is a goal.