Are you tired of the question?

[Mikaela]

Seriously, Christmas is over. I have seen everyone in my family who is important. First time as a girl and one question has gotten old. Not the physical questions, those I just divert.

The question on everyone's mind is...

Why did you 'chose' to be a girl?
Really?
Chose?
I fought this long and hard for decades, this was not a choice. They see that I am happy. They see that I am comfortable. Some even know of the struggle.

So, why? Why would anyone think that this is a choice?
Has anyone else experienced this?

[Cindy]

I shall give a reply. I was doing a radio interview and the presenter asked me, live, 'when did I decide to be female?' I didn't even pause ' I was born female, I was misgendered due to external birth defects'. There was a 30 second pause on live radio - almost unprecedented - he then apologised.

I try very hard to use every insult, every unfeeling comment to advance how young transgender people are treated. I will not allow any child to be treated as I was treated. It gives me strength.

If I may be so bold, use those questions, those doubts to fight back, to advance, not just for yourself, but for our transchildren.

Hugs

[Zoetrope]

Cindy - cleverly put!

Mikaela - I admire that you've made it as far as you have with family. I somehow doubt mine will come around.


I get asked 'the question' by people occasionally, as I guess we all do.

But yeah, often when people ask, it isn't out of malice. It's genuine curiosity.

A good example is the young boys living across the road from me. They are all 12 or under. For a few weeks they followed me up and down the hill on their pushbikes, demanding to know what genitals I had. Bless them :~D


One of the older ones in the group asked me 'the question' a few weeks back.

I thought about it for a minute, then asked him in response - 'Put it this way, you've probably always felt like a guy, right?'

He thought about that for a moment, then nodded.

I said, 'Well ... I never really had that'.


That got the message across. They seem to respect me now, which is so much more than I expect from young boys meeting a TS for the first time ...


Peace!

[Mikaela]

Great responses. Thank you.

Funny thing is, if asked now, I would 'chose' female.Hard to believe that, less than a year ago, I would have chosen death to this. I just wanted to be normal. Now I know that is just not possible, or even preferable.

Rocket, "I didn't ask to get made."

Yet here we all are.

[suzifrommd]

I like this question. It gives me a chance to educate people about what being transgender is and what it isn't. I can explain about gender identity and dysphoria.

Yes, I know educating people is tedious, but if we don't do it, someone else will do it and get it wrong.

The alternative is people believing that you haven't transitioned until your surgery, that we're doing it for sexual kicks, that we're all bleeding heart radicals, etc.

Yes, it would be better if everyone understands that this is something we need to do to be who we are, but people aren't born knowing that. They'll only know that if someone explains it to them.

[Pinkkatie]

No, that never happened when I was with my family on Christmas. They never questioned me at all, but I wish they would have. The kept calling me by my old name even after I corrected them. They used male pronouns, even after I corrected them. It would have been nice if they asked me why instead of just ignoring me. I couldn't stand being there and left after about four or five hours there.

[Foxglove]

So, why? Why would anyone think that this is a choice?
Has anyone else experienced this?

It's hard to know what cispeople are thinking.  We can't read their minds.  But I personally pay a lot of attention to the things they say because I'm genuinely curious about what's going on in their minds.

One thing, I believe, is this: very few cispeople really cop on to the fact that trans is simply another way of being.  They believe that at bottom we're just as cisgender as they are.  It's just that something went wrong.  Deal with that and we'd be cis just like them.

One thing that could go wrong is that for some crazy reason we "chose" to be trans.  Exactly why, who knows?  Some of them might hazard a guess, some might not.  Some might be hostile to us (by calling us mentally ill, perverts, etc.), some will be friendly enough, just baffled as to why anybody would choose to be something as weird as transgender.

It's hard for them to see that trans is our nature.  It's what we are and it's not going to change.  As far as I can see, we just keep repeating it and one by one they'll cop on.

[Ms Grace]

The thing is that people see us "become" the other gender, that's what the trans(ition) means after all. We journey, we change. What they fount understand is that we are journeying home, we are changing into our true self. If we "choose" anything it is to stop living the lie that has straighjacketed us since we popped into the world and the doctor or midwife looked at our genitals and declared "it's a..."

[ThePhoenix]

I shall give a reply. I was doing a radio interview and the presenter asked me, live, 'when did I decide to be female?' I didn't even pause ' I was born female, I was misgendered due to external birth defects'. There was a 30 second pause on live radio - almost unprecedented - he then apologised.

I try very hard to use every insult, every unfeeling comment to advance how young transgender people are treated. I will not allow any child to be treated as I was treated. It gives me strength.

If I may be so bold, use those questions, those doubts to fight back, to advance, not just for yourself, but for our transchildren.

I have two standard answers to that question.  One is that I was born as a girl, but with a fabulous disguise.  Then I may go on to explain that I did not transition to become something I wasn't.  I transitioned to help other people see who I already was. 

My second explanation is that I actually really wish I had been born a boy.  It would have avoided all the transition stuff and made my life much simpler. 

Which one I use depends on the setting and what I'm trying to accomplish.  Kudos to you for doing the radio program.  I DETEST the press.  I give speeches, but I refuse all interview requests.

[Ms Grace]

I DETEST the press.  I give speeches, but I refuse all interview requests.

Yes, the media can be manipulative, exploitive, sensationalist, but a lot of it is their own ignorance as much as prejudice. Live interviews are particularly fraught as they can throw some real zingers even if they are supportive.

[ThePhoenix]

Yes, the media can be manipulative, exploitive, sensationalist, but a lot of it is their own ignorance as much as prejudice. Live interviews are particularly fraught as they can throw some real zingers even if they are supportive.

Yes.  But in my case it's more about the fact that I'm unemployed (due to being trans*) and publicity about being trans* will only make it harder to get a job.  Plus I'm generally neurotic about attention personally.  I am a very reluctant activist.  I do what I do because I need a reason to get out of bed in the morning and keep on living.  This is what keeps me from falling into a deep dark depression.  The last thing I want is news clippings or recordings or things on my mantle that remind me of how bad my life is now and how I'm just trying to survive. 

So . . . I've had reporters ask to follow me around and report on what I'm doing, but I have never allowed anyone to do it.  I have been offered various awards, but I've turned them all down.  I have a high enough profile to be uncomfortable and I've given a lot.  But there are limits to what everyone can give.  And the publicity associated with going and educating about these questions in the media is something I don't want. 

But knowing how I feel about it makes me admire people like Cindy who are willing to put up with the media all the more.  So bravo! 

[Tori]

I did choose to live as female.

It is just semantics so I can see the question being an annoyance if you do not feel you made the choice.

I did not choose to be trans* but the choice to transition is one of the things I am proudest of.

[TamarasWay]

I think the question of choice is a good one.  Many would argue that "we had no choice".  Depending on what those choices were, I might agree.  I suppose that if the choice was "transition or die", I am not so sure I would consider that a choice, at least a rational one.

On the other hand consider the "choice" of soldier who throws himself onto a live grenade to save his mates.  Is that a rational "choice"?

[kelly_aus]

I think the question of choice is a good one.  Many would argue that "we had no choice".  Depending on what those choices were, I might agree.  I suppose that if the choice was "transition or die", I am not so sure I would consider that a choice, at least a rational one.

On the other hand consider the "choice" of soldier who throws himself onto a live grenade to save his mates.  Is that a rational "choice"?

The semantics of 'choice' can get very interesting around here..

[BunnyBee]

I don't tire of it because it's an opportunity to educate somebody that doesn't get it.  Everybody gets to ask that question once.

[Newgirl Dani]

Aside from all of the above, these words come to mind.

Uprising by Muse

They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious

Ummm, not words to generate negative, but just shows hope for all.   Dani

[Rachel]

My sister asked if I am sure I want to be a female. She said she had spent her day in the hair salon getting her hair cut and colored and getting a mani/peti. I said I was born female gendered and I am your sister. After a pause she said she always wanted a sister and offered to take me out to get cloths and my hair done.

My wife asked why I want to be a female and I said I was born that way.

A coworker (female) asked  why I am choosing to be female then stated if she had a choice she would want to be male. I said I was born female gendered and it is not a choice.

Cis people have questions and one of them  is why I chose to be female. The other is to assume I like guys. I tell them I like both. At least it answers their questions an it gives them something to think about. I do not mind an actually I think it helps to get it out and into the open.