ftm grand daughter

[gramma g]

Hi
I am Gramma G, I am a 55 year old woman with two grown son's 37 and 33, and 5 amazing grandchildren ages 2 to 13. Yesterday morning I was awakened with a frantic banging on my door and there stood my son. "Mom. I need a ride to the hospital".. on the frantic ride in, I learned my beautiful 13 year old grand daughter had tried to commit suicide by drinking bleach..  she has always been very shy and withdrawn, but I couldn't wrap my head around this, he then told me a year ago, she had came to them and told them she was a boy, At home they refer to her as he and their son, and he said that she has been so much happier.. after everyone had left the house, she had decided that today was the day she wouldn't back out like she had before. but thank god, she did and called 911 herself..the day was spent in a blur of dr.s and mental health people and psychiatrists. there is no permanent damage and is now home.. my love is unconditional and I will support them all anyway I can. but I cant help but feel a terrible loss and feel I am being selfish to want to keep my little girl, my first grand daughter. I know this is all so new to me and will take time to understand it all. ! This is the first place I have reached out to too help learn what I need to too be as supportive as I can to my new grandson, he is very fortunate to have a loving non judgemental family, as I have read not all are as fortunate. I look forward to meeting new friends here, thank you

[Cindy]

My dear gramma g,

Welcome to our community.

Congratulations on having a beautiful grandson who will bless the world with his presence.

Many, but not all members here are transgender, there is also a goodly number of SO, and many crossdressers for whom this site is home and support.

Being transgender is not a choice, it is almost certainly biological in nature due possibly in mutations of the over 50 genes we all have that determine gender. No one asks to be transgender, many wish they were not as our lives would have been so much easier. But we are, and we cannot change it, there is a 'cure' hormonal and (if desired) surgical reassignment. Many of us then live normal happy lives.

In my youth transgender was not recognised and transgender kids went through a special kind of Hell with parents who at best did not understand, at worse totally rejected us.

Now thank God many parents are supportive of their transgender child, and I am blessed to work with several families who have transgender children. These children are very special, as are their parents. They teach us what love really means, what being a parent really means.

It is important for your Son and his partner to know that they have the love and support of their family, it is important for your grandson to have a grandma who loves him and treats him as a normal, if very special, boy.

That your grandson selfharmed is a worry and I do hope that he is receiving appropriate medical care to allow his transition from his female body to that of a young man.

Sadly too many of my community end their lives in despair from non-acceptance. Too many have substance abuse to try and deal with their agony. It is the love of family and friends that can help us overcome this.

Don't grieve for the loss of a granddaughter, rejoice for having been given the opportunity to love, help and enjoy the life of a very special boy: your Grandson.

My Love

Cindy

[gramma g]

Thank you cindy
yes, my grandson will be getting professional help for his anxiety and depression. although a terrifying thing he went through, he will now get the help he needs. unfortunately we live in a very small town, and it is hard to find anyone experienced with what he needs ..but he is surrounded by love and will never feel he is in this alone again. even my 78 year old mom, who I was afraid wouldn't understand, said its who he was born to be and she would love to have a new great grandson. its times like this when I see how truly blessed I am! 

[adrian]

Hello gramma 🙂 Welcome! I'm sorry for what happened to your grandson and I'm very very happy that he is still with us.

Thank you for joining this community in support of your grandson.

I just want to say, I think it is very normal for you to go through a process of grieving. It's OK and you're entitled to having these feelings! I'm an ftm in my late thirties who only recently figured out that he's trans*. Even I experienced grief when I realized that the girl I thought I once was never really existed. It hurt to let her go! But the thing is, in exchange for your granddaughter you'll get a grandson who will be like her, only much happier. He will still be the wonderful person you got to know in those past thirteen years.

Hugs!

[gramma g]

Thank you Adrian
I already feel this will is a great place for me to learn how to help him in his transition.

[Cindy]

It is really quite simple. He is a boy who was born with a vagina, I'm a woman who was born with a penis. Some people are born with a cleft lip, some with a disability. They are still normal men and women who need a bit of medical help to deal with birth issues.

People born with a disability don't like jokes and non-acceptance, they should be treated as normal people who need a bit of help.

Transgender people are the same, they should be treated as normal people who need a bit of help.

[Devlyn]

Hi Gramma G, welcome to Susan's Place! Glad everything is OK. If you need help with anything around the site, don't hesitate to ask. There's a ton of information here, sometimes you need to know where to look.  I usually start in the Wiki, here's a link to the Family & Friends section: https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Family_and_friends  Thanks for reaching out to us, and I'll see you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Ms Grace]

Hi Gramma G, welcome to Susan's! I'm so, so glad your grandson is alive and well.

I know many parents feel they have lost a son or a daughter and that grandparents likewise feel that loss. When I came out to my parents my mother's comment was that "I have two daughters now", which was touching but I added, "you always have." She smiled and nodded. It took her a few months but I feel she is now truly sees me as her daughter. Out of all my family members she is the one who has tried the hardest to make that connection. My father still wants to see me as his "son", my sister hasn't really embraced me as her sister. I guess what I'm trying to say is that family members place a lot of emphasis on the gender designation of their sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, etc. At the heart of it all though, they are a child, a grand child, a parent, a sibling, kin, family, a person.

My best wishes to you and your grandson. 🙂

[AbeLane]

I just want to say that you are an AMAZING grandma for coming here to learn how you can be more supportive of your grandson. Just let him know that you love him and accept him.

[Ferretty]

You are now second on my list of coolest grandma's  but seriously you are awesome for trying to be supportive and loving of your grandson.

[gramma g]

Thank you all for your kind words and support. My Grandson is doing great and is so much happier now that he has a ton of support.! He starts therapy Jan. 15 for his anxiety and depression and has been thinking of Leo for his new name. I love it! and it suits him!. but not definite yet..
As a bisexual female, I know what it feels like to grow up not feeling "quite right" in my own skin. now I feel I have the best of both worlds.! And 6 years ago I reconnected with my childhood sweetheart. and he informed me he was HIV positive. I love unconditionally and jumped in with both feet and couldn't be happier.! I love with my heart. not my eyes!!
when "she" was 6 or 7, "her" room was redone in princess pink stripes and pretty stuff. "she" loved it. when they came for Christmas this year,  I told him we would redo his room and get rid of the princess pink. He said." oh thank you Gramma. I want a manly mans room".  It made me laugh! He is an amazing artist and I told him I want to create a room around his art. he rarely shows his stuff as he doesn't think he's good enough, but now that he is coming out of his shell, I think he will see just how frickin awesome he really is in every way!!, I too am an artist, so we will work on it together. I am so looking forward to it!
love to all
Gramma G