Can't do it...

[Elsa Delyth]

I'd hang out with you if you lived nearby, as long as I have the time. I'm always interested in meeting people and making friends.

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me. I wish that we were close, you seem really cool from what I see of you around. Thank you.

[Elsa Delyth]

Before I was full time I found a well known support group in my area that was a fair distance away from me; every night they met I faced a nightmare of heavy traffic to get to the meetings. I was like you Elsa - I wanted to meet some people but I was early in my transition, and I was very shy and didn't really speak much during the few meetings I went to. The group meetings were exactly as ZumbaGirl described - horror stories and struggles. After awhile I quit going to that meeting; I sympathized with the people having the struggles but I didn't seem to have much in common with them and I was getting nothing out of being there.

Good groups are out there; I did find another group later that had a completely different approach - they were much more of a true support group than the previous group was, but by then I had started to form my own group of friends and didn't really need to go to group meetings any longer for support.

You'll never know what the group is like unless you go. No one is going to make you stand up and talk, and no one is going to single you out and embarrass you. Many of the people there are going to be fighting the exact same feelings that you are; and everyone there has had to endure being there the first time and they will know as a new visitor exactly what you are feeling. You should be among people that are going to be welcoming and nice to you if the group is working as it should.

With that said I also understand the fear that has you paralyzed - perhaps you can skip this meeting and use the time to regroup, and then you can resolve to go to the next one?

I do dread the horror stories, especially since most of the struggles I hear about make my own seem insignificant. Even with my mother, and her reaction, it is really just dramatized, and based on reactions that she thinks are appropriate, or one ought to behave like in that situation, and not based on her true feelings. Deep down I know that she respects me, and doesn't think poorly of me -- and even more importantly, takes me seriously. Both of my parents take me seriously, and that is something I take for granted.

I mostly have struggled with crushing loneliness, and having been alone for most of my life, and fear that people have difficulty relating to me. I feel like I can relate to most anyone, but feel like others see me as strange, or difficult to understand.

[Elsa Delyth]

I think that support groups can be a good learning experience though and many people should at least try it. There are lots of frightened and deeply closeted people who don't know what to do. It doesn't hurt to experience it. It will either toughen ones resolve or send them deeper into the closet.

I really really do want to go, and join the community. I want to get friends, and have good relationships. It is all that I feel like my life lacks.

[Elsa Delyth]

I always found that I felt the worst when I felt like I wasn't making any progress, so it could make you feel better to just do SOMETHING., even if it wasn't actually that helpful, you would feel like you moved forward in some way, even if only to conquer a fear and prove to yourself how serious you are about going through with all this.  That can help.

That being said, I never went to a support group and I was fine without it.  Idk if it would have helped or not, but prob not.  So don't feel bad that you didn't go, but please do set small goals for yourself, little baby steps that you can accomplish and feel like you're making some progress.  Maybe even try to go to the group next time.   It could be ok to just sit and listen.

Yeah, that is really good advice. A lot of why I didn't want to go was because I had been depressed for a couple of weeks, and wasn't keeping my hygiene up, frankly. I had been shaving and moisturizing everything, and keep really clean, and shopping for cloths, and practicing for make-up and voice training, but then I hadn't done any of that, and didn't feel presentable, or the ambition to spend three hours grooming.

I feel much better now though, I am exercising again, and going to start the regiment up again, and get back to practicing with my make-up and voice training.

I'm going to try to be ready, and confident for the next one.

[Elsa Delyth]

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." ― Suzy Kassem


I wanted to throw that out there because it's true.Progress in my transition didn't come in gigantic drowning waves. It came in tiny baby steps, one at a time, that when I finally dared to look back over my shoulder, I realized how far the sum of those steps had taken me.

You don't have to go this time but if you want to move forward, you're going to have to be brave, take risks and chances, and try. And don't worry. We'll be here and we've got your back.

I completely agree -- and thank you so much! I have to understand that things take time, and process doesn't happen over night. I can't get demotivated, or be such a slave to circumstance. Gotta have faith in myself, and faith in others.

Thanks for inspiring some more faith in this beautiful online community.