So frustrated! Unsupportive/phobic parent

[Rawb]

My dad is being such an ass. He only accepted my being trans because my sister told him it was 'mental health thing'. And he's being super unsupportive. He calls me "mom" to my kids, and I just recently got them used to calling me dad. And when I correct him, "Dad, not Mom", he rolls his eyes. He calls me "girl" all the time, and thinks that I'm deluded and is really not just unsupportive, but damaging. He's homophobic, transphobic and sexist. When he comes to visit, he complains about the mess, talks about how hard it would be to keep the place clean with my two little kids running around, but refuses to do anything to help and actually makes it worse by leaving dishes at the couch and stuff out at the table, because he views it as womens work, and me as a woman.

He's nearing the end of a three week visit and I'm so angry at him, I just want to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. He's driving me crazy.

I've tried talking to him about it but he rolls his eyes, calls me names (freak, idiot, says that I'm "not right in the head"). I tried reverse tactics on him, saying that if he calls me "Mom" to my kids, I'm going to start referring to him as "Grandma", which doesn't work either and he makes a joke out of it.

I'm at my wits end, and honestly so tired of dealing with my Father, a 56-year-old man, acting like a cocky bigoted teenager.

[2fish]

  He's doing this at Your House...Yeah, I'd take his stuff, put it on the front lawn and show him the door. No one should treat anyone like that. It's not nice.

[AbeLane]

I'm sorry your dad is being so un-supportive. That really sucks, especially in your own house. The only thing I can think to say is just be glad that his visit is nearing its end.

-hugs- hang in there!

[JayDawg]

Wow, I am so sorry you're going through that. My folks have been here for 2 weeks to help me after top surgery, and Dad is pretty bad at remembering to call me Jay and use male pronouns, but he tries. He has gotten better about it while they're here, anyway.

If he was acting like your Dad, I'd have told him to GTFO and go stay in a hotel until the return flight. When I decided to transition, it was with the knowledge that anyone giving me crap about it was no longer in my life. Thankfully, everyone has been cool with it and supportive. I was prepared to lose at least half my friends and family and really glad I didn't need to.

I hope when he's gone, you can spend some time with ultra-supportive friends that use your name and pronouns correctly and get back to your comfortable zone quickly.

[Polo]

Tell him that he's not welcome back until he can treat you with respect.

[Jill F]

I agree.  Throw him out.  I would not tolerate that kind of abuse, especially in my own house.  He apparently needs to learn the hard way.

Hugs,
Jill

[Alexthecat]

If he loves his grandkids then don't let him see them till he gets his act together. That might shake some sense into him.

[adrian]

Wow, this is horrible. It doesn't sound as if talking to him will achieve anything. If you can, ask him to leave. If you have to stick it out, try to minimize the time you and the kids spend with him.

[LatrellHK]

I agree with everyone else and say tell him he's welcome when he learns to show some respect. I already told my family and say they can call me by my name and she all they want while I'm living here. They are also aware that the more the do, the longer I won't speak to them until they get it right. Harsh? Yes. But does it work? Sorta. Just be harsh and if your dad wants to act like a child, at your home, so can you in forms of refusal to see and speak.

[Rawb]

I'm pretty much hiding out, not engaging him in conversation. I'm just trying to ignore him and focus instead on good things, like, I have my appointment to get the physical and the perscription for T on Jan 6th and recently secured a drive to said appointment by a friend of mine.

My dad is literally the ONLY person who's being a jerk about me being trans, and as much as I try not to care, it's so hard not to, because he's my Dad and he's the only parent I have left.