Hard time passing .FFS advice needed

[Oneworld]

  Everyone .Wish you all well .It take me a lot to post a topic here .I'm not an English speaker ,I try hard to express myself  .but please excuse me and be kind to me.You can call me Miss "O".I originally from China,but I have been living in oversea a few years .I'm 25 years old MTF Transgender.I came out on 2012,I was part time dress up and start took hormones.I stopped my hormones on 2013.The reason i stopped is the side-effect-ion was changed me too much .....Before my hormones i was only 60kg (132lbs) ,a year later after i took hormones , i gained weight to 82kgs(182lbs),and i start have very serious acne in my forehead,I never had acne issue before my hormones ,not only that,The hormones increased my depression,Often time i almost killed by the depression.I tried to see my dr,but she is too busy ,i need to make an appt 2 months ahead to see her.I just can't keep up,so i totally give up my hormones.The acne issue and depression are much better ,but i already gained weight...look at the mirror,I'm so fat now,the only good thing i can count is i develop a little boobs,I'm happy and after i stopped my hormones,It did not shrink ,my boobs maintained the same site.
  This year,I moved again and relocated in somewhere,and i decided to live full time as a women few month back. I started letting my hair grow ,and dress as women full time.Here is my hardship.I'm tall 5'11.okay,I know there are many tall women,but for Asian women,that's just unusual,and other thing is my feet is large,my shoes site in US is 12 and China site is 43，but I guess this is not a major issue ,as the first thing people to notes me is not my feet , It was my face....well.Do i have a feminine face? I guess is no,not only to do with my voice....but my face just not feminine enough to help me pass as a women ,even i'm fully dress up going to street ,Everyone is going to call me "sir" I never be refer as a female...I really hate when i walking pass the street or super market the people stare at me and whispering about me.My just just not pass as a women ,to make it simple.I did not use make up often,at this stage make up didn't help me much.
   I'm not back to hormones yet and will not  till i found a doctor discuss more detail ,I just can't afford get any bigger,I'm already too fat .
   At the moment ,I still letting my hair grow and i'm not going to cut my hair anymore ,I decide to have FFS,I have no idea abut my face ,therefore i share some photo of me ,all people please kindly advise,if i want to pass,which part of my face need to be fixed
  I know most people are kind here ,could you help me:1. which part of my face need go through FFS to be a women .2.How can i help for my 5'11 high and my large feet as i'm a Asian .3 what you did  against the hormones gain weight on you ?
  I'm open for all advise ,all advise appreciated ,My English is bad but i kindly wish everyone the best.
                              Miss O
   
PS: I can't upload any pics .I updated my pictures on different view /please click the link to see my blog    http://oceanawaters.blogspot.co.nz/
 

[kelly_aus]

20kg in weight gain? That's not all hormones. Well, it might be if you haven't modified your diet and exercise routines. If I hadn't lowered my calorie intake to match the change in my metabolism, I'd probably have gained a lot of weight too. Acne can be an issue, it's also one that can be dealt with, for the most part, fairly simply. It may even be related your skin care routine is..

Why do people always assume the problem is with their looks? There's more to 'passing' than just looks.. For example, I got clocked at a wedding recently.. Not for my masculine looks or my large trachea.. It was the way I was standing - I was standing like a man.. There's more the package than just looks.

[Oneworld]

20kg in weight gain? That's not all hormones. Well, it might be if you haven't modified your diet and exercise routines. If I hadn't lowered my calorie intake to match the change in my metabolism, I'd probably have gained a lot of weight too. Acne can be an issue, it's also one that can be dealt with, for the most part, fairly simply. It may even be related your skin care routine is..

Why do people always assume the problem is with their looks? There's more to 'passing' than just looks.. For example, I got clocked at a wedding recently.. Not for my masculine looks or my large trachea.. It was the way I was standing - I was standing like a man.. There's more the package than just looks.

Dear kelly :
   Thank you being the first person to replied.The hormones did made me hungry easily and made me eat like a horse ,you are right i didn't carefully watch what i eat and i didn't exercise at all .because the depression just made me stay at my room and felt down all day long.  right now i working on diet and push myself to do some walking exercise.I hope that is not too late
   The way speaking and acting also is part of it ,but most importance is the appearance.this is the first thing people notes about a person.
   Thank you share your personal story with me ,Do you have hard time to pass or you pass most of time ?

[kelly_aus]

   The way speaking and acting also is part of it ,but most importance is the appearance.this is the first thing people notes about a person.
   Thank you share your personal story with me ,Do you have hard time to pass or you pass most of time ?

While certainly partially true, looks are not everything.. Seriously, they are not.. I have a masculine body, semi-masculine face and a whole swag of other male markers.. But I pass, and it took making some enquiries with new friends to find out how and why.. Turns out it's very simple - my body language and mannerisms are almost entirely female, not feminine (which a man can do), but wholly female.. This covers everything from the way you walk, the way you look at things, pick things up.. Sit down.. Hell, move at all..

How do you move around? Do you move with grace and confidence? Or do you scurry around looking nervous? Looking nervous will get you clocked.. Confidence goes a long way..

Here's a tip.. If you don't think you pass, you never will.. Because you won't have any confidence in your identity.

Look, I'm not saying don't have surgery, but before I put myself through major surgery and all the risks that come with it, I'd want to know that I'd eliminated all the other possibilities..

[Oneworld]

While certainly partially true, looks are not everything.. Seriously, they are not.. I have a masculine body, semi-masculine face and a whole swag of other male markers.. But I pass, and it took making some enquiries with new friends to find out how and why.. Turns out it's very simple - my body language and mannerisms are almost entirely female, not feminine (which a man can do), but wholly female.. This covers everything from the way you walk, the way you look at things, pick things up.. Sit down.. Hell, move at all..

How do you move around? Do you move with grace and confidence? Or do you scurry around looking nervous? Looking nervous will get you clocked.. Confidence goes a long way..

Here's a tip.. If you don't think you pass, you never will.. Because you won't have any confidence in your identity.

Look, I'm not saying don't have surgery, but before I put myself through major surgery and all the risks that come with it, I'd want to know that I'd eliminated all the other possibilities..

Kelly ,what helps you pass as female ???Have anyone trained you or you find you own way to act as a women?I have to put some work on my body language and mannerism? and any comment on my pictures ?

[kelly_aus]

A little people watching.. But mostly just doing what my natural instincts tell me..

[michelle82]

Oneworld,

From looking at your pics, it seems that your hairline and brow region are already in the female range. Be fortunate for that!

I would probably prioritize nose, jaw and chin if I were you. Also don't forget removing that facial hair if it isn't already gone. That goes a long way in passing!

[Oneworld]

Oneworld,

From looking at your pics, it seems that your hairline and brow region are already in the female range. Be fortunate for that!

I would probably prioritize nose, jaw and chin if I were you. Also don't forget removing that facial hair if it isn't already gone. That goes a long way in passing!

Thank you for u advising ...Michelle

[Oneworld]

more advise needed .

[Leila]

Hello O

I am Asian too (overseas Chinese). I have seen your photos, and they do look bordering on androgynous. What tipped those image towards male for me was actually the brow shape, facial hair and the hair styling. Your brows need to be plucked into a more feminine shape and your hair cut and styled too. If you haven't already yet, you may also want to consider starting electrolysis or laser hair removal for the facial hair.

You have minimal brow bossing, less than me, so I think you may get away without needing it. It may be easier to judge the chin and jaw once you lose some weight.

Controlling what types of food you eat can stave of hunger better. I started off about 76 kg and now am closer to 65 kg by controlling what I ate.

Height can draw attention to you. I recently discovered this as a problem when I was in Hong Kong. Women are generally very short there, so as a tall Chinese woman you stand out a lot. In UK I am about average height for a woman and nobody gives me a second look. What I can say is that if you want to be gendered as female even if you are tall, is that you need to provide the visual and audio cues for them to believe it.

[Hannahh]

Hi Miss O

about your third question :
what do you "want", wish, need to hide with your weight ? and probably unconsciously...but it would be good this become consciously (I know not easy, but possible, I assure you).
Second way is what do you really want in your life ? when you know, stop to wish it, just do it, one step every day, not every steps.
These two questions are for myself the most important because with these answers, you can lost weight easier, and definitely (until you change your goal, of course)
After, like you seem to say it, you compensate with food... because of depression... so it is the sense of my two first comments.
Maybe an hormonal disorder and then you can get weight disorder. But, often, the body disorder are linked to the mind disorder and mind can resolve too hormonal disorder in my opinion.
Change now your food habit : regular hour to eat, good and health food : and the target is today, not your whole weight you want to loose. Be patient.
I think your face have female qualities. Hard to me to tell you what you have to change.
Take care of yourself... so, love yourself, it is probably a real good start,
Hannah

[Oneworld]

Hello O

I am Asian too (overseas Chinese). I have seen your photos, and they do look bordering on androgynous. What tipped those image towards male for me was actually the brow shape, facial hair and the hair styling. Your brows need to be plucked into a more feminine shape and your hair cut and styled too. If you haven't already yet, you may also want to consider starting electrolysis or laser hair removal for the facial hair.

You have minimal brow bossing, less than me, so I think you may get away without needing it. It may be easier to judge the chin and jaw once you lose some weight.

Controlling what types of food you eat can stave of hunger better. I started off about 76 kg and now am closer to 65 kg by controlling what I ate.

Height can draw attention to you. I recently discovered this as a problem when I was in Hong Kong. Women are generally very short there, so as a tall Chinese woman you stand out a lot. In UK I am about average height for a woman and nobody gives me a second look. What I can say is that if you want to be gendered as female even if you are tall, is that you need to provide the visual and audio cues for them to believe it.

Dear Leila,Glad to seen other Asian lady in the forums，You are Chinese too ,That make us more closer! Thank you for your comment .Thank you for you pointed  out what my issues was .Well .Actually i just got my eye brown shaped yesterday,I think i may need go back to fix it again,and yes .I haven't cut my hair about 3 months ,and i will stop going to the damn barber shop .i need looking for someone could design a female styling and cut for me ,Speaking of facial hair removal .thanks ,dear .That's a really good point.I will do it ASAP...Thank you and Michelle reminded me that.I do realized facial hair removal help pass a lot.

I think is not too late ,I already start watch what i eat and how much i eat ....and force myself take walk everyday. I was impressed that you lose weight  i think i could do the same  by careful what i eat.

About high .Yes .I totally agree with you ,In Asia ,my height draw a lot of attentions,luckily I'm oversea too . How did you handle this issuse while you in HK ? As you states ,Do you have any tips for the visual and  audio for a tall women ? or i am still very new ...willing to learn.
   
and also do you you think big foot is a issue ?
Thank you for your kindly help,Leila .my dear friend ,Take care and be well
  Hugs

                       Miss O

[April_TO]

Hello Ms. O,

Judging from your pic, you look very good except for the ones the other ladies pointed out like your brows and hair which will require a few adjustments. Don't be too harsh on yourself. It is a work in progress and it takes a lot of practice to nail it.

As what Leila and Kelly said, it's the whole package that will make a difference. Your moves and mannerisms.

Observe woman on the subway, work place, talk. I also noticed that women tend to bat their lashes more often than men which is an interesting discovery I found while watching youtube videos.

Stay beautiful Btw, I am Asian too.

Hugs,

April

[Leila]

Well .Actually i just got my eye brown shaped yesterday,I think i may need go back to fix it again,and yes .I haven't cut my hair about 3 months ,and i will stop going to the damn barber shop .i need looking for someone could design a female styling and cut for me

Yes! Please stop going to the men's barber shop for a haircut, especially if you want to look female. I haven't cut my hair in over three years from when it was chin length. It is quite long now.

About high .Yes .I totally agree with you ,In Asia ,my height draw a lot of attentions,luckily I'm oversea too . How did you handle this issuse while you in HK ? As you states ,Do you have any tips for the visual and  audio for a tall women ? or i am still very new ...willing to learn.

I don't know which part of China you are from, but there are parts of China where people in general are quite tall, just not the south it seems.

The thing is, I was in Singapore before visiting Hong Kong and there I was largely ignored with respect to my height. I think the difference in Singapore and HK was that I was wearing many layers of unisex clothes in HK. It is winter in HK and thus it was less obvious that I had a bust, a waist and hips under all the layers ( but I still had a fem looking face and hair); whereas in Singapore it was very hot and humid, so I wore less but crucially form fitting female clothes. In fact in one incident I was mis-gendered in Singapore, but that was because I wore baggy clothes and had at that moment slipped back to a lower pitched voice; so it all goes down to audio and visual cues as I mentioned before. When I was in Hong Kong I largely ignored the fact that people were mis-gendering me. It wasn't their fault I wasn't giving them the visual cues they needed to decide.

and also do you you think big foot is a issue ?

I think as someone mentioned in another thread, other people don't tend to look at feet first before deciding on gender. The only trouble with bigger feet is finding the size in the style you want may be limited, however in the age of internet shopping even this becoming less of an issue.

[ImagineKate]

Hi Oneworld!

I am of the belief that everyone can pass with some effort. I looked at your pics and I think the biggest thing working against you is that upper lip shadow. Have you done any hair removal on your face? Laser or electrolysis?

The eyebrows could definitely use some work as well.

[Jaz650]

I strongly recommend hair removal, second new hairstyle, finally eyebrows. Those are all non surgical. See a dermatologist about the acne, or any physician. I'm using retin a micro. Skin care is important, as well as weight loss. Finally speak to a doctor about the hormones. They're important for my wellbeing. God bless you dear!

[Oneworld]

Hello Ms. O,

Judging from your pic, you look very good except for the ones the other ladies pointed out like your brows and hair which will require a few adjustments. Don't be too harsh on yourself. It is a work in progress and it takes a lot of practice to nail it.

As what Leila and Kelly said, it's the whole package that will make a difference. Your moves and mannerisms.

Observe woman on the subway, work place, talk. I also noticed that women tend to bat their lashes more often than men which is an interesting discovery I found while watching youtube videos.

Stay beautiful Btw, I am Asian too.

Hugs,

April

Dear April :
  wow,other Asian girl .you looks so good .the notes had been taken .thank you for comment ,You are so kind
   hugs

[Oneworld]

Hi Oneworld!

I am of the belief that everyone can pass with some effort. I looked at your pics and I think the biggest thing working against you is that upper lip shadow. Have you done any hair removal on your face? Laser or electrolysis?

The eyebrows could definitely use some work as well.

Dear Friend :
    Thank you for you advise ...yes .I have not done any of laser or electrolysis.I just shave every morning ,That is not enough ,no matter how hard i shave .i can always see the shadow on my upper lip.I concerned about this ,i will start looking for a laser now

   Yes ,i just fix my eyebrow yesterday after read all of the advise .

   Thank you so much ,wish you well

[Oneworld]

I strongly recommend hair removal, second new hairstyle, finally eyebrows. Those are all non surgical. See a dermatologist about the acne, or any physician. I'm using retin a micro. Skin care is important, as well as weight loss. Finally speak to a doctor about the hormones. They're important for my wellbeing. God bless you dear!






Dear .Hugs .Yes .An other Asian girl

[Oneworld]

I strongly recommend hair removal, second new hairstyle, finally eyebrows. Those are all non surgical. See a dermatologist about the acne, or any physician. I'm using retin a micro. Skin care is important, as well as weight loss. Finally speak to a doctor about the hormones. They're important for my wellbeing. God bless you dear!

Hugs .Yes .I'm looking for facial hair remove now ,and yesterday i went to salon fix my eyebrows ,it plucked much feminine now.and i'm growing my Dear hair ,next time i will ask for design a female hairstyle and cut ...all of those are really helps me
    Glad you give me your through
  Be well