First time in a long time feeling unattractive

[Wild Flower]

This guy was 6'1, lean, attractive (not my type but hes the 2nd most handsome guy I ever dated) but I think he relegated me to "booty" call cause he didnt care to know me... I never in my life felt so ugly, and fat, and gross. He wanted just sex . But it was pure sex he wanted... he didnt compliment me on my looks.

I dated him to get over my "relationship" problems. But... it just was the ugliest feeling.... I rather put up with a broken heart then that feeling of cheapness.

He didnt treat me in any form as a female... and now Im thinking about my.crush... whom I cant have but he treated me with adoration. He loved me. At one point. He accepted me. I see it now. Im thinking back at him... he held the door for me waiting for me to go inside and he smiled at me like I was beautiful. I know its wrong. But I know his behavior wasnt normal.... I made a mistake... i played hard to get when ge wanted to be with me... because i was afraid he wasnt into me. But he was... l

Im afraid I wont find that again in a guy. That adoration. I just feel ugly now.

[stephaniec]

your lucky to be young. I'm 63 years old and hardship has followed me all my life . Even though my time on this planet is quite limited I always hold out hope. to be so  young  and in so much despair about relationships is so sad because you have so much life to live and so many people to meet . I'm truly sorry you have so much sadness at such a young age, you should have so much hope instead. Hopefully you find someone to share your life with. I kind of missed the boat , but it's all right , I have a faith in something higher the makes life so worth it . I pray you find peace somehow . Sorry I don't mean to offend , but have you ever tried talking to a therapist about your issues of how you look and how men and woman see you. I've had quite a lot of therapy in my life and it's helped me immensely in how I view myself and how  I perceive  how others see me. Really the only reason I'm half way sane is because of therapy.

[Wild Flower]

Im young... but youth is fleeting. 63 is the youth of old age. You may have another 40 years.


I look young... but in reality Im from the olden days of the last centuary. Before all this modern technology these youngins have. From the good ol days of the 90s. By the end of this decade, Ill be part of 2 generations, those from 89-92 and 96-98, because Ill look 21 and doing college but so not 21.

[Wild Flower]

...........


Why dude? Why?

I wasnt thinking abour him, went out in public to eat breakfast. .... And then he came to my table to sit directly in front of me. I written him off, because I told him my "secrets" and I thought he thought I was a weirdo. He told me he was leaving this week... and I told him good luck at his next job and THEN he was like Ill be here Monday.... ITS like he went there just for me.  (((This was after I cried my heart out again in my room.... i look like hell))))

But if he wants me... Now is the time. Now.


Why? Just what the heck. the TORTURE. Dude needs to leave me alone.... seriously.... if after I tell you my secrets you either date me or ignore me. Its a yes or a no.... no maybe. He ignore me in public all day last week... hes playing games.


Then he was like "I wouldnt fk her.  Shes a whore".... he was dissing Gwen Stefani... but dude she only love 1 guy in that bad and that was her brothers band. I told him.  This got me to thinking he saw me as just a guy... since he never used vulgar language around me like that. (Im not sensitive.... but its different for him)

[stephaniec]

please don't take this wrong , but you seem to have so much difficulty with your relationships. I really don't want to intrude on where I don't belong , but it totally seems  you would benefit greatly talking to some sort of professional about your relations with guys. Truly I mean no harm by my  questions or suggestions , but you seem to be having an incredibly difficult time with your perception of your relations with guys. I hate to see any one in so much pain and I truly am just trying to help the only way I know. I'm not in any way qualified to help you , even though if I could I would offer advice. You sound in so much pain though , that's the only reason I'm asking you if you were seeking professional help. Sorry  if I'm being intrusive .

[Wild Flower]

This pain comes from being transsexual. Its because he saw me as a woman and now he doesnt. Im not sure uf he ever saw me as a woman... but I thought he did. He was nice.

But I vow to never love again to someone who isnt brave enough to ask me out... Im done with relationships for the rest of 2015. Ill have admirers because its fun.... but love... only for those who seek it. I wont give it to someone undeserving.


I Was a nutcase here... i apologize.