Need some help with family

[FindingJames]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.
It's been just under 3 years since I came out to my family and the rest of the world, and I haven't made much progress within much of my family. I gave up long ago trying to get the support of the majority of my family members, but recently things have taken a turn for the worse. They don't use the right name and pronouns and they sometimes make derogatory/hateful remarks, but I'm pretty much used to that by now. However, within the past month and especially the past 2 weeks, they have been saying really nasty things to me on a daily basis. Today was by far the worst day with my mom implying that I only came out as trans* because I was fat and didn't like my appearance as a woman (I've lost some weight recently so she asked me this morning if I was going to "dress up" and see if I'm "ready to be a girl again"), had my stepdad threaten to stop taking me to a barber because he doesn't want to waste his gas taking me to get a men's haircut when I'm apparently not a man, and had my mom call me a "he/she" and "it" all in one sentence (her exact words to my stepdad were "he/she, whatever...it had to go get their hair cut").
I just don't really know what to do at this point. Some of you may remember that a while ago I talked about maybe trying to discuss starting therapy with my mom, but that didn't happen. We haven't talked about me being trans* at all since the day I came out and even then I didn't get to say much because my mom wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. I think it's time to have a conversation with her about it, but I just don't know how. It's nearly impossible to get 5 seconds of privacy in this house, but I guess I could probably ask her to come to my bedroom. But what would I say? Is it even worth my time? I just can't take another day of having this stuff said to/about me.

Edit:
I guess what I'm getting at is...what are you opinions on talking to my mom? I could sit down and have the whole talk with her, almost like a second coming out since the first didn't go that well. Or I could keep it short and sweet and basically say "hey, I'm going to be physically/medically transitioning in a few months and I'd be glad to have you on board but it's going to happen whether you want it to or not". Do you think it's possible for me to get through to her? I just feel like I've run out of options.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! You shouldn't have to put up with that. I assume you're living there because you're underage. If so, life is about setting goals and going for them, make moving out as soon as possible your goal.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Skyler]

 Your parents are abusive and sound very trans phobic. Honestly i'm not sure how asking therapy will turn out for since they cant seem to "fathom" even taking you to the barber. Are there any other relatives you have that are more supportive then them? Or even friends of the family that you could tell?

Best of wishes and luck
~skyler

sidenote: susan's has a live irc client at the top where you can discuss your issues in real time which might be easier for you or might not your choice ofc.

[FindingJames]

Big hug! You shouldn't have to put up with that. I assume you're living there because you're underage. If so, life is about setting goals and going for them, make moving out as soon as possible your goal.

Hugs, Devlyn

Yeah, I have at least until the end of the school year before I could move out. Even then though, it's unlikely. I don't live in a city so housing is hard, I can't drive so I can't get a job (at least until I get somebody to teach me), and even once I get a job it'll be minimum wage. I could go the college route but I don't really want to waste thousands of dollars (mostly federal/state assistance) on a career that I'm not even going to like just so I can move out a year or two sooner. Thanks for the well wishes though.

[FindingJames]

Your parents are abusive and sound very trans phobic. Honestly i'm not sure how asking therapy will turn out for since they cant seem to "fathom" even taking you to the barber. Are there any other relatives you have that are more supportive then them? Or even friends of the family that you could tell?

Best of wishes and luck
~skyler

sidenote: susan's has a live irc client at the top where you can discuss your issues in real time which might be easier for you or might not your choice ofc.

I think that I might be able to convince my mom about therapy and getting on board, but it's like her personality changes when she's around my stepdad. She says some ignorant things and says things to hurt me sometimes, but I think that change is possible. My brother is the only person in my family who is supportive, but he's only a couple years older than me and is busy trying to provide for his family.

[Devlyn]

Yeah, I have at least until the end of the school year before I could move out. Even then though, it's unlikely. I don't live in a city so housing is hard, I can't drive so I can't get a job (at least until I get somebody to teach me), and even once I get a job it'll be minimum wage. I could go the college route but I don't really want to waste thousands of dollars (mostly federal/state assistance) on a career that I'm not even going to like just so I can move out a year or two sooner. Thanks for the well wishes though.

Then you could ignore them if they aren't using your name/pronouns,  but you have to stick to your guns. You said you've given up on them, but never give up on yourself. You want to be called James, make them call you James. That won't cost a nickel, and showing people you mean what you say is how you earn respect.

Hugs, Devlyn